To think people are being bloody lazy

[SourGrapez]

Not trying to be goady (but probably will be 🙄). I keep seeing post after post about how parenting is “relentless” and “breaking people” and I just don’t really get it?

I’ve got 3 kids, all fairly close together (2 under 4 and DS8), work part-time, house isn’t a tip, kids eat actual food and go to bed at a sensible time. No screens during the week, no running round after them like a headless chicken. They sleep. Don’t beg and boss me about. They behave. Life ticks along.

Obviously there are tired days but some of the stuff on here makes it sound like people are barely surviving and I can’t help wondering what’s going wrong? Kids don’t need entertainment 24/7 and they don’t run the house. If you start as you mean to go on it’s… fine?

I don’t drink wine every night, make healthy dinners, don’t co-sleep, don’t negotiate bedtimes or bathtimes. Maybe that’s the difference? Or maybe people just don’t like being told no anymore (including adults).

Not saying I’m perfect, just genuinely confused how basic routines have become some kind of impossible feat 🤷‍♀️

And before the SEN brigade come and tell me how it’s different with their children, we already know and obviously this isn’t about them.

goes to make tea

Whatever about moany parents, everyone is so moany about the cost of living. I don't get it. I buy what i want when I want, have a few holidays a year, eat out once or twice a month and it's fine. I don't know why everyone doesn't just do as I do and stop moaning.

Then be VERY careful about being smug. A bereaved stepchild surrounded by full-biological children as siblings is very likely to have some behavioural and other challenges at some point. And you partner picked a VERY young woman to marry. Which is normally not a great sign of wanting a full, mature, powerful woman as a parter. It is often a choice men who want a nice, compliant stepmother who will do all the shitwork make. And this only becomes apparent to women ten years or more later. And posts calling everyone else lazy do smack of desperately trying to justify your own life. If you’re happy, be happy and enjoy it. Life has a habit of teaching you hard lessons.

I had an extremely challenging SEN child and now I have a wonderful, happy, awesome and kind teenager. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint and I don’t know if I’ve succeeded yet. You certainly don’t.

Years ago mums just got on with it- kids didn’t get entertained 24/7, occasionally they had to be bored, occasionally they had to be dragged to adult things and sit quietly, they understood that mum had to do dull stuff like housework and washing and they amused themselves while that was going on.
Weekends weren’t packed with constant days out and activities. Summer holidays consisted of mostly playing in the garden, maybe a holiday and a few days out.

I can't understand how 50s housewives with no life could be an improvement on mothers (and dads) taking their kids to interesting outing every day instead of wasting their day cleaning and cooking while the kids were just bored doing nothing.

Could your post be any more smug? I work part time, have a supportive husband and we have a routine... But we have a 2 year old who doesn't sleep at the moment, so it's really hard to function sometimes. Remarkably, not all children are the same, so perhaps try putting yourself in someone else's shoes before judging them? And yes, we've tried everything. I know it will pass, and I love being a mum, but you're still allowed to find parenting difficult.

I have extremely easy teenagers. I mean unless someone asks though I don’t say a word. It’s weird if I just went. Yeah my kids are awesome! I live a great life

shitty for you that I do and what the hell are you doing wrong to live such a crappy live where you’re struggling?

grief. Money. Heartache. Marriage. Love. Friendship.

every thing matters……

I lost my dad last year. I struggled with that a lot. There’s loads of things people can be going through to change how ‘easy’ their life is.

do you have family help? I literally barely have a single person to help me

I struggle to work as I don’t have childcare. Life is hard for others. At 22 you’ll learn this

don’t pull other mothers down. Celebrate every little thing. Lift up other women.

That a very immature and naive viewpoint op

I would say I find parenting easy too but I have a hands on dh, family support, I’m lucky enough to work part time and have children who’re generally just pretty easy going kids and I’m young and healthy.

They’re so many factors that make life more difficult and if I had to work full time or didn’t have the support I have, I think I would absolutely struggle too

Do you have friends and family who help out?

Sleep is definitely one of the key things that makes it easier or harder. Blessed with two good sleepers and I am also a very good sleeper! It’s just genetic, nothing to do with how I parent them.

