I don’t want to parent this weekend

[selfpityingnonsense]

Or over Christmas

or in the new year

or ever

I am sick of the noise; the whinging, whining, screaming, fighting and demands. I’m sick of the house being a mess, I’m sick of nothing ever being good enough and giving my all 24/7 and getting absolutely nothing back in return.

and I know I’m being unreasonable and don’t really care. I just wish I could walk: no motivation at all just now.

Oh my gosh I honestly could have written this myself!! Its rough! Things do get better but it feels like wading through mud to get to it. As others have suggested try get them out (mine are feral when they've been at home too long), and if that doesn't work at least for a moment you had a change of scenery, if not a change of children's mood. Thinking of you! Its a challenging time but know youre not alone in it

I could have written this too - although I only have one DC but 7 months pregnant with #2 & wondering if I might be mad. We decided to have DC2 when DS was about 2.5 and things seemed to be getting easier. Ha! Found out I was pregnant, DS turned 3 and immediately morphed into an absolute tyrant.

Love him to bits but the last few months have been so challenging. Currently very difficult as we've all been ill so everyone is short tempered, sleep deprived and run down.

I'd love to just hit freeze on everything and have a few days of complete peace and quiet to just exist.

@HoneyParsnipSoup you are speaking my language. Can’t bare the ‘ can grandparents help/ have you got a village ?’ LOL parents either dead or useless

Totally get it my DS is 2, we had babysitters tonight and apparently he has been great, the second I get home the whining starts and I have honestly just had enough of it..I do everything for him, happy to play, not play, stay in, go out. Nothing is very good enough and he just whines at me..

The advice in these situations is always to get the kids out and keep them busy. I’m going to advise the opposite. Often young children act up because they are just as exhausted as you. They need time to decompress and relax . It might take several weekends or several days to work its magic. Being in nursery or school all week is tiring. Children don’t have a way to express that.

Walk OP. If tomorrow is still tough, either all of you or you alone go out into the fresh air for a walk. Sometimes the sheer space around you can feel more freeing than being indoors altogether, the noise, movement and bickering can seem less intense somehow. Good luck.

@selfpityingnonsense it's shit isn't it. 2 year old and 5 year old here too. Beat myself up daily about how I should be enjoying these years but damnnnn it's hard bloody work. If the 5 year old is being kind and sweet the 2 year old is the devil reincarnated. When the 2 year old plays nice the 5 year old becomes the star of the shit show.

Every day I survive, I wonder if I'll ever get to thrive at parenting.

Shall we just disappear on a week's all inclusive holiday somewhere exotic?

Being a parent is hard its the hardest thing I've ever done but also the most rewarding I have 7 children aged 21 down to 7 months I've had my state of days where I feel like this but I look at them sleeping and my heart just feels like it could burst with how much I love them , my house is chaos ( only 5 at home oldest 15) but I dread the day its tidy and quiet . My 2yo is loud and never shuts up its draining but I know how lucky I am .

You'll have good years and bad years the toddler years are tough for some others breeze through it its a frustrating time they can't quite communicate fully and they get angry emotions run high.
Its good for you to have a rant and its good youre acknowledging how you feel.
When my youngest hit his teens that was a tough time for me I reached out to the early help team at the council and recieved some support they signposted me to other organisations as well theres no shame in needing some help. Try and get some support before you totally burnout

I went to IKEA last weekend and it was dead! No queue in the restaurant! I guess nobody goes in December, it was brilliant

There are other ways of getting a break.if you dont have a family.

Babysitter.

It’s just really hard when they’re both so little! Especially age 2 of course, but 5 is still pretty tiny.

I remember feeling sometimes as though time was going backwards on the weekend. You’d look up at the clock after what seemed an eternity since you last looked and almost no time had passed!

I’ve struggled with my two year old this weekend too! His dad has been out Friday & Saturday for Christmas drinks with friends. Trying my best to be patient but internally screamed a few times. I have a night out with friends next weekend, having some break time on the horizon definitely helps!

