to withdraw my daughter from nursery

[MethodHandbag]

My daughter (14mo) has been at nursery since September, she enjoys it and is thriving.

There have been a number of Christmas events that parents can attend (stay and plays, Christmas fairs, carols) at the nursery, some I have attended and some I haven’t due to work.

My friend’s daughter is also in the same room as my girl, she recently reshared a video her friend had filmed of her older daughter (two rooms older than my daughter) singing in the carol service. Behind her but almost more in full view is my daughter.

We do not share photos of my daughter online, we don’t even share her name online. Nursery have a firm policy that they do not allow filming on the premises and reiterate it before events.

I messaged the woman on Instagram asking her to remove the video but she hasn’t opened the message as far as I can tell.
Nursery say there isn’t much they can do now other than ask her to remove the video when her child next attends.

I am absolutely livid that my child has been shared online without my consent (which they would never, ever receive anyway) and now feel like nursery cannot keep her safe.

AIBU to seriously consider removing her from the setting?

oFSTED can't do anything about parents and schools have to rely on goodwill of parents either not posting or not filming, depending on their rules

Erm ...

There IS stuff they can do (and if they don't their policy is worth sh*t).

For a start they should have been watching out for parents videoing the performance and stopped it straight away.

And post facto they can tell her to take all videos down or remove her child.

@MethodHandbag I would be making these points strongly to the nursery. Sadly I do agree with others that it's probably more hassle for you than it is worth to remove your child, especially if she is happy there, but you can still make your position clear and ask what are they going to do to ensure this doesn't happen again.

I think the nursery should have banned all mobile phones from the performance. I wouldn't have been offended had I been a parent at the performance. You won't be alone in preferring no filming. I would write to the management of the nursery requesting they look at this situation. I wouldn't trust her at pick up either. What if you have parents who are in dispute over their children and she's posting on social media. We all know that we're pictured on CCTV wherever we go and if you have it at home you have to notify neighbours and be careful. However one of my sister's neighbours had the CCTV of Wayne Couzens kidnapping Sarah Everard. In a documentary about this crime the police said they were horrified when they recognised it was a police officer. The police had drained ponds on the Common looking for her in case she'd had an accident. I am putting up a CCTV door bell for safety. I was video'd at an event last week but I was aware and wasn't in many shots.

Think your right to be annoyed . If I post pics from a school play I always cover other children's faces as you never know if a child is being protected from a abusive parent have been through DV etc .
However I do think your reaction is extreme and your overthinking this if none of the above apply to your child .
You say your working.g on being over protective perhaps dial down your reaction to this to start .

how do you police this tho? frisk every parent? if she's going to sneak a phone in, she's going to hide it. do you have a table on the teachers table of all the phones? do the teachers ignore the kids and constantly walk between the rows looking for covert filming?

Absolutely nothing to do with OFSTED. They will just contact the LA and they will contact the nursery and ask has the complaints policy been followed and what was the outcome. It is unreasonable to expect nurseries-& schools to be able to control what other parents put online. They can only ask parents to not film/not post but they can’t actually physically do anything about it.

For some children it poses a clear and present risk. Just because your child doesn’t have a violent parent trying to track down where she is, doesn’t mean no children do. That’s why the rules are in place, because whilst the likelihood of the harm happening (parent finding new location) is low, the risks if they do can be horrendously high. And yes, I sadly knew a family in this situation.

There are often very serious, legitimate reasons why picture/videos of children in particular settings should not be posted online. They are at immediate risk of an understood and likely harmful outcome. Your trauma from previous abuse is understandable, but your fear of deepfake videos and opinion about posting pictures online being abuse seems to be an overreaction and does not really fall into the category above. Having said that, many parents choose not to post pictures of their children online.

You should work with he nursery to get the result you want. They cannot control a parent’s actions, but they can threaten consequences if the parent doesn’t rectify actions which breach their safeguarding policies. Presumably you all signed up on admission to adhere to the nursery policies etc? The nursery could ban this particular parent from future events if she refuses to remove the video. Ultimately, they may even be able to ban the child from nursery, as I don’t think private nurseries are under any legal obligation to accept a particular child (or parent)? Perhaps someone can confirm this?

Unfortunately you can only complain and you can move nursery, but you can't guarantee it won't happen in another setting in the future. I've just walked home from the school carol concert, people were filming. I took a photo of my own child when they were stood up reading, which is for my use only, but it has other peoples kids in it. Normally school ask you not to put the images on social media, today they didn't, but even when they do no-one can really control that. I used to put photos on social media when they were younger, haven't done for ages, but have consented to their sports team taking photos with them in and also school taking photos.

Why remove your Daughter when the nursery isn't at fault here? They asked parents not to film or take photos however, this Mum has done just that & posted it online. It's this Mum you should be speaking to asking her to remove the photo as your child is on it. The nursery can have a word with the Mum also stating that she's gone against their policy for no filming or photos at events & give her a telling off & threaten if it happens again her child will lose their place.

I don’t have the same background as you OP and I’m sorry to hear about yours. But I also have my own principles about images of my children being put online. At my child’s nursery they ask parents to put their phones in a box which gets locked away when they are in for events like this. Could be a good idea for your nursery? Especially if they have evidence of parents doing this. I’m sure most people would be ok with that as they shouldn’t intend to break the rules.

When she starts school it will be the same issue. At performances parents are told they are welcome to video/take photos. They are also asked to keep these for their own personal enjoyment and not share images. Especially on social media.

Sorry but this is not the nurseries fault, why would you remove your child when she is thriving? Consent is a problem but other than reminding everyone and asking the parent who may not have realised when posting as she has not read your r, what else can they do? Get a grip