I don’t want to parent this weekend

[selfpityingnonsense]

Or over Christmas

or in the new year

or ever

I am sick of the noise; the whinging, whining, screaming, fighting and demands. I’m sick of the house being a mess, I’m sick of nothing ever being good enough and giving my all 24/7 and getting absolutely nothing back in return.

and I know I’m being unreasonable and don’t really care. I just wish I could walk: no motivation at all just now.

Firstly 2 year old are twats. They are developing emotions and experiencing things they don't have the vocabulary to explain so they revert to primal interactions which usually involves crying, screaming, yelling random noises etc. It is hard, it is shit, but it does end.

5 year old are also twats for similar reasons. But it is end of term and nearly Christmas and excessive tiredness and excitement manifests in some really strange ways.

Be kind to yourself @selfpityingnonsense ignore the holier than thou on here who wear rose tinted glasses. Most people IRL acknowledge that our kids can be little dicheads at times.

Not sure if I read whether you're a single parent at all but my advice is fairly simple...

1. try and get a break. Ideally with friends and alcohol. Get the other parent or pay a babysitter and get a few hours out of it
2. try not to let the anger and resentment fall over into the next day. Use bedtime as a reset. Tomorrow is a new day and a new start. Takes a while but it does help you and them
3. depression is a thing and it does sound like you could do with some help. I would see your go, discuss how you are feeling. They can refer to talking therapies or offer chemical help to help you cope better.
4. keep posting here. Most of us are normal and happy to listen and chat

OP, I know you don't want to bring your DH into it, but is there really no way he can take the kids out this afternoon to soft play, the cinema, or to visit a relative, to give you some much-needed respite?

My three year old is a nightmare at the moment. He isn't very verbal and is probably autistic but yep looking forward to school.

My eight year was a nightmare too but she has really improved in the last year or so so there is hope.

sorry you’re feeling this overwhelmed. That sounds absolutely exhausting, and it makes sense you’d feel worn down when it never seems to stop. You’re carrying a lot, and it’s okay to admit you’re struggling that doesn’t make you unreasonable. You don’t have to have motivation right now, just getting through each day is enough

Oh op. You sound done in. I’m not doing to offer any trite advice, just say that I hear you. I understand. And sympathise.

You’re not a shot parent. You’re a knackered, overwhelmed, over stimulated one.

Aaaargh this stage is so hard OP!!!! Hang in there

don’t be tempted too much into doing “fun outings” as there is no such thing at that age

2 yr olds go best in routine and predictability, every day get up at the same time, breakfast, be active outside (let off steam), some play at home, lunch at the same time, predictable foods, a bit of play and quiet time, tv for an hour, dinner, bath bed

i wanted to be a fun mum with flexible kids but honestly, the routine and predictability were needed to give them calm

a lot of kids are overstimulated these days

take it back a notch

OP I have been a lone parent for 15 years. The early years were relentless. No one tells you that being a parent is the hardest job you’ll ever have.

It will get better.

I used to ignore the tantrum, let it ride out. I found that any attention was good in toddler eyes so I just ignored her, would just say on repeat “you are ok” and only paid real attention and interacted when she wasn’t being an asshole.

Several years of soul destroying playgrounds later (top tip, take a flask of tea) and it was joyous.

Is there any part of your routine with the terrorists that is yours? Do you get any time to recuperate when they are in bed?

It’s massively helped venting on here to be honest. It may not seem like much but helps get it into perspective.

I don’t even think dd is a very difficult toddler, she’s got a cold, and does seem to have hit a really (for want of a better word) negative and miserable stage, which is so hard, I hate whining, and complaining.

She’s playing so nicely next to me now and she has been so sweet at her little ballet Christmas party, i realise she is actually a lovely little girl, but she’s two.

we’re also at a funny place with naps.

I guess it’s just survival. This time next year she’ll be nearly three and a half and life will look so different. I’m just tired and lacking patience generally.

Your oldest is probably knackered from school. Just near that in mind.

I FEEL YOU!! I have been feeling like this for YEARS. Motherhood is a scam.. BUT my kids are now 7& 5 and life is so much easier. They are independent, I can reason with them (to an extent). Find little things for yourself to help you persevere. Once 2yo is 4 things WILL be different xx

Well I’m currently trying to get my 11 year old dd off her iPad and ready to come Christmas shopping with me, with a Starbucks as bribery, and all she can do is whinge and moan about wearing a jacket. Hoping for a Christmassy day with only some light shopping as it’s mostly done but seriously considering just fucking them all off and going myself

Well your assumption is wrong. I have had to parent harder than most people, my two DC are on the spectrum and thr youngest who was wild with severe sensory issues is also immun-compromised, with no nanny or cleaner in my council estate.
Children need to be stimulated, keep busy and taught about boundaries and expected behaviour.
I never said it was easy.. So many people have children, then hate the mess. It isn't fair on them to throw the towel in.

This is brilliant, you have a way with words. I can exactly picture the scene

I used to live next to a low security women’s prison and I once found myself googling what offences would get me in there. In my defence I was incredibly sleep deprived.