I think I am a bit like that, I start something and then

Come back and tell us how it is once you work full time, just like most women I know with kids that age.

I'm old now and my kids are young adults, but I was lucky enough to be able to work part time (was very grateful for that as DH worked extremely long hours and often away at short notice so all the childcare and nursery pick ups were on me mainly - even though he was very hands on when he was here). It gave me breathing space, like you have.

I have no idea how families do it these days with both working full time and often just scraping by with no luxuries. I work in a school and the young teachers who are parents have it very hard, as they are in early, go to pick their children up from nursery and then start work again when they are in bed. And they are under so much pressure when they are at work and it's relentless for them.

They have every right to complain about things being stressful and difficult (but most just get on with it anyway, my heroes!)

There are very few people who post that they’ve had a great day (no one likes a show off) or even a meh day (boring). The posts on Mumsnet are not the whole story at all. Take care not to assume MN is the totality of the real world.

And how many hours a week do you work? How old are your children? How many hours does your husband work? These are all relevant factors…..

Sorry you lost me at you have three kids and work part time. The fact you can afford to work just part time while having three children tells me all I need to know, in that you just don’t relate to the hardship others have. I suspect you’re not at breaking point because you have a great work life balance not working full time and a good routine as a result. Count yourself lucky that you’ve got it so good, stop judging those that don’t and do something better with the spare time you have because you’ve all your shit together, instead of posting wind up threads on mumsnet.

I’m a mum of one, married, both work full time due to cost of living, might be just about able to reduce hours when he goes to school. No family support as my parents and family in another country, husband is an only child with parents who have tough health problems.

Our son is the love of our life, best thing we ever did and considering a lengthy fertility and loss battle he’s a miracle I can’t believe we managed to achieve.

That being said we are so tired and that’s just with one. Balancing work, our son, the demands of elderly and poorly parents etc is a juggle and a struggle.

Just think a bit before you judge so many. Honestly; just go about your lovely life; be happy but just be a better person then looking down on others. It’s pathetic.

👏👏👏👏
Well done.
Let's hope karma doesn't come back to bite your judgemental self when they are teenagers.

There are ways to say this that would be actually helpful to people that are struggling and I absolutely agree, being prepared, having clear routine and boundaries and sticking to them makes for a much happier household. However we all know that you were, in fact, being goady.

Lots of people are dealing with many other possible combinations of factors that make it harder or impossible to do. That shouldn’t need to be explained to another adult.

What is your job? I’ve got a 45-50 hour week in a senior role alongside a 4 year old who doesn’t do well at sleeping or regulating. I find the 2 hour bedtimes after 8-10 hours working and the relentless demands on me from work, child, family difficult. I’m one of those failures that you’re talking about obviously….

Well done. What are you hoping to achieve by this post?

I couldn't agree more! Very happy for anyone who has good sleepers, and ours used to be until recently 😂

I saw a podcast with Kiera Knightly recently, who said something about being able to take on anything if you've had a good night's sleep. But if you haven't then everything is difficult. It really rang true for me!

Because children actually need to explore and take risks to develop. Kids (mine included - not perfect in this instance) aren't doing that in today's world and it shows.
Children being occupied by activities instead of left to 'be bored' don't cope as well as adults.
I read loads about this for child development when doing my MA but can't remember sources.

I do know you will be needing a larger front door.
To get your big head through it.
Goady af post.

I don’t think it’s laziness. I think the ‘shock of capture’ just impacts people differently. I sometimes ponder if having children later in life have has had an impact, if you have kids younger you don’t know much different, if you’ve had your 20s (and sometimes 30s too) free of the shackles of motherhood I wonder if the adjustment is harder. Also some women put much higher expectations on themselves than others.

I was born in the 60s and totally disagree.
i have seen many varieties of parents with different personalities, work situations, marital relationships, who have had an equally varied array of children with a varied array of behaviours and challenges.
Sometimes, having easy children is just the luck of the draw.
Beware of the stealth boast.

How about trying that whilst working full time with a commute of 2 hrs each way twice a week for you and your husband?