I don’t want to parent this weekend

[selfpityingnonsense]

Or over Christmas

or in the new year

or ever

I am sick of the noise; the whinging, whining, screaming, fighting and demands. I’m sick of the house being a mess, I’m sick of nothing ever being good enough and giving my all 24/7 and getting absolutely nothing back in return.

and I know I’m being unreasonable and don’t really care. I just wish I could walk: no motivation at all just now.

We’ve had ear issues as well; they are awful. We also found it made ds aggressive and frustrated.

It is rubbish as you give your all 24/7 but (as this thread shows) even feeling like you want something different is wrong.

There has been a few people ask if there is another parent involved, are you able to ask them to do more during the weekend? Or have other family members take them for a few hours?

No!

Partner?
do you work op? School? Nursery?

Is the father involved?

Loads of free Christmas stuff around me.

Similar to you? Make yourself a coffee and draw up a plan for the day.

Yes, I work. Yes, one goes to school. Yes, one goes to nursery. No, I don’t work weekends. No, school isn’t open at weekends. Neither is nursery 😂

There’s loads of stuff on. The weekends are packed, I’m not struggling for things to do with them: it’s the screaming, whining, sulking, arguing, stroppiness, demands, fighting and crying.

Massive empathy OP, I hear you. As much as we love our children it isn’t easy, sometimes it’s just shit.
I hope you make it through to bedtime ok

Can you put your dd in nursery every day next week (assuming your ds doesn't break ip til friday) I know it won’t help today but a fee days for yourself in the week could help avoid total burnout here?

I absolutely remember feeling like this when kids were younger. Desperate for some rest and peace. It’s so much easier now they’re 5 and 9 (they’re up longer but still… easier). I was going through a rough divorce and moving house when the youngest was two too, I ended up getting shingles from the stress. It feels like it will be hard forever at the moment but gradually things will get easier for you x

Thanks. I would but I just can’t afford it unfortunately.

I do love them but it’s just the never ever catching a break and never getting a moment to even breathe.

Is this a rant because they are being particularly hard work today or a more long standing feeling?

My DC are similar ages, and the youngest is going through a challenging stage, so I do understand feeling a bit wiped out sometimes. But if you are truly struggling to cope or find enjoyment in your family life, you need to seek professional help.

Small children can be hard work but if you're only seeing the negatives, I'd be concerned about depression.

I don’t even know @Tulipsriver . Dd has been getting harder and harder and I feel like we’re losing our connection a bit, hard to say whether that’s an age thing or not. But there’s definitely a space where previously we’d been so close.

Seeking professional help sounds so straightforward but it isn’t, you must know that.

The void brews is they become more independent, the bad news is it’s a couple of years away.

Yeah it’s bloody hard.

Speaking for myself, as a parent of a 21 year old I have nostalgic thoughts about spending (maximum) an hour with him aged 4 again, but I have never once wished that he was 2 again.

Professional help isn’t a magic solution either.

I had counselling but it doesn’t help when you get no sleep or rest.

I am on sertraline but also doesn’t help because the problems are practical/physical, rather than mental .

Buy ear plugs and have a huge declutter so there’s less mess around. Hang in there!!

Must be really tough doing it alone. Most of us need some respite.

I need to but even finding the time to do this is nigh on impossible. I was thinking this the other day.

Was your no ‘no, their father isn’t available.’ ?

it’s really important to threads like this, because so often once the thread unravels it turns out kids are just being kids but the actual problem is lack of parenting from the other parent.

Are they massively over stimulated by any chance?! My DD could cope with doing one activity each weekend and never big busy Christmas stuff with loads of people. She suffered massively with sensory issues and we only realised when she was 4 or 5 that we had to dial it all down loads and not do big family days out.

Have you tried spending more time indoors just pottering and not doing much with them? Saying this as you mention having a packed weekend.

Op I’m just here to say I HEAR YOU and not make annoying suggestions about baths, a night in a Travelodge or working more.

I once said to DH that I’m treating motherhood as a prison sentence, and when they reach 18 I’ll be turfing them out and warning them I won’t ever be cooking a fucking meal again 😢 I didn’t really mean it but was just utterly drained and destroyed from years of broken sleep, relentless fighting/whining/crying, and nothing I give ever being enough. For a long time, and still quite regularly now, I would wake each morning with a sick sinking feeling, just absolutely dreading the day ahead and feeling I would rather do almost anything other than another 5.30am wake in the dark with the toddler.

I was and am still at a physically very low ebb from not sleeping, relentless buggy pushing in the freezing cold and rain, and probably all the cortisol that has been pumping around me for 6 years now as I try to stop them injuring themselves or each other or destroying my house 24/7. I look tired, pale and fat, with crap hair/nails and live in clothes that feel practical yet slobby and depressing.

We also have zero family help so get no time off, and I mean none. Me and DH get 1 date ‘lunch’ together a year, as all other AL must be used for school holidays. Our last one was booked for last week, but youngest got ill and we had to collect him from nursery. So that’s that - our yearly date. I wanted to cry.

The past week we’ve had D&V (3 days of vomiting), the moment that stopped DS came down with hand foot and mouth, and all this started just as we were finishing up a monster cold with endless nighttime coughing for weeks. I’m just utterly knackered, and today have to do our yearly Christmas farm trip which means more standing outside in the rain and buggy pushing when I just want to watch films with a face mask on and ignore everything.

I truly love the kids and I try very hard to be grateful, but it’s just very hard to stay positive
this exhausted. I won’t even listen to posters who have grandparent help and get a night off a month or whatever, they’re on a different planet to me.

OP, mine are 5 and 7 in a few months. They are still a handful but just recently I’ve seen a change. Still in the summer my then 6,5 yo was a bit of a nightmare with tantrums, constant whining etc. Now I realise it is a lot less and he has become a lot more pleasant over the past months. He’s even nicer to his sister. And my soon to be 5 yo - she is starting to have some independence too. Just the other day when we got home and I started cooking, I realized she had just gotten her pencils and paper out by herself and was quietly coloring without any input from me. A few months ago she would have needed me getting her started and likely to sit next to her. And very likely thrown a tantrum as she had asked me to draw something for her - but I did not manage to fulfill her exact vision. It’s still full on not saying that, but I feel like now it’ll just be 1-2 years before things really do get a lot easier :D
Regarding holidays my experience is that my kids are actually better behaved and on a better mood on our travels, probably because they also feel more relaxed and happy at those time. So based on my experience I wouls encourage planning a small holiday to have something to look forward to.

Just the other day when we got home and I started cooking, I realized she had just gotten her pencils and paper out by herself and was quietly coloring without any input from me. A few months ago she would have needed me getting her started and likely to sit next to her. And very likely thrown a tantrum as she had asked me to draw something for her - but I did not manage to fulfill her exact vision.

This has given me hope!