Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I do all the housework because I have no job?

165 replies

lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 19:48

Five months ago I left my job because my mental health was a mess.
My partner has a full time job.
Now I’ve been contributing exactly the same as when I had a job as I had savings (made sure I had enough to support myself)if anything I pay more than my partner.
Since I have no job he does nothing now and says I have to do it all.
I do all the cooking ,cleaning ,washing ,shopping.
He will get in from work and just throw his clothes where he stands.
Last week I wasn’t well and didn’t tidy as much and he made feel awful about it,said it was my job and I should be doing it all.
If I’m knackered one day and I just ask him to make me a cuppa he won’t or if he has to put the bin out he will kick off about it.
He hasn’t made a cup of tea since I left my job.
Hes been speaking to me horribly if o dare ask him to do anything (like change cat litter )
”I have a job you don’t,you need to do everything”
I was ill last week and he just watched me do everything (on the two days he was off )
Hes a total different person outside,kind and nice to people ,always helping people but he’s totally different with me now.
The way he has spoke to me lately has been horrible.
Its like he now sees me as his slave and that’s all I’m good for.

OP posts:
Pallisers · 13/12/2025 19:50

No it is not your job.

He is horrible. Why are you with him?

NoSoupForU · 13/12/2025 19:51

If my husband didn't work I'd expect him to do all the housework.

But I think your issue is more how he treats you. He sounds vile.

Octavia64 · 13/12/2025 19:51

If you are still putting in 50:50 on finances then housework is still 50:50

Pallisers · 13/12/2025 19:52

If my husband didn't work I'd expect him to do all the housework.

Why? OP is contributing to the bills same as she always did. Why is she now responsible for being a servant to a perfectly competent adult?

Alpacajigsaw · 13/12/2025 19:52

There’s a difference between doing a bit more because you have more time and being treated like a skivvy. Sounds like he’s doing the latter, the cheeky bastard

Original poster
lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 19:53

I pay exactly the same as I did if not more.
I don’t mind the housework but just to not even make a cup of tea for me
We will be sat ready for bed and il have to unplug the firestick then he lies on the bed and I set up the tele.
Its everything now

OP posts:
Ikeameatballs · 13/12/2025 19:53

I’m not sure that your job was the cause of your mental health problems!

When my partner didn’t work yes, I expected him to do most things but not everything and certainly not eg making my drinks, picking up laundry from the floor.

Get a new job ASAP, anything, and use your savings to get out of your domestic situation.

Velvetgoldmine · 13/12/2025 19:53

So why are you tolerating this sort of treatment? He doesn't sound loving or supportive. I would expect to do more of the housework if I wasn't working but a complete refusal on his part to help at all is unacceptable, especially when you are unwell. Dont allow him to treat you this way.

Alpacajigsaw · 13/12/2025 19:55

As of now OP, stop doing his cooking, washing at least. Cleaning I guess is trickier if you want the house to look decent and shopping if you are buying a general food shop, but let him wash his own pants. The lazy cunt

Original poster
lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 19:55

I really didn’t know if I was in the wrong to feel this way that’s why I posted tonight.
Last week because I wasn’t well I didn’t keep on top of the washing and he couldn’t find any socks so that kicked him off.

OP posts:
GanninHyem · 13/12/2025 19:56

If you weren't contributing to bills I would say fair enough, most of the housework would fall to you. However you are contributing and they also doesn't amount to making him every single drink and him treating you like a skivvy. I know people are quick to say LTB but think about th future, if you have kids, or get sick, how will he treat you?

Jk987 · 13/12/2025 19:57

Alpacajigsaw · 13/12/2025 19:52

There’s a difference between doing a bit more because you have more time and being treated like a skivvy. Sounds like he’s doing the latter, the cheeky bastard

This.

MumOryLane · 13/12/2025 19:57

Octavia64 · 13/12/2025 19:51

If you are still putting in 50:50 on finances then housework is still 50:50

Aye right! As if you'd ever say that to a woman!

ShesTheAlbatross · 13/12/2025 19:59

Pallisers · 13/12/2025 19:52

If my husband didn't work I'd expect him to do all the housework.