I hear you I get it, you know there’s no real answer but you just wanted to get it off your chest and be able to basically say I hate this fuckin stupid life and these whinging pain in the arse kids. Honestly I’ve been there, I’ve felt the same and thought what really is the point of this miserable existence. The only thing I can say is it honestly does get better, if there’s no one to take them off your hands for a few days then you’re just gonna have to get on with it which I know you already know but you need to vent. Only immediate sort of help I can offer is when your DH is available for 30 mins just say I’m nipping out and just go on a walk and come back it honestly has helped me loads of times to just give me time to breathe and not hear them. Mine are teens now and I hardly see them so life will be yours again one day but I know it feels like a lifetime away x

Some people are being horrible on this thread. It can be really really hard, parenting little ones is relentless and often tedious. It will get better. When my littlest got to about 4 is was so much easier. Mine are older teens now and I’m dreading them leaving. No advice so I’m sorry, just keep going. Hope you have someone to help you divide and conquer a bit.

Honestly I think people who find having small children easy fall into 3 camps.

1. Those with lots of money, who have some kind of paid nanny type childcare so they regularly go out for meals, have weekends away, go to lunchtime ‘functions’ and basically keep a glamorous social life alongside mummying. And when they are mummying it’s in a huge house with a massive garden, and all the accessories you can shake a stick at.
2. Those with fairly heavy grandparent support - they have ‘sleepovers at nanny’s’, ‘nanny’s picking them up from school and having them for tea’ and ‘I’m going out for so and so’s birthday so mum’s babysitting’ and this all happens quite regularly.
3. Those with lower parenting standard than me who are happy to hand them a tablet, make beige freezer food every night, and barely discipline them. So not much to be done bar appeasement and the basics really.

Yes I could stick my children on tablets and make fish fingers for dinner every night but ultimately I love them and what I do now affects their future health in a big way. So I cook healthy meals (more time and expense), ensure they get plenty of fresh air and exercise by going to the park/swimming/farm/bikes/whatever every day.

This is a HARD age (2). I used to loathe weekends and was so relieved to go back to work on Monday. Bank holidays put me into a depression. Now they are older those feelings have passed. There are other challenges but nothing compared to how I felt in those early years. It's different for everyone so some people won't identify at all but plenty will, I certainly do. I will say I look back and wish I'd not felt so miserable as I look at photos and they are so cute and I feel like I missed a lot of that as each day was so hard. BUT.....that's possibly also rose tinted glasses! So anyway, I hear you, hang in there, I found things got much better from about age 3 and things can actually be a lot of fun with them. And you get a bit of your own life back. Good luck op.

Who said they’re throwing the towel in?

It's difficult when they're little and you've no break or family support. I worked pt and I'd sometimes book an extra nursery day when I wasn't at work and I'd either tackle things like big housework (clearing out,etc) or take time to go for a swim or just relax in the quiet at home. We didn't have much money coming in, but I'd set aside any selling stuff on marketplace, etc.

It's nonstop at this age, and their behaviour can be so extreme. My dc both had easier behaviour from about 3/4 onwards.

With you in solidarity OP. I have often felt like this and then get into a cycle of hating them and then hating myself for hating them. The two minutes of awe and wonder they provide in any given day just doesn’t make up for the rest of their bull shit. My only advice is to do whatever it takes to keep you sane. Simple food, screen time, reaching out to anyone that can give you a breather. I was in a massive hole at one point and sought help from my GP and was able to access some counselling if that could be a solution for the longer term? Mine are older and it is getting better, if that helps. You are not alone! Sending love.

I came across your thread and I want to thank you because ive felt completely alone with feeling like this. I have 3 kids, eldest is 16 and autistic and calls me every name under the sun, doesnt help with any chores, and has no respect for me. Middle one is 7 and has ADHD and behaves like an untrained greyhound/German Shepherd pretty much all day, has very little impulse control (if any) and whilst theres a degree of listening the retainment of any information could rival that of a goldfish with dementia. Youngest one is 2 and doesnt play with toys instead they are used as projectiles to be thrown at myself and anyone else and I am repeatedly smacked in the face/body and my hair pulled several times a day.

I feel like im drowning with it. Ive lost all sense of joy and its really getting me down, but i dont want to go to the doctors and be stuck on antidepressants when they all negatively affect me and they wont work because its not me making myself feel this way, its the unrelenting, all consuming, all encompassing daily grind of raising my children. 2 of which are diagnosed neurospicy and the 3rd will likely be diagnosed in a few years (il be shocked if neurotypical) i am very envious of those family's who are able to go out and do activities and do nice things like baking and crafting and even watch a movie! Because those things are impossible for mine.

This is very true. I think a lot of people underestimate grandparent support especially. Even one grandparent pick up from school each week could be saving upwards of £500 in wrap around across a school year. It removes a lot of stress if you know you’ve got a willing grandparent round the corner (we don’t).

Best to do less !! Just b a good parent and don't spoil them to much that will take the pressure off you ! And maybe the kids will appreciate this more when u feel better ! Your mood will deffo be having an impact of the kids theirr still tiny things will get better thou big hugs 🤗 x

I often think that … even having it as an option makes a difference.