I don’t want to parent this weekend

[selfpityingnonsense]

Or over Christmas

or in the new year

or ever

I am sick of the noise; the whinging, whining, screaming, fighting and demands. I’m sick of the house being a mess, I’m sick of nothing ever being good enough and giving my all 24/7 and getting absolutely nothing back in return.

and I know I’m being unreasonable and don’t really care. I just wish I could walk: no motivation at all just now.

Ah the good old days,
please carefully read all the pointless suggestions here 🤣 it is bleak and really shit, but, it does get better. I remember feeling the same, they just don’t stop, screaming, crying, moaning about pointless things. They don’t care how you feel, I’m pretty sure they are trying to break you, it feels horrid and shit and all pointless. But one day it doesn’t and life gets better.

my advice, moan, swear, do all the things you need to do to get through it, oh and of course read the pointless replies that will definitely fix the issue, add more activities, pay for more nursery, hire all full time nanny and make sure you feed her too! Maybe even go to Disney land!

it will get better, I promise, but right now this is a war that you have no choice about, wine could help, or beg the GP for the good drugs 😬. But remember, they will grow up so start panning your revenge now!

my daughter was awful, but now, she pays me actual money to clean her room before her boyfriend comes, could I do it for free? Yes, but I won’t for all the times she wouldn’t stop moaning and screaming and refused to tidy up!

Be kind to yourself, or find money from no where and follow Mumsnet advise!

Merry Christmas 🎄

Hey OP, sounds like you're in a bit of a pickle with your thoughts.
Parenting can be so difficult and draining.
I had my 3 in 3 1/2 years. It was so tough at times I would just cry.
When I look back, there are many moments that I so wished I had handled differently - but hey, they are now all teenagers and seem to be doing ok.

Thankfully I only worked part time , but on nights/twilight shifts - so my sleep opportunity and quality was not great. Added to that, my youngest loved to pretend to be a newborn and didn't sleep through the night until she was about 5. I couldn't leave her to cry as she would vomit!

I did lots with my 3, but still the guilt eats away, especially when having negative thoughts about them. You look around and everyone seems so much better at it.

These tricky times will pass (then replaced by another challenge!).

I remember a health visitor saying you don't have to be the best, just good enough.

My daily achievements were getting the kids to bed, having fed. clothed and entertained them. That's when I had a chance to breathe and remember that I loved them.

I did sometimes wish someone would just take them away.

You are not alone in your thoughts.

I feel you on this! I've three kids and December overwhelm and sickness bugs galore. I would like to run away to a cabin in the woods and hide under a duvet. But we can't, so we push through and show up to plays and make dinner etc and feel utterly burnt out. And I have a partner who is very hands on with our kids, I take my hat off to you doing it alone.

It doesn't make you a shit parent, if you were you probably wouldn't feel as burnt out!

People never seem to understand that we don't all have family around the corner willing to help out! I've had one night away from my 8 year old in his whole life and that was a hospital admission! I even had my other two at home partly because we don't have any childcare.

Strong coffee, loop earplugs, hum to myself when I feel like I'm going to scream and we will get through another day. And as awful as this always sounds, we will probably end up missing these jars days when we're old!!

He says he can't. He's completely convincing - it all makes sense when he says it and you feel bad adding on more pressure. He might even believe it.

But he can do more. Just like you, he can do difficult things.

Oh I also forgot the constant screeching/screaming. I don't know how I forgot because it makes me want to chop my own bloody ears off and there has been many a time I've been tempted to screech at full volume because I'm not getting my own way just so he can see how absolutely ridiculous and annoying it is. He manages to act like a civilised human being at school though so that's something.

The OP is married, presumably to the DCs father.

But is refusing to say why he can't or won't take them out or stay at home with them, to give her a break.

This sounds very familiar to me. All you can do is try and keep going. Less toys out was useful for my two as too much choice seemed to overwhelm them as well as leading to so much clutter. My MIL used to buy so much stuff it was infuriating.

I used to cheat some time for myself sometimes by having a cuppa before leaving work. The traffic to the motorway was super slow so I spent 20-30 mins drinking a cuppa in peace rather than sitting seething in traffic. Occasional lieu days for working bank holidays were used when the kids were in school/nursey. Time for a good blitz in the house but time to meet a friend or just sit in silence. More than once I dreamed about running away from them!

Yep, I'm just getting life back a bit now but my youngest is still little aged 5. I'm perimenopausal so it's really hard at times. I do not need all the shitty perimenopause symptoms on top of tantrums and whining 😳😵‍💫🤣

The blindingly obvious difference being that if you have a husband who is hands on, you CAN take the time off you need whilst the other parent parents. Of course the kids traits don’t change but you can take a break from it, whether that’s an hour, an afternoon or a weekend. The op, for whatever reason, hasn’t got this.

This is so funny. And true. Just do this or that with them. Doesn't work. Just adds more stress trying to go anywhere with them. Activities at home like baking or arts and crafts? Fuck that. My kids have the attention span of a newt and would just end up fighting and making more mess anyway. Or the baby would be into everything he can't have then throwing a fit when it's taken off him or he would be away trying to stick his fingers in the sockets or drink out the dogs bowl while I'm distracted with the others ("put him in the highchair with a snack or something to play with"...lol OK and when that 2 minutes is over??) or the older kids would be whining about the younger ones touching things or fighting over who gets to do which task or gets which pencil etc etc etc. Oh, speaking of mess, just lower your standards with housework. What? So I can end up even more overstimulated and frustrated by the state of my house on top of everything else?? Mental.

It sounds like you need a break, OP. Is that possible at all? For an afternoon, a day or a week? When I felt like that, I took myself to the cinema over lunchtime with a big cup of coffee. Nobody can contact you and it's a few hours to get away.

I did laugh at your description of your two year olds voice, it took me back to wanting to rip my ears off when mine was whinging like that. They had a special "baby" voice that drove me almost insane, it was like having a drill in my brain. It will pass but it is so draining when you are in the trenches with it.

Been here many many times with my kids. Ironically I find it easier since leaving my children's father. He has to have them every other weekend meaning I get a nice 44 hour break a couple of times a month. Plus they're both in school. Kids are arseholes sometimes

Awww bless you, we have 4 under 4 but I love it plus olders ...do you maybe feel a bit depressed or something or is there any one you know well to have a good chat with

Are you a single parent? Do you really think we're all handing our kids over to our husbands for entire weekends? That's not how it works. Parenting isn't a race to the bottom, people with husbands are allowed to struggle.

I only had one but was a single parent and at times i was at my wits end, I used to go outside and kick the wheelie bin.The whinging, mine could have won Gold if moaning was an Olympic event, . it was always accompanied by tearless crying, which was how I knew it wasn't anything terrible. They do mature out of it but it is draining while you are going through it.

Drop your standards in a way that wont add to your unhappiness. Your kids wont remember Christmas 2025, and quite frankly iin a few years it will be a blur for you too.

Feed them chicken nuggets, put cbeebies on loop, skip bathtime, forget your pre made plans and do something YOU would enjoy more.

Become a 90s mum 😀

I think you’ve done a brilliant thing moaning on here. Get it off your chest. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that.

parenting can be shit.

sending you strength and solidarity sister!

OP, I’m a teacher in a leadership position, and my two older kids attend my school. My 3-year old just started at the preschool at my school.

Yesterday, in front of the entire parent body who were exiting the building after a performance, my 3-year old decided to throw the worlds biggest tantrum because I took off her coat instead of letting her do it (she was taking forever and the zipper got stuck).

She threw herself down on the pavement behind my car, and started writhing around on the ground, screaming like she was demon possessed. When I tried to pick her, she stiffened her whole body so that I literally could not lift her into the car. She was screaming so loudly that my Apple Watch alerted me that I was in a loud environment. The parents were just watching me, gawking, probably wondering why they were paying such ridiculously expensive school fees when school leadership can’t even get their own kids into the car.

I eventually got her strapped into her car seat (I literally had to elbow her in the stomach to get the strap on) and she screamed the entire way home. My DS had to plug his ears with his fingers the whole way. When we got inside the house, I left them downstairs (DD still having a tantrum) and went into my room and cried.

I completely understand how you feel, and have nothing but solidarity.

Ah the horribly whiney stage! I hate that too.

One thing that helped for us is I would say, "when you are ready tell me in your normal voice," more whining, "I can't understand you when you talk like that. When you are ready tell me in your normal voice," more whining, "I really want to hear what you are saying, can you tell me in your normal voice?"

If you double down on this and say this every time (keeping calm on the outside) then it should work. Might take a few days but if you don't give in to answering when they use their whining voice then it will work. I still have to pull out out sometimes but they learn. Solidarity OP, those ages are hard. I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and it's easier than last year. Have a glass of wine tonight, that helps too!

Mumsnet at its finest yet again. Kick someone when they’re down and struggling. Kids can be utter shits and no it doesn’t make us bad parents to say that we feel so helpless. This is why is still taboo for mums to express how they really feel - you’ll get some smug earth mother type saying 'oh deary me what an awful mother you are or you must be depressed if you’re not enjoying this time with your whiny, loud and misbehaving little monster’

I would think that many many families are indeed taking turns to have some time out, as we did when our children were this age. Absolutely yes to a few hours a week here and there each, and one or two weekends away each annually.
I actually also think it’s kind of insulting to the parents who have the extremely difficult task to parent solo 24-7, to suggest a life with a hands on spouse is in any way similar. You can go for a walk, a run, a coffee, whatever at any point over a weekend which the op can’t. It’s not comparable.

First of all, you missed the fact OP does actually have a partner.

Anyway. Many families are taking turns, yes. We do too. But that doesn't make life easy. It means we rarely (if ever) get time as a couple. It means we're spending weekends as a split family. As we both work full time, it means whoever has the kids has a shit and knackering weekend. "Taking turns" with two toddlers doesn't remotely make having two toddlers easy.

I'm so sick of everyone trying to minimise the struggle of having young kids - as I already said, it's not a race to the bottom, just let people vent.

That sounds exhausting OP. Disclaimer -dh and I have no children but were hands on with dnieces and dnephews. And even having just one of them for 24 hours at that age was exhausting. Just after my father died my mother went round the world to visit friends and relatives. As soon as she'd gone my DSis caught a virus that they thought was meningitis originally. Dh and 12 yr old niece stayed at ours, DSis was in hospital/at her house and I had 2 yr old niece at mum's because that was where the spare cot was. I swear that week destroyed me. It was actually easier when 2 yr old got an ear infection and perforated eardrum and couldn't go to nursery, but between checking on my sister, taking her to the dr, taking DNiece to the dr, sitting beside the cot at 2am stroking her back while I tried to get her back to sleep, the yells for mummy at 5.50 every morning I was broken. I only saw DH in order to hand over dirty washing in exchange for clean (usually in the street halfway to the park..) and it left me with a profound respect for every parent of young children. And I was conscious throughout that this was temporary and that I could hand them back. But you will get through it, it will become easier and you will have time again to sit in peace with a book. In the meantime, you are not alone!

@selfpityingnonsense mine are 5&7 now and life is pretty lovely. My oldest sounds like your little one - standard parenting advice doesn’t really work for her. She was just immensely highly strung… Dr Becky on instagram (she has a podcast too) is brilliant for these kids - techniques and how to work with them. The book How to talk so little kids will listen is also good. Sometimes you just need scripts of what to say and do!

When my now 5yo was 2ish I was totally overwhelmed, for slightly different reasons, and I did actually go on holiday for a few days on my own - I was so close to breaking point and needed some peace and quiet. It was a massive turning point in being able to cope.

At 5&7 they are now great fun. Oldest is still a bit stroppy and emotional at times but can snap herself out of it and is a smart, funny, kind kid. It gets better.