To think people are being bloody lazy

[SourGrapez]

Not trying to be goady (but probably will be 🙄). I keep seeing post after post about how parenting is “relentless” and “breaking people” and I just don’t really get it?

I’ve got 3 kids, all fairly close together (2 under 4 and DS8), work part-time, house isn’t a tip, kids eat actual food and go to bed at a sensible time. No screens during the week, no running round after them like a headless chicken. They sleep. Don’t beg and boss me about. They behave. Life ticks along.

Obviously there are tired days but some of the stuff on here makes it sound like people are barely surviving and I can’t help wondering what’s going wrong? Kids don’t need entertainment 24/7 and they don’t run the house. If you start as you mean to go on it’s… fine?

I don’t drink wine every night, make healthy dinners, don’t co-sleep, don’t negotiate bedtimes or bathtimes. Maybe that’s the difference? Or maybe people just don’t like being told no anymore (including adults).

Not saying I’m perfect, just genuinely confused how basic routines have become some kind of impossible feat 🤷‍♀️

And before the SEN brigade come and tell me how it’s different with their children, we already know and obviously this isn’t about them.

goes to make tea

You’re wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️.
The OP was openly calling other people shit parents. She was intending to upset them. And the people she was intending to upset were people who have come to an online forum for support.

Everything?
You lived alone and paid bills all by yourself and with a child at 16?
Super human 👏

Your perfectness must make up for where you lack in likability lol

Come back to me when you work full time and you’re a single parent - then I’ll listen.

What specifically did you do for your daughter that helped? (curious parent of Autistic child here)

Yes I lived in a shared house for young mums until 18 and then rented my own place after that. Parents never baby sat.

@SourGrapez aren't you lazy working part time? You clearly have some spare energy judging others...

I'd like her to come back when her kids are older and we can see the outcome of her excellent parenting choices compared with the poor children subjected to all us lazy parents.

hubris? care to explain why?

Or is it impossible for you to comprehend that some parents find the baby stage the hardest, and the teen and student age the easiest?

We're listening, as you are so keen on insulting people having different experience 😂

People have different circumstances. I only have one child so far (5 months) and I feel like i have to work very hard to keep the basics ticking over, I find house work hard as I have large, high energy muddy messy hairy dog, who needs a couple walks a day, a large house, a very clingy baby who keeps me up most of the night, im also self employed and work a few hours a week till i go back properly after maternity. My husband works long hours so all of the above falls on me. I'm not complaining as these are all choices, choices I love and bring me joy. But I find objectively it is effort, and can at times be hard work. I don't think it makes me lazy to state that. I'm not at breaking point by no means, but it can be hard.

Come on, you did intend to make her feel bad about her life.

If a 43 year old mum had posted the exact same self-righteous OP, you wouldn’t feel th need to humble her and talk about feeling sorry for her, how rubbish her life is because she had a child at that age. You’re picking on something personal about OP’s life that she can’t change.

A mother who lives parenting and does a good job (annoying as that post was) is a good thing. Why the need to make her feel bad in that way?

I actually have found parenting a lot of fun but I recognise that, like a lot of things in life, you can influence some parts of it and others bits are inbuilt and by the luck of the draw, we got imperfect but relatively easy to parent children.

We did have a routine. There were times when I worked full time, times when I was part time (freelance) and times when I was a SAHM. We co-slept according to what each child seemed to need at the time, and we did sometimes negotiate. I wanted my kids to learn that standing up and making a valid, coherent, persuasive case is a skill, whereas throwing a tantrum is not. But I also believe that all kids are different and all families are different, and I don't believe the people I know who are struggling or have struggled are lazy.

My DH grew up in a household that was very authoritarian and rigid, like yours sounds, OP. I'm sure it did make life easier and run more smoothly when they were young. It did not, however, go well in the later years, and all four of them have different versions of strain in their relationships with their parents.

Because you can like parenting and do a good job and be proud of that without slagging others off without knowing anything about their circumstances.

This is the second self congratulatory thread I've seen in two days. Never mind the SEN brigade, the smug brigade are out in force it seems.

Being older does not in any way give you more right to an opinion than a younger person. But believe it or not your 40 year old self will know more than you do now and shock horror your 50 your old self will know more again. And this increase in knowledge will enhance your insight and expand your worldview so yes I stand by the assertion that OP will find their current outlook probably quite embarrassing in 20 years. Or maybe they’ll still be narrow minded and arrogant right into old age, who knows?

I said nothing about family or siblings helping, no idea where you got that from.

Sorry the parent/sibling thing wasn’t aimed at you more just a general point for all on here who assume a young parent has parents who do everything for them. Like I had my first at 16 no family help at all.

I assume the op is talking about the shit moany social media stuff like “I hate parenting because of elf on the shelf” as if elf on the shelf is some massive ordeal and not something you don’t even have to do. Nothing too deep. Yeah the older you get the more wise you get but why should an early 20s parent of small kids have less right to talk about parenting small kids than an early 40s parent of small kids.

I mean her outlook is simply that looking after small kids isn’t as bad as some make out. She even acknowledges she’s only talking about kids that don’t have special needs even if poorly worded. Not sure why it’s so controversial tbh

Because that's not what she said.

What a boastful, self-congratulatory post basically saying that you're a great parent and the rest of us are shit.

Plus, you havent reached the teenage years with any of them yet, so don't count your chickens.

I think a lot of people find posts like this goady because they don’t like the implications on their own life. Modern English parenting seems to pretend that parents have no agency whatsoever and it’s all down to having an “easy” child and your parenting makes no difference whatsoever, when in fact a well organised parent who’s an actual grown up goes a long way.

i work with a lot of immigrants from consultants to cleaners and they tend to work extremely long hours and take no part in modern parenting bs about easy children. They roll their eyes at English colleagues handwringing about their kids, and their own children are generally delightful, hard working and doing well at school. Which suggests to me that parental ethos and culture plays an enormous role.

And no, I work full time, one of my kids was an atrocious sleeper and I live hundreds of miles away from family. And yet we cooked proper food and all that. No doubt someone will be along to tell me I’m privileged to work….

It's goady because OP suggested that people only find parenting hard because they're lazy.

I also work full time, have no family support, have 3 small children and cook meals and clean the house. I co sleep and breastfeed past 12 months and respond to my children's needs because it's important to me. But if you catch me on a tough day, I will tell you it feels relentless. Am I lazy?

Why would you think that? The OP is clearly talking about people who complain about it being hard whilst doing not much to help themselves. Is that your situation?

It’s also classic MN. Someone has got their life together and the response is not “well done”, it’s snark and crabs in a bucket saying “just you wait until you hit the teenage years/lucky you with easy kids”

Is she clearly talking about the people you have described? I don't think that's clear from her posts. But fair enough if that's your interpretation.

Lazy is a big word, and unnecessary. I'm glad OP is happy and is finding parenting easy. I think that's wonderful for her. Genuinely. However, it is a goady post and I believe she knew that when she posted.

In some cases lazy might fit.

For example, giving your kids a screen while they're being pushed in a pram (I see this quite often when out shopping).

Or complaining about stressful mornings but then not bothering to try to make things smoother by preparing as much as possible the night before (this is my sister, she says she's just wants downtime once the kids are in bed but then surely it's no surprise mornings are chaotic so why complain).

Or never reading with your child but then bitching about the teacher when they struggle at school.

The UK has some pretty bad stats compared to other nearby counties. One has to wonder why. I'd say the children are fundamentally the same but the parenting culture is different.