to withdraw my daughter from nursery

[MethodHandbag]

My daughter (14mo) has been at nursery since September, she enjoys it and is thriving.

There have been a number of Christmas events that parents can attend (stay and plays, Christmas fairs, carols) at the nursery, some I have attended and some I haven’t due to work.

My friend’s daughter is also in the same room as my girl, she recently reshared a video her friend had filmed of her older daughter (two rooms older than my daughter) singing in the carol service. Behind her but almost more in full view is my daughter.

We do not share photos of my daughter online, we don’t even share her name online. Nursery have a firm policy that they do not allow filming on the premises and reiterate it before events.

I messaged the woman on Instagram asking her to remove the video but she hasn’t opened the message as far as I can tell.
Nursery say there isn’t much they can do now other than ask her to remove the video when her child next attends.

I am absolutely livid that my child has been shared online without my consent (which they would never, ever receive anyway) and now feel like nursery cannot keep her safe.

AIBU to seriously consider removing her from the setting?

And what exactly do you expect the nursery to do?

There's nothing the nursery can do but ask her, they can't force her and it'd be the same anywhere so moving nurseries won't change anything. What you can do is report the video to the platform and ask they remove the video due to your child being in it and the video being put on there without parental consent. My uncle posted a picture of my daughter on Facebook when she was born when I'd asked everyone to not post pictures of her online and thats what I did it got removed quite quickly.

It sounds like the nursery could do more to enforce the no filming rule. - reminder at start of show, being clear anyone filming will be asked to leave.

But the issue is this could happen at any setting including school and public places like parks. Is it worth up heaving your dd when this could happen anywhere.

The nursery could have been a bit better about stopping people filming (if that’s their policy, it might not be). But other than that I agree with PPs that they can’t force someone to take it down.

Our old nursery had a no phones in the building policy generally (like during pick up), but you were allowed to take pictures at parents’ events that they did. At our new nursery, you have to leave phones in a box at the door if you go in for any show or event or anything, so nurseries do vary in how they view it.

The nursery should have words wirh hte parent and send a message out to everyone As a reminder.

The issue should be with the parent not the nursery.
I’m not sure what the benefits would be to you removing your child and sending them elsewhere tbh.

Posting children online is not child abuse. That’s a ridiculous thing to say. You can choose not to have your child online but those of us who are happy to post pictures of our children are not abusing them.

You're massively overreacting and to say showing a child online is abuse is quite frankly unhinged.

This.

removing your child from her nursery where she is settled & happy, because of something outside the control of nursery is ridiculous.

Do you never take your daughter out in public? She could be filmed at soft play, at the park, in a restaurant. People will video their families & she might be in the background.

will you stop her going to birthday parties? because the parents will take video & upload it to SM.

im sorry about your childhood & understand your desire to protect your daughter & I do know 'bad shit' happens online. BUT you also have to keep in mind your daughter is out & about in the real world living her life. You cannot have 100% control of any images on line.

Can’t you report the video on the SM site it’s on (insta/FB?) and say that it contains images of a minor (your daughter) for which there was no consent given? I think they remove them in those circumstance

She hasn’t said her daughter is in danger. Just she doesn’t like it.

Jeez. By all means make your choices to not put your child online.

But lose the ‘child abused’ label from people that choose otherwise. It’s offensive and belittles real abuse victims.

Two of my kids are adopted from the town we used to live in. I used to ask nursery and school to put them at the end of rows and cut them off any official photos (we’d get the copies with them on). I also used to ask for parts with masks or face painting in school productions when they were smaller, so they couldn’t be identified if someone filmed and posted.

School and nursery were always really good about this.

I can understand your anger OP, but it seems unfair to punish your daughter and remove her from a nursery where she is happy and thriving over something like this. It isn't the nursery fault and this is something that could happen anywhere.

I understand the risks and concerns about posting pictures of children online but as parents we can never fully eliminate the risk of pictures or videos going online unless you plan on keeping at her home forever and never socialising her. As your daughter gets older she'll have sports events, school plays etc that people will film/take pictures of and some of these might end up online.

By all means talk to the parent who took the video, they shouldn't have been going against nursery rules but don't punish your daughter by taking her out somewhere where she is happy.

I’m sorry we disagree on this.

Putting your child on sites that then own your image and can use them for financial gain or where nefarious people can turn them into child abuse images, let alone entirely disregarding their privacy, is abuse in the eyes of many, many people.

It’s not abuse. Saying it is, undermines actual abuse.

Errr we aren't allowed phones past the entrance

They broke nursery rules?

Not one single person on this thread agrees with you. That should set off alarm bells for you. Your children are recorded and photographed in public. Do you not take your child out to the beach or the park?

pedophiles do not need to rely on other mums and dads posting their clothes children ffs. They can photograph your child walking in the street. Your child will be in the background of someone you don't even know exists photos and videos. Not everyone is interested in your kid.

yes of course don't upload images of them in swimwear but that's basic common sense.

you need to get help for this level of anxiety bordering on stupidity.

you cannot police what other people do.

You're also being highly offensive too as this undermines actual, real abuse.

OP you will need to make some kind of peace with this before your child starts school. Unless there are specific safeguarding concerns, most schools will allow filming but ask parents not to share online. There’s nothing that can be done to enforce it though.

It’s also worth thinking about so that you know what you do and do not want to consent to. Don’t end up as one of those parents who refuses all types of photo consent but then complains because their child is never in the newsletter or was left out of the local newspaper’s ‘first class’ photos.

Yes they did. But that’s not the nursery’s fault.

Becomes the nursery issue when they've broken the rules on site... And when pictures are online from the nursery,?

You are neurotic for this point of view. Actual child abuse and photos of your child who no one gives a crap about is not even slightly comparable. Get over yourself. Ask them to remove it but removing your child is so unhinged.

and they’ve said they’ll address it the next time they see the parent. What else would you expect them to do?

OK so the nursery has a quiet word on Monday and says "Excuse me, Ms Brown, we've had a complaint that you have posted photos/videos online and as you know that's against our policy, would you mind taking them down?" and Ms Brown refuses. So then what?

It's a polite request. Policy, not law. The nursery have much better things to be doing than policing people's personal social media.