Why? OP is contributing to the bills same as she always did. Why is she now responsible for being a servant to a perfectly competent adult?

Personally I’d expect my partner to feel that we should both have equal time off. Not watch me go to work full time and then expect me to do half the housework as well.

That doesn’t mean I don’t also think that OP’s partner sounds like a shit.

ShesTheAlbatross · 13/12/2025 20:00

Octavia64 · 13/12/2025 19:51

If you are still putting in 50:50 on finances then housework is still 50:50

So if a woman earns less than her partner, should she do more of the housework to compensate?

Maybe you do think that. I do not.

TwilightSkies · 13/12/2025 20:01

If you left to job to try and sort your mental health, being with a man like this will only make it worse.
Hes showing you his true colours now, how can you come back from this?

bridgetreilly · 13/12/2025 20:02

What exactly does this diamond bring to the relationship? Because it’s hard to see why on earth you are with him.

Apileofballyhoo · 13/12/2025 20:02

Maybe your mental health is less to do with your job and more to do with an unhappy home life.

GooseyGandalf · 13/12/2025 20:03

What was he like before you left your job?

passthebiscuittins · 13/12/2025 20:04

This is really worrying OP. You left your job due to mental health issues so should be focusing on getting yourself better, putting time into yourself and then (when mentally sound) looking for your next job. Of course it’s reasonable for you to pick up a bit more if you’re in the house all day and he’s out working but you don’t have to be his servant. He should be paying you if that’s the bloody case! You’re contributing financially which is great so takes that stress off him. I think he is showing his true colours. I don’t think you can be happy long term with someone like this. Do not have children with this man. It will be a lot worse when you’re on mat leave and sleep deprived. Look after yourself. Get another job if you need it and get yourself out of this relationship.

SchoolDilemma17 · 13/12/2025 20:05

Why are you knackered if you don’t work.

FenceBooksCycle · 13/12/2025 20:06

Yanbu and he is not your "Partner" ffs if he has no sense of you being in any kind of partnership, does not honour or cherish you, why on earth do you compliment him with such a title?

You are dealing with your own shit right now. Whether working on improving your mental health or working towards whatever needs to happen before you can rejoin rhe world of work, that's the focus of what energy and that's a full-time level of effort. You have no responsibility to do any more of the housework and general domestic upkeep than he does and no more than you did when fully employed.

Please get rid of this tosser

Original poster
lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 20:06

Next year it’s going to be a case of getting any job and then getting back to 50/50 I hope.
We have been together 5 years now and the first year he was a different person.
Then some of the nasty words would creep in.
He always wants me to say sorry
Even when I don’t think I’ve said anything wrong.
I think the way he is sometimes contributes to how I’m feeling.
Today I had no make up on and just I was about to go to the bin a random person walked past so I kind of stepped back till he had gone and just as I did this partner came back from work..
Face like thunder,what you doing ?
I explained and all he said was ..ridiculous nobody cares ,suppose you want me to put this in the bin whilst you hide
It was just the way he said it

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 13/12/2025 20:07

lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 19:55

I really didn’t know if I was in the wrong to feel this way that’s why I posted tonight.
Last week because I wasn’t well I didn’t keep on top of the washing and he couldn’t find any socks so that kicked him off.

Wtf. He's an asshole. I'm a sahm so my dh pays for everything. Our children are teens now but one is autistic so not independant. I do cleaning, laundry and cooking for the kids. Sometimes for my dh but he mostly sorts himself out. He does the grocery shopping every week and pay all bills. For us it's divided fairly but he would never treat me like a maid- and I wouldn't accept it.

If your dp paid for everything I would understand if he thought you should do the majority of housework and laundry but this is not the case here! And even if he did pay he shouldn't be treating yoh like shit. Even hearing about the way he treats you made me sad and mad so no wonder if you're depressed with this asshole! Please leave him- it will only get worse.

Original poster
lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 20:07

@SchoolDilemma17so because I have no job I can’t be tired ? I’ve got endometriosis and it makes me tired /in pain

OP posts: