To think people are being bloody lazy

[SourGrapez]

Not trying to be goady (but probably will be 🙄). I keep seeing post after post about how parenting is “relentless” and “breaking people” and I just don’t really get it?

I’ve got 3 kids, all fairly close together (2 under 4 and DS8), work part-time, house isn’t a tip, kids eat actual food and go to bed at a sensible time. No screens during the week, no running round after them like a headless chicken. They sleep. Don’t beg and boss me about. They behave. Life ticks along.

Obviously there are tired days but some of the stuff on here makes it sound like people are barely surviving and I can’t help wondering what’s going wrong? Kids don’t need entertainment 24/7 and they don’t run the house. If you start as you mean to go on it’s… fine?

I don’t drink wine every night, make healthy dinners, don’t co-sleep, don’t negotiate bedtimes or bathtimes. Maybe that’s the difference? Or maybe people just don’t like being told no anymore (including adults).

Not saying I’m perfect, just genuinely confused how basic routines have become some kind of impossible feat 🤷‍♀️

And before the SEN brigade come and tell me how it’s different with their children, we already know and obviously this isn’t about them.

goes to make tea

Questions:
1.) are you a single parent?
2.) do you have a job which essentially doesn’t ever end like social work where I am up at 5am and work until 7am in hope that I can maybe finish at 5 that day? Are you sent emails throughout the night from carers, hospitals, families which need to be caught up on before you actually do your ‘work’ work.
3.) do you have a child with anxiety who won’t let you sleep in a different bedroom?
4.) do you have a child with texture issues who can’t tolerate you making them sandwiches the night before but will only eat rice cooked that morning.
5.) do you have a car?
6.) do you have a friend with disabilities who you often help with pick up/ drop off?

Oh But sorry the rest of us are just lazy.

Sure. I'm not disagreeing with you. But that's not what OP was talking about.

👏🏽

I'm lazy. So I didn't have kids. Looked too much like hard work. Before anyone says it, there are millions of young people not working so you aren't necessarily bringing up the next generation of tax payers. Also, hopefully we will have the dignity of Dignitas by the time I get old so no need for anyone to look after me when I'm old.

I'm really astonished as to how you do all this AND have time to trawl mumsnet usernames to create a case file on who people are when they post on here and troll them.. 3 kids, breastfeeding, cosleeping AND a private detective, I am really amazed :) and I think OP could only hope to be half the parent you clearly are.

I have an autistic 11 year old - yes he really is diagnosed and everything because I’m willing to bet that you’re one of the ‘they’ve all got something wrong these days’ lot.

He has an eating disorder which means he only eats a very limited diet. I’m not lazy and I love cooking - other than not eating red meat I’m not fussy at all - my son was introduced to all fruit and veg etc - has always refused.

He also had terrible trouble sleeping and with anxiety which means he’s been in with me until only the last 18 months - we were so proud of him going to his own bed but he still often needs me in the night. He still needs help dressing and toileting.

I adore him - and generally he’s just him - he’s incredibly intelligent and funny - however having to deal with the Local Authority and CAMHS absolutely broke me - I ended up losing my great career and I’m now part time earning less than half than I did before. I’m on antidepressants, have been to more tribunals than I can count and he hasn’t had a full year in school - until this year I’ve finally managed to get him in a great SEND school after 3 years of trying.

Smug arseholes like you have always made my already difficult life just that bit more difficult 👍

Shes got the same right to say what she thinks as anyone else does to disagree with her. If she wanted to have her opinion unchallenged she could just not have written it on mumsnet.

Whats controversial is the judgemental nature of her post. She suggests anyone who finds parenting overwhelming is lazy. She’s also pretty self congratulatory for very standard parenting “I don’t drink wine every night, make healthy dinners, don’t co-sleep, don’t negotiate bedtimes or bathtimes.” As if she’s cracked the code of easy enjoyable parenting thereby implying that people who find parenting overwhelming are eating takeaways, drinking wine and letting their kids do whatever they like whenever they like it. Whereas in truth there are so so so many reasons why parenting can be overwhelming: Rising living costs, caring for elderly relatives, poor health, shit partners, undiagnosed neurodivergence/learning disabilities, unprocessed childhood trauma, crap housing… and of course just different personalities being good at different things! I’m great at maths but I’m shit at chemistry. Some people will be excellent at creating an ordered household but will be shit at other things and others might be shit at having an ordered household but will be great at something else.

OPs post just sort of bipasses nuance and basic empathy, insults everyone who for whatever reason doesn’t find parenting such a breeze and then gives herself a good old pat on the back for being an amazing parent. And this emotional/social clumsiness I would almost forgive in a 22 year old but I would assume they’d be a bit more savvy in 20 years.

Where on earth do you see evidence of me trawling through posts? My post was based on what the OP said and in response to the comment before mine.

And I didn't troll. I responded. It seems you can't imagine that some people try really hard to do the right thing by their children whilst maintaining a career and a home and a marriage, and that even though it is our own choice we still express that it's hard sometimes.

The use of SEN brigade told me everything we need to know about you.

Stfu.

I had my first two at 23 and 24, they were easy breezy children and I parented them well (but it was easy) - they are 12 and 13 now and absolute gems. I always knew it was good luck and not me, I literally loved every moment.

I now also have a nearly two year old and, oh my goodness, she is a different breed. Every moment of the day is hard work and sometimes I struggle to find joy. I love her dearly but she may be the end of me. Still no screen time, clear boundaries and home cooked meals, plus very experienced parents. It’s just the way the cookie crumbles

That and now changing your username. Strange strange woman!

What on earth are you on about?

My autistic son was the same. His eating has improved as he entered his late teens, especially as he likes cooking and preparing his own meals. Diet is still limited but actually likes experimenting with sauces etc on his own terms and has actually introduced me to new flavors. There was a time when he wouldn't even enter a cafe because the sight of salads etc was too overwhelming. Good luck and I hope it improves for him.

Agree OP, though the hardest year of my life was being at home with a baby and toddler. I did struggle. However I did not then have any more children as it would have overwhelmed me.
I do get a bit impatient with people who think their husbands are being unfair when after a day’s work they don’t want to bath the kids and cook the dinner. I don’t think it’s the job of the person working full time to do that when the other person is home all day. I’ve done both sides of this and when I was the person working full time I was pretty tired and it would have felt too much to have to do bath and dinner as well. When I was the person at home I felt it was my job to organise well and do this, and I enjoyed it.