to withdraw my daughter from nursery

[MethodHandbag]

My daughter (14mo) has been at nursery since September, she enjoys it and is thriving.

There have been a number of Christmas events that parents can attend (stay and plays, Christmas fairs, carols) at the nursery, some I have attended and some I haven’t due to work.

My friend’s daughter is also in the same room as my girl, she recently reshared a video her friend had filmed of her older daughter (two rooms older than my daughter) singing in the carol service. Behind her but almost more in full view is my daughter.

We do not share photos of my daughter online, we don’t even share her name online. Nursery have a firm policy that they do not allow filming on the premises and reiterate it before events.

I messaged the woman on Instagram asking her to remove the video but she hasn’t opened the message as far as I can tell.
Nursery say there isn’t much they can do now other than ask her to remove the video when her child next attends.

I am absolutely livid that my child has been shared online without my consent (which they would never, ever receive anyway) and now feel like nursery cannot keep her safe.

AIBU to seriously consider removing her from the setting?

I am torn. Is your daughter in immediate danger? So fleeing from DV, dangerous family dynamics or someone may attempt tk collect without permission? Is the nursery named/identified in the video?

If not then no I wouldn’t pull her.

This. It’s getting completely overblown. 🤷‍♀️

removing her won’t stop this. I see this at my daughters school where despite emails, posters and the head standing up to ask for no photographs due to safeguarding around some children, people still do. Selfish

You not being unreasonable to be upset, but to remove the child over just this is probably not the best idea of your otherwise happy with the nursery. If you have safety concerns for your child, I would suggest you contact the police.

YANBU to be upset but not something I'd remove her from for.
even at school you will sign for no photos shared via school but parents at performances will video etc school ask not to be shared online but that's obv
not guaranteed

You will get people filming at all sorts of places and your DD may well be included accidentally and then posted online, mostly you will never know! I think you will have the same problem at every nursery and school with people taking pictures and videos of their children, all you can do is ask them to take it down or blur out your DD.

Just to say @MethodHandbag that I totally agree with you and we have the same rules. However, noone can completely control the world around them, other people, or anythin really. You can only do your best.

I totally agree with you. I think its nuts that society seems to think that its normal for kids to be all over social media. Get your husband to report the post and it will be removed by facebook as their is a child involved

Complain to OFSTED or whoever licences the nurseries now.

I wouldn’t remove her because it isn’t their fault. I’d imagine they made their policy clear at the beginning, as schools always do before any performance (they will say feel free to record but please don’t share on social media). This woman disregarded the rules, feeling like her own narcissism was more important.

I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t understand the reasons some children cannot be on SM, it’s rare but there are of course children who have fled DV for example. It’s just so selfish.

It's not an issue for Ofsted.

If they still inspect nurseries make the complaint and let them decide.

It is an ofsted issue as schools aren’t allowed to post pictures without consent and do need to have safeguarding policies in place.

BUT I would say here the nursery do seem to have safeguarding policies relating to this and it wasn’t them who posted it and who videoed it without them knowing.

barring handing phones in (which isn’t common) what could they have done

If you're at the point of reporting your childcare provider to Ofsted to try to get them in trouble, then your relationship has broken down and you need to find new childcare anyway.

I agree with you - give me the major ick. It's like look at meeeeeeee.

Remove her OP, from a place she is happy, settled and thriving. The staff will probably be delighted as they won't have to deal with you anymore. Sadly the one who will suffer is your child.

What? The complaint that they ask people to not film things and put them on SM but some people disregard it and do?

Yeah, that's not a safeguarding concern that the nursery can be reported to Ofsted for.

The nursery can't control this they can only police it as best they can. You will have this issue with every setting she attends. I think you're overreacting. The children that the nurseries and schools have in mind when they ask you not to share film footage on social media are the children who have been adopted or have fled domestic violence and who's families should not known where they are. Filming has recently been banned at a friend's school as a parent shared a class performance on social media and there were adopted children in the footage who are usually blurred out in footage the school shares. Our school allows filming and photography but makes an announcement everything that is it not to be posted on social media. A previous school requested that you zoom in to film only your child but they can't check that.

Our head says before every single event - some of the children in the class do not have photo permission so please don’t film or take photos. I don’t know how but afterwards I always see one of the mums has posted the event with all the kids’ faces visible on her social media. I did remind her once as thought she had forgotten despite not knowing her that well but she still does it every time. My point is, it is quite hard for school/nursery to police.

So your daughter is happy and settled in a nursery and you're going to pull her out because she was caught in the background of another person's video? Doesnt matter whether she was in the main shot or not. Dont you think if creeps were making pics/videos out of children theyd pick one of the millions where parents openly shared multiple photos? Think this is a case of a parent going OTT due to their own past trauma. It may be quite damaging to pull her out of somewhere she feels safe because of something irresponsible another adult has done and could quite easily do again in another setting. Perspective has been lost completely.

You are not unreasonable to be upset about this, or to be annoyed that the nursery isn't being more proactive with contacting the parent and being firm with them. Let's face it, if it's a private nursery then they can threaten the offending parent with removing their child for breaking their terms that they signed up to.

However, I think you are being unreasonable for thinking of removing your child if you are otherwise happy with the nursery. Good nurseries are hard to find and if they are otherwise taking good care of you lr child then the best thing you could do for your child is to keep them there.

Did you speak to the actual nursery manager? If not I would e-mail them directly with your complaint.

I work in a number of schools and can tell you for a fact that 80-90% of parents give permission for schools to post their children on social media including instagram. Presumably even more of them would be happy to post images themselves. Around 95% give permission for photos on the school website.

It’s absolutely fine to choose not to share your child’s photos, but you should recognise you are very much in the minority and seriously reconsider labelling everyone who does a child abuser.

You are unhinged, get a life ..

Just message Instagram and ask for the post to ve removed.

but it's not an actual crime. even if they expel the child, it doesn't mean the video will come down. it's crap but it's unfortunately part of leaving the house. the video could just as easily be at a park or soft play and shared by a stranger with ops kid in it. there's a limit to what you can realistically do