To think people are being bloody lazy

[SourGrapez]

Not trying to be goady (but probably will be 🙄). I keep seeing post after post about how parenting is “relentless” and “breaking people” and I just don’t really get it?

I’ve got 3 kids, all fairly close together (2 under 4 and DS8), work part-time, house isn’t a tip, kids eat actual food and go to bed at a sensible time. No screens during the week, no running round after them like a headless chicken. They sleep. Don’t beg and boss me about. They behave. Life ticks along.

Obviously there are tired days but some of the stuff on here makes it sound like people are barely surviving and I can’t help wondering what’s going wrong? Kids don’t need entertainment 24/7 and they don’t run the house. If you start as you mean to go on it’s… fine?

I don’t drink wine every night, make healthy dinners, don’t co-sleep, don’t negotiate bedtimes or bathtimes. Maybe that’s the difference? Or maybe people just don’t like being told no anymore (including adults).

Not saying I’m perfect, just genuinely confused how basic routines have become some kind of impossible feat 🤷‍♀️

And before the SEN brigade come and tell me how it’s different with their children, we already know and obviously this isn’t about them.

goes to make tea

I do find the "you must have EASY children a bit tedious" and a lazy excuse frankly.

Of course, when your child has genuine extreme health problems, is in and out of hospital, require intensive medical care, of course it's not easy, you have a difficult situation. Absolutely.

Anything else? "my child is very energetic" "my child is difficult". They all are. 😂
Stop using it as an excuse and pretend everybody has it easier.

When you get older you will realise that not everyone with difficulties is automatically lazy. My DS2 is so easy to parent that if I had 5 of him it wouldn't make a difference whereas DS1 is "impossible" to parent the same way (yes, autistic here comes the SEN brigade). But I also have a friend whose chemo is wearing her down to the point that she finds parenting hard (lazy bitch right?), another friend has a depressed selfharming teenager that she's doing her best to support while also caring for her younger siblings.

It's so easy to judge others when you really have no clue.
Can't you just be happy with your life; you have the chance to work pt, you're healthy and so are your kids. No need to look down on and judge people having been dealt worse cards in life.

I do think that in this country we are not allowed to have the conversation about how we parent!
And I do think it is a necessary conversation.

THAT is not to say, that all you MNetters with children with challenging behaviour, or with SEN children are bad parents.

So many PPs speak of their experience of abuse, neglect, narcissistic parents, NC with family. It happens, it’s real!

Don’t shoot the messenger.

Same. And I still find the time for a glass of wine when I fancy it!

So? Just because there are exceptions does not change reality. That’s called critical thinking

🤔 I think the damaging formula is:

TIME ÷ GUILT + GIVING IN = RELENTLESSNESS.

In other words our western lifestyle isn't child friendly.

Do you have financial concerns?
Do you have a supportive family?
Do you have any mental health issues?
Do you have any physical conditions to manage?
A disability?
How was your upbringing?
Are all your children well?
Neurotypical?
Do you have a supportive partner?
Are you experiencing domestic abuse?
Do you live in a community where you are well known?
Or are you isolated?
Do you work manageable hours?
Or are you on the night shift?

All of these and many many more examples can and will affect a person's ability to cope with parenthood.

Yes!! 🙌 🙌

I’m going to have one now to toast to OP’s fantastic parenting, I aspire to one day be just like her

I do agree with the ‘daily fairground’ for kids, aka packed diary of play dates, parties, sport, outings. Som 3 year olds I know are barely alone or at home. I also think having parents, grandparents, all the family can over indulge them. Two factors playing into today’s world - women working full time and the internet. Not just social media the entire thing. Mum’s didn’t have forums like this in the 80s, they had a couple books and a couple friends. Googling everything and having so much information is overwhelming.

I agree with you; parenting seems to be a race to the bottom nowadays. Husband went to a work Christmas dinner other night and people asking how I could possibly be alone with 2 toddlers and a newborn at home- they’re our kids, he can also manage all 3 of them when I attend my hobby groups

Because maybe don't generally post or talk with friends about things being absolutely fine and going easily. As the op is seeing why! We hear from the people having difficulties, not people for whom it's less of a challenge, for whatever reason.

I found parenting fairly easy (just don't all about the state of my house) but I've been lucky to have kids who liked their sleep and ) thus far) have been nice teenagers but that was mostly luck, not super disciplined parenting or anything.

Well those of you who find it so awful and depressing to read posts on a PARENTING forum from fellow parents who are struggling, with a bit of luck, some of those parents will see this thread and not bother to post on here for advice or help. We wouldn't want people who need help to get it right? Let them wallow in their misery and take their kids down with them!

I'd rather be bloody lazy than the type of person who would post something like this

My DSis, assesses for ECHP certification and works with SEN young people, providing them with functional skills training. She is feeling so pressurised under this current system to certify everyone. Today she and I had a long telephone chat about parenting.

I worked part-time (still do) and still found it effing hard. In case anyone with young kids is feeling guilty about that.

Shock horror, different children and different life circumstances are… different.

As it happens, I’m in a low drama parenting phase with my two right now. The oldest particularly is a naturally compliant kid. A year ago it was very different.

I'd call you a slacker for only working part time. Do try harder! That's pretty lazy!

Yes as he is widowed.

All the best love. That’s really hard.

You work part time. That’s the difference. Does the father live with you? Are they actively involved? Do you have family support? Did you have PPD? There are so many different factors and you shouldn’t judge someone before you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, as they say.

This.

Typo - EHCP

Typo - EHCP

I’d love to know what job you do part time. Given you had kids very young, I imagine you didn’t get that far in education (I might be wrong).

Perhaps if you had a full time role in a professional job that requires a lot of mental energy / working late / weekends you might have a greater understanding of what being a full time parent and worker looks like.

As a single parent, working a senior job, with SEN children I think your post comes across smug and naive. But well done you for smashing it.