I don’t want to parent this weekend

[selfpityingnonsense]

Or over Christmas

or in the new year

or ever

I am sick of the noise; the whinging, whining, screaming, fighting and demands. I’m sick of the house being a mess, I’m sick of nothing ever being good enough and giving my all 24/7 and getting absolutely nothing back in return.

and I know I’m being unreasonable and don’t really care. I just wish I could walk: no motivation at all just now.

I honestly think there is a whole army of us doing the same ❤️

Agree with this definitely.

Kids pick up on your depression and how you are feeling. They are little sponges. It becomes a vortex of negativity.

Been in this situation and feel your pain, especially at this time of year. I had a mini breakdown and my family and husband stepped up and gave more help. (I ended up chucking my Christmas tree out the front door as my poor Dad turned up to visit, he didn’t know how to react bless him). I changed the nursery hours my daughter did to help with my situation. It took a bit of time but it gave me space to get myself together and get back to being a happy mummy.

At this age, it is hard, they can be really hard work and it can feel thankless and relentless at times. You CAN do this but you need to seek support from family and friends and let them know how you are feeling. They can help if you give them the chance to.

Good luck xxx

Another one asking whether you are a single parent OP.

Also - I have twins, so it could be worse
I have to say, I find children age 2-anything heightened emotionally and difficult at this time of year. School gees them up massively, the routine goes to fuck, there are extra events and expectations, often with people who may not see kids day-to-day and expect unrealistic behaviour, it's dark and gloomy 23.5 hours a day, there's always noro/flu/whatever doing the rounds, work pressure ramps up so parents feel under the cosh... I could go on.

I don't know what your plans are today OP, but unless they are with someone who will actually be helpful to you or 100% unavoidable, I'd be getting yourself and the kids out to something outdoors and self-directed. A park (yes, really). A street where you can look at the Christmas lights. A wood, a beach. Somewhere to dilute the whinging and stress. Followed by hot chocolate, from a flask to avoid the shops etc.

Been there.

Totally hear all of this.

Literally saving up money to help them move out at 18 😂

Also did actually have a travelodge night the other week with my 5 year old so we could have a night away from my shit sleeping 2 year old. It’s nice for 1 night and then you go back to the same shit.

I still don’t get how people enjoy being parents.

I think you need to get to the bottom of the reasons why you are feeling so overwhelmed and at your wits end with parenting

The lack of sleep, the chaos, the noise, the mess, the literally thousands of 5/6am rises in a row, the completely lack of anything that resembles time or space for yourself, the endless stream of administrative tasks, the mental load, the repetition…?

I was talking to my gran about this and she thinks parents tend to either love the baby and toddler years, or love having older children and teens. I think I’ll fit into the later camp - I’m already excited about being able to take them on nice holidays, have good conversations, get to know them more as people and spend time doing enjoyable activities/sports we can both do (until they reach 12 presumably and no longer want to know me).

I’m laughing at your description of the whine! My 3 year old does it. Yesterday I was saying to my husband that every other noise she makes, whether it’s a cry or laugh or talking, makes me want to go to her but that whine makes me want to throw her out the window!!!

It is obvious that you are struggling. It would really help if you could get an hour a 2 to be by yourself and recharge a bit. Do you have someone you can ask?

@HoneyParsnipSoup thanks for that. I think I read one of your threads the other day.

Last year was horrific and I got through it by just treating it like a prison sentence. I really did. The days off I had with the kids I just had to try to sort of divide up as best I could. Kept telling myself it would be different when the eldest started school. and it was, but now dd has ‘turned’ and I’m struggling a lot with her.

I often wonder if I’m just an exceptionally shit parent, I do think that plays on my mind so much. Like yesterday she had a massive tantrum at ds’s Christmas play … she flung herself backwards and banged her head on the wooden floor before I could grab her and some people gasped and while I know they were probably just shocked it felt like a judgement of me. Especially when other toddlers were sitting quietly. And as much as I try to tell myself sometimes she will sit quietly too … just unlucky. I still feel like it’s something I’m doing wrong.

She goes from 0 to 100 in a nanosecond; she wants a song on and I put it on and it isn’t on instantaneously and she starts to scream and scream and she won’t calm down … just loses it, it happens multiple times a day and I just haven’t got the patience for it.

I am obviously painting a very bleak picture here but it’s reflective of how I’m feeling. I just want a weekend off but it’s not going to happen for a long time yet.

I feel you OP. After a hard half term and an absolutely awful day yesterday parenting my preschooler on my day off, I've booked DC2 into nursery full time from January. We also can't really afford it but it's that or I run away. It will at least give me time to get on top of the house/admin/life and it will help me be a better parent at the weekends with more patience to deal with the whining and ingratitude - I hope, anyway!

My local Whatapp quite often has teenagers offering to come and play with kids, for a small payment. It’s how they build up their babysitting experience, starting while the mum is in the next room just in case.

Maybe worth asking? Even if they just play Lego with the 5yo for an hour and can’t keep the 2yo engaged, it would lessen the pressure on you a little bit. And at this point, it sounds like you need some sort of respite.