I think two is just really challenging. I actually had a break of sorts yesterday, spent most of the afternoon with just my five year old which was a massive help, as he’s comparatively very easy. Obviously he’s still young but doesn’t fall to the ground in apoplectic rage because you offered him a banana.

I am confident DD will come through this stage. She’s at a very funny phase. I only have vague memories of this as DS was two years and seven months when DD was born so a lot of behaviour I put down to heavy pregnancy / newborn but it was challenging then I think.

She turns two and a half mid January and then I’m going to be on a countdown to her third birthday, then three and a half. In many ways she’s quite an easy toddler. As long as everything is as she wants it!

Next is surviving two weeks of them both around for Christmas and it will be survival, I am under no illusions about this!

Glad you’re feeling a bit better. My dad used to say “it’s just a stage” and that helped me weirdly. I hope she comes through it soon - she’s probably going to be a fierce, determined woman you’ll be proud of, but tough to parent as a toddler!

I had three aged 4 and under and it was tough. It sounds like you’ve not much support which is going to make it even harder. I think focusing on the nice positive times is key, it gets you through the other stuff, those little gold nuggets!

I always say my toddler is easy as long as he has 100% of my attention and I’m doing what he wants 😅. We also had a meltdown yesterday because he asked for a banana and (shock horror) I gave him a banana. It’s definitely a tough age only made bearable because they can be incredibly cute and funny at times!

Not everyone is comfortable doing that. Myself and my DH didn’t get family support as they live too far away, but we didn’t feel comfortable leaving our DS with anyone other than family when he was really young and certainly not woth a babysitter we didn’t personally know. So we similarly used to have one day a year when we’d take the day off and do something together. Granted it was easier for us as he’s an only child so I had it much easier than these mums.

To all of you struggling it will get much easier, my DS is in his last year of primary now and he’s more or less on a similar playing field to myself and DH, life is much more relaxed you will not feel like this forever.

The thing with babysitters is that

a) they cost money. It’s Christmas in two weeks, I also have a birthday next week (DS turns five) and I only work two days a week. I’m not flush!

b) most babysitters work evenings and they sit in your house while you are out of it. That’s not what I want!

I remember thinking this the day I gave birth to dd1! What had I done! I don't know how I survived the first 5/6 years - dd2 was born 19 months after dd1 having got pregnant expecting dd1 to start sleeping, stop screaming etc. I was also alone in a foreign country with a useless dh and not being able to speak the language. Hopefully my decision making has got better!
Fast forward 30+ years there is no such thing as karma as gdg is the sweetest, most chilled toddler who has slept through the night since she was 4 months old. Hang in there, it does get better.

I know that feeling of wanting to walk.
I have it now they are teenagers. Especially with teenage daughter where everyday there is a different drama. She was tough at 2 aswell and like you I was quite sensitive to whining , crying moaning and then fighting.

knowing what I know now I’d try and do things differently and calm myself down better and probably learn a bit more of supernanny! but I didn’t have the skills or knowledge then. I wish I could go back and do it better!

This may not be relevant at all. But when we had tough times with 2 of my kids separately (whining, anger outbursts, bad behaviour) it turned out to be lack of good sleep for both. Both of these lasted months until I figured out the problem (one stopped sleeping at daycare so I should have put him to bed earlier, the other struggled to fall asleep because of chocolate bar he usually ate after dinner.) Once I realised and fixed the problem, they were back to their wonderful little selves. I hope things get better for you!

Did you see OP's username?

Mum of 3 here …I hear you .
it was mental 🤪 and I used to think “ would you just shut up whinging “ some days .
I did a lot in and out of the home with them .
It was worse if I was coming down with a cold or a virus or something and there was nobody to give me a break ( husband just might sit with them while they ate dinner together when he got home from work , but that was it and I needed to go and do the bath and bed routine even while feeling like crap )
I was a SAHM but back then no nursery hours provided so it wasn’t until my oldest was 3 that I actually got a break
And that was about 2.5 hours of playgroup twice a week that was it .
Similar with middle and youngest child too until we moved away and pre school was an actual full school day , even it was only 2 sessions per week