I don’t want to parent this weekend

[selfpityingnonsense]

Or over Christmas

or in the new year

or ever

I am sick of the noise; the whinging, whining, screaming, fighting and demands. I’m sick of the house being a mess, I’m sick of nothing ever being good enough and giving my all 24/7 and getting absolutely nothing back in return.

and I know I’m being unreasonable and don’t really care. I just wish I could walk: no motivation at all just now.

I've reframed to an extent how I view my kids bickering. I try to see it as "conversation for kids" and part of them learning social skills and compromise. I now retreat to the next room a lot and leave them to it unless there's a constant refrain of "Mum, Mum, Mum...!" or someone is getting physically hurt.

It does get better in some ways. I enjoyed having a chocolate brownie liqueur drink with my eldest child last night as he is with us this weekend from college. He's 18yo. We just sat and chatted and chilled out for a bit. It was lovely.

You'll get these rewards too. You can do this. I remember those tough days...infact I am still going through it with my youngest who is 8yo and has regular meltdowns if things don't go "his" way🙄

DH currently receiving counselling due to family and work life as it's getting too much sometimes for him.

Keep going💪 you're doing amazing. Just recognising how tough it is in itself is a positive. It shows you are human! We can only take so much from these little people at any given time.

You're not alone! I know the pain, as do so many parents. I habr great parents who will happily have the kids for me, and still was majorly overwhelmed at them. Do you have anyone at all that could have the kids, even for a few hours. It's not failing to ask for help.

I can hear DD over my AirPods on top volume. I don’t know if she’s exceptionally loud or what but I can. Which is worse as then I have her mingled with loud music (which I’m not actually keen on!)

Kinetic sand makes me actually shudder - people have this stuff in a family home!?

I generally can’t even get DD to sit in the pushchair. She flings herself around shaking it and lurching it to one side or another pretty alarmingly. And I know I’m being a grumpy arse here but I’ve never fully understood why picnics (where they won’t eat anything) and baths (which hype them up) are always pushed on here. Anyway, my kids must differ to MN kids!

If I’m in the house and a babysitter is there they’ll just keep running to find me, I honestly can’t see the point of paying for that at all. Sorry, I’m not being difficult it’s just I want a break from them, not hiding in a different room while they bang on the door and wail mummyyyyyy.

This a million times over!!!!
Sounds similar to me and DH. We work opposite shifts, I get weekends off, his days off are in the week. We try and do one thing on the 2nd Jan every year. We have absolutely zero support, zero. No aunties passing through, no grandparents to watch them for a couple of hours, nothing. Annual leave/unpaid leave to cover rhe ridiculous schol holidays, it's absolutely relentless. Unless people live like this, I don't want their advice 🤣🤣🤣

It sounds like they are burnt out too and would benefit from some time at home themselves.

I too don’t have children who ‘bake and watch films’, the thought of it is laughable. Who are these 2 year olds who sit and watch films?

And I know I’m on a downer here.

I know logically it gets better and by next Christmas things will hopefully look a lot better and different, three and a half is very different to two and a half and I hear six is a massive turning point maturity and understanding wise. But right now I have nothing left to give but have to find it.

Sorry OP I remember these times. Always worse in winter because it’s cold and wet and I used to take them out and think “I don’t want to be here either!!” when they were whinging.
All I can say is you have my sympathy and when they are older it really does get so much easier!

I don’t know if this will help you but it worked for us.
I would say to tantruming hell child. Go and get your teddy and lie on the sofa and when you’re feeling better come back and join us. I only discovered it with DD2 and seriously regretted not knowing it would work with DD1 (who screamed for 13 hours straight on her 2nd birthday).

I always found the run up to Christmas the hardest times with young DC.
They are hyper, edgy and overstimulated. It's exhausting!
It will get easier, I promise! And one day you will look back and just wish for an hour or two to have the little monsters back!

Had to laugh at the kinetic sand suggestion. My kids would tip that over onto the floor in 2 seconds. They could never be left in high chairs playing with toys on the tray- straight onto the floor and then the manical dangerous chair rocking.

A good friend told me once that there are 2 types of children- those that will sit quietly and colour in and those that won’t.

Sounds like we both have the latter. Solidarity.

However, mine are 14, 12 and 10 now and are relatively human. So hang it there. It sucks.

Mine just wouldn’t do it, when they’re screaming they can’t even hear me.

