I don’t want to parent this weekend

[selfpityingnonsense]

Or over Christmas

or in the new year

or ever

I am sick of the noise; the whinging, whining, screaming, fighting and demands. I’m sick of the house being a mess, I’m sick of nothing ever being good enough and giving my all 24/7 and getting absolutely nothing back in return.

and I know I’m being unreasonable and don’t really care. I just wish I could walk: no motivation at all just now.

zoescaman.substack.com/p/the-shit-season

I've literally just read this article and thought it might help. It's long but really resonates. Sorry you're having a tough time and hope it passes

Can you strip back any of your commitments over the next few weeks to give you a bit more of a break?

Bless you - totally understandable.

As you’ve said, you can “stop” being a parent - you are one and that’s not going to change.

I wonder if it would be easier if you didn’t mind the house being messy or if were not so hard on yourself about things “not being good enough”?

its hard enough bringing up children without also ripping yourself to pieces about how you’re doing a terrible job.

I am sure that there will be lots of little “good jobs” in all you are doing.

Children had breakfast? Good job, you fed them!

Children have clean clothes brushed teeth and fresh nappies? Good job, you’ve looked after them!

Children have been to school or nursery? Good job, you’re educating and socialising them!

I just plod through and it’s like I go from one full-time job (my actual work) to another (being a mum), with no break in between, and it’s been like this for years. No lie-ins, eating is hurried and mainly about wiping up spills and messes, kids shows on tv whenever tv is on (DC doesn’t like anything that is not a cartoon and silly noises), meltdowns out of the blue, saying no to everything, fights the bedtime routine now, endless laundry, grocery bills are sky high, no time for self-care for me aside from the basics, haven’t worn make up in a very long time, food mashed in anything I wear, playing shops for the 100th time - I hear you, OP!

They don’t but maybe not screeching at me would be good

This is totally my life and I don’t want to wish misery on anyone but I’m glad someone else gets it. They dominate my entire life in a way I couldn’t have predicted.

The lack of response about the father suggests there is one. There may not be. But, if so, I’m afraid op whilst you bury your head in the sand about the actual problem, this will persist.
if there isn’t, then it must be beyond tough to do this solo

Oh OP I hear you. You all sound absolutely exhausted. A very wise infant headteacher I know once said that Christmas in school with all the plays/parties etc was overwhelming for many of the children. She said that in between these events they needed a “whole lot of normal” - i.e. classroom routines and expectations. Your older one is probably finding everything a bit much at school, so will be more easily wound up by little miss terrible twos at the moment! The good news here is that there should be an improvement when term ends and he can rest.

Other things that might help (sorry if this sounds at all patronising - it is not meant to be). I used to get mine doing very simple “helpful jobs”. Sorting laundry in to piles according to who it belongs to, counting out six spoons, knives forks or whatever, helping set the table (we had a lot of kid-friendly plastic plates!). We did a job, then made a plan that we would have a drink, then do another job, then play, then lunch. I didn’t know it at the time, but my younger daughter is/was autistic, and the planning with them helped her more than I realised.

This is by no means a perfect solution - you won’t get anything done quickly (maybe bung a load of washing on while they are counting spoons on a good day!) , but it did help with saving my sanity. Sending solidarity (and a virtual coffee or wine, your choice!)

DH pulls his weight (aka equal parent to me) and I still feel this

Yes I’m not looking for thanks, just any sign my effort is paying off so it doesn’t feel fruitless and at least that’s something

OP you seem to be deliberately avoiding the question of kids father.

Yes seems strange, if hes not involved nobodies going to judge on that but she needs to say. If he is involved then she needs to kick him up the arse.

When mine were small I used to fantasise about just walking out, driving to the airport and getting a plane to Rio. I don't why Rio, but Rio.

And this was despite DH and I taking it in turns to have weekend lie-ins.

When they were a bit older, I'd get back from drop-off on the first day of term, shut the door behind me, and just breathe. A quiet house, all to myself, and once I'd tidied up, it would stay that way until I went and got them again.

They're all grown up now. They cook us meals and send us birthday cards. Hang in there. As others have said, This too will pass.

Going to work full time was my saving grace when I was going through this years ago. It was so nice to have a civilised day talking to other adults.
My exH the father was a miserable whiny baby too so it was great to get rid of him too.

The days are long but the years are short. It’s hard now but they really do grow up quickly. Let them tire themselves out, park, garden, any open space where they can just run. Pick your battles with them. Look after yourself.

I’m avoiding questions about Dh because I don’t want it to turn into a thread about why he had to do more. He can’t. That’s my final comment on the situation back to the misery of toddlers 😂

It's damn hard, OP. There were times when my two were little that I came perilously close to losing my mind. Once they both had a diarrhea bug for two weeks and I think I actually went insane.

My youngest was a nightmare, so I joined a gym with a crèche. I'd dress in my gym gear, drive to the gym, put her in the crèche and, more often than not, head straight to the lounge bar, buy a coffee, pick up a newspaper and distress for 2 hours.

My husband is extremely hands on with the kids, doesn't change the fact they get up at 6am on the weekend, have tantrums all day, reject the food I cook, fight each other, say "I'm bored" every hour or so, whine when I'm out of the room or trying to get ready, resist bedtime... is the presence of a husband meant to alter these traits?

I had 3 under 4 and when the littlest turned 1 it all became a special kind of hell! I'm not a natural caregiver at the best of times. There was a point where I told him that our (unplanned) 3rd was ruining my life. It felt like that would be life for evermore.

The youngest is now 4 and honestly it's getting easier and easier by the day. We can sit down at the weekend and read a book alone or have a conversation or pop out and do some gardening. They are still absolute knobs sometimes but parenting has become far less relentless.

I'm not going to give any advice, not what you need right now. But it will get better and all the effort you put in now will pay off sooner than you think.

Do you think this hasn’t occurred to her

I used to see National Express coaches drive past on ridiculously long journeys (Penzance to Aberdeen or something that would take about a day and a half) and long to be a solo passenger on one - in a cramped seat, bored, sitting too close to the chemical toilet - but with nothing to do but watch grey motorway embankments drift past at 55mph - and no children needing things from me. It seemed like paradise.

Absolutely this! Also, why won't OP answer whether or not she is a single parent?

Honestly parenting is soul destroying at times.
I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself , so what if your house is a tip everyone expected it to be you have young children

Try to avoid high stress options/environments where you aren't constantly having to watch them
And yes see if someone can have them for a couple of hours while you can just relax

You’re in a difficult phase - it’ll get better and then worse again and so on..
I can relate though.