I’ve been in several WhatsApp groups and have never been offered this, and it’s not the kind of thing you can ask. The kids on my road spend their time playing knock chicken, throwing things at houses and sitting in the road eating chips. I probably wouldn’t even let them walk my dog. I’m sure you mean well but these types of responses can be really frustrating as they rely on something that isn’t available to you, yet make you look unreasonable somehow when you point it out.

Hang on in there OP. I have been parenting 32yrs and I am 3 months away from youngest turning 18. I always tell my younger colleagues about one Easter when DS2 was 20 months and we literally could have cried at the thought of 4 days in a row off nursery as he was into everything (and a terrible sleeper). He was hard work until he was around 3. He’s 21 now and never gave me a day’s trouble after 3, even the teen years. Every age is a phase, and won’t last forever. For me it definitely got easier and I would take the teen years over the baby years (though friends remind me that’s because I have well behaved teens).

I feel like i’m nearing my parole now, and i’ve been in some halfway house for a few years now with more freedom but still not quite free! I jest but there does become a time when kids can be left home alone, you can have hobbies again and go out in the evenings. Just hang on in there.

I imagine this will really help. I had a day to myself with DC1 in nursery and it so helped to rest or get errands done. I then lost my day off with DC2 and lost my sanity again.

The next few weekends are pretty packed to be honest @BlackberryAppleCrumble and I haven’t seen any adverts like that. There are a few babysitters but that’s for parents wanting to go out in the evening and honestly that’s not what I’m about at the moment. What I need is a week off. I need to sort the house, declutter, organise. I need some time for me: resting and reading and relaxing. But it isn’t going to happen and it’s pointless thinking about it.

A recommendation I got from here was to say to the whining child that I couldn’t understand them and to repeat in a normal voice. I had to pretend I couldn’t understand the whining, it took a week but I broke him and he hasn’t whined since.
My close friend used to hide in the bathroom with chocolate when it all got too much.

This is a genius idea - OP does your OH do his fair share? Mine never did, saying he didn’t need to because I worked part time (like I was in the spa the rest of the time), so I had loads of time feeling like you do with no support and a huge showdown if I pushed him to help. Now they’re tweens and we live peacefully without him but things like this easy way of joint parenting would’ve really helped save our marriage.
Definitely worth a try OP and if he doesn’t do much with them, tell your OH it helps the kids see him as a pillar in their lives, rather than always gravitating to mum with dad being secondary. Parents have to earn their position in their kids lives, they don’t care who’s at work more than who they just want mum and dads attention!

Doesn’t work @ThePeachHiker . She can whine all day and if you ignore her the whine builds up. It starts as a bleat and turns to a wail and then a full on screaming fit. I actually completely lost it with her yesterday after she nearly got us killed as I was so distracted in the car. Then had a horrible nursery drop off and then the shitshow in the evening at the play.

Get some headphones, walk around playing music to drown out the moaning, tidy up while smiling and thinking "I can't hear you!" (if you're going to be miserable, you may as well be miserable and have a tidier house to show for it, I always think 😆) and make shit parenting your standard. Lots of screen time, lots of soft play to control the energy levels, find an enclosed playground where you can get a hot drink nearby, put them in the bath during the day and make beige or picnic meals.

Also, I recommend a big tray of kinetic sand. Maybe one each, if they squabble. Put it out in the kitchen. There is something magical about that stuff.

The whining and bickering is awful at times.
Mine are all older now, but I used to get them in the pushchair and just walk for miles with my headphones in. It gave us a break from each other and made me feel like at least i was doing something for myself.
Some nights I would be stood ready by the door with shoes and coat on as soon as DH got in from work and Id go out with my music or a podcast for a very brisk walk!

This would be lovely - if it’s not available locally and you were desperate you could pay a babysitter to do the same? A couple of hours to yourself in the house whilst you can hear the kids being looked after by someone else would be amazing! Shut them in the kitchen and pretend to the kids you’re going out so you can just get on with stuff.

@WiltedLettuce I also used to do a lot of daytime baths and picnic teas! And a good thermos flask and chocolate bar at playgrounds or in the woods!

It’s a tough age. Sympathies. Do you think they’re just over stimulated and exhausted? Maybe paring it all back and doing some simple things- a bath always calmed mine down. Just being in the garden. There’s such pressure to do so much but mine were always better when we did less.

Love this too- 5 yo and OH get QT and you and 2yo get out. All dependent on OH though - would he do it? Mine wouldn’t have- too stressed after work :/

@HoneyParsnipSoup Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you or the OP feel worse. It must vary a lot by area, it’s definitely a thing here. But another poster has suggested a day time babysitter for a few hours, which maybe is an option?

I hear you op. Some days i think if I hear one more minute of screaming or if I have to explain one more thing for the million and one time , that i may go insane.its hard and some days it feels relentless . I dont know what the answer is but I just tell myself that this will pass and things will change. Ive also invested in loop ear buds for when I really cant take another second of noise