Go to IKEA. Throw the eldest in the creche for 45 minutes. Doesn't help with the youngest but I've halved the issue for you!

I only have one but remember the whining well. This too shall pass.

It sounds like you're doing this on your own, as you don't mention any DH or DP. Do you have any family close by who could take them off your hands for the afternoon/overnight?

It sounds trite, but it will pass. Before you know it you'll hit the teen years and instead of doing anything together at weekends they'll be shut in their rooms while you'll be downstairs scrolling wistfully through pictures of them as toddlers/five-year-olds and lying to yourself about how cute and lovely they always were!

In the meantime, get some treats in for yourself for after bedtime tonight – wine, chocolate, the works.

OP I have a 5 year old and 2 year old too. Two year old doesn’t sleep.

Until recently I hated weekends, I genuinely used to dress them. But then something changed and for some reason I have started genuinely enjoying them again. That’s not to say they’re not hard, they really are and I am always slightly glad to be back at work on a Tuesday (I don’t work Mondays) but there has been a big shift from hating them to enjoying them despite how exhausting they are.

I don’t think anything magically happened at night to get me to this place, I think part of it has just come with the kids getting slightly easier with age. We also bought a season ticket to a zoo so we have somewhere to go to regularly that everyone enjoys. Me and DH take it in turns to have a lie in at the weekend. I usually start Saturday morning with an exercise class which genuinely puts me in a better frame of mind for the weekend. We use my 2 year old’s nap time to do something one on one with the eldest, meaning that he is more regulated when the younger one wakes (and also I don’t then feel bad about us all watching some tv together in the afternoon). We’ve just got into a routine and found our flow.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is hang on in there because it can and will change!

I feel you on this OP- the MN suggestions about baths and pushchair walks etc made me feel the same, really frustrated, why don't these things work with my kids? I've realised recently that so much of the experience of parenting comes down to the temperament of the kids. If you have kids with more 'difficult' temperaments you're having a completely different experience to parents with easier kids. Realising that has helped me be self- compassionate in situations like the Christmas play tantrum situation you described. There was an interesting book recommended on here ages ago called regretting motherhood. I don't actually regret having my kids (you probably don't either) but it's still a very validating read.

You’re not a shit mum OP.

It sounds absolutely exhausting, it’s relentless and you are only one person.

How is DD at nursery? Do they see the same behaviours?

Is there ANYONE at all that would come and take them so you can have a break for a day? I know if you were my friend I’d be happy to help.

@selfpityingnonsense “Kinetic sand makes me actually shudder - people have this stuff in a family home!?”

this is so random, why??

we have a tub/tray with kinetic sand and they love it. It’s all kept in the tub and if some rarely escapes on to the hard floor it’s swept up 🤷‍♀️

I am sorry to hear you’re struggling. Your DD behaviour sounds really challenging, can you try and seek support for that?

Fresh air ( weather allowing)
When at home, can you listen to some music /audiobook on headphones - obviously ensure the kids are safe (in eyesight) it will drown the whining out for a bit.
There is a place for TV/films too - frazzled mum fo it guilt free. Everyone does (just don't always admit it)

Be kind to yourself too - lower standards (not dangerously of course) and say no if you need to (to plans etc )

You are human not a robot x

If you live anywhere near me, I'll come and help. Genuinely. It's utterly shit when it's like this and it doesn't matter that it's going to get better. It's right now that needs dealing with.

Treat yourself to a good pair of noise cancelling earphones and play some nice piano music through your phone for a few minutes to dampen the whining when things get overwhelming.

Another tip is to stick on a song they love at full blast and dance around the room. It’s a great distraction and burns off their energy / your frustration.

I often feel the same OP and when they were very young I used to daydream of getting on a plane and starting a new life somewhere sunny, working in a bar with no personal responsibilities.

Five years of chaos. You’ve actually made it much easier by having them close together even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. As another person said above, mine are also teens now and the best thing ever. This too shall pass.

I think December overwhelm is very real for a lot of people. Even with older children I’m often at the end of my coping capacity in December. There is something about the pressure of Christmas, hyped kids. ten thousand demands from school alongside the darker evenings and illness that sends everyone a bit loopy.

I have found there have to be some weekend days in December with nothing on to reset or everyone implodes. This weekend, we have nothing and are just going to watch Christmas movies and chill. The kids need it and I need it.

Are you a single mum? Can their dad take them for a day?
Don't beat yourself up, its bloody hard work and you're doing the best you can. X