I don’t want to parent this weekend

[selfpityingnonsense]

Or over Christmas

or in the new year

or ever

I am sick of the noise; the whinging, whining, screaming, fighting and demands. I’m sick of the house being a mess, I’m sick of nothing ever being good enough and giving my all 24/7 and getting absolutely nothing back in return.

and I know I’m being unreasonable and don’t really care. I just wish I could walk: no motivation at all just now.

@Bepo77nope, I didn’t miss that at all. Nor did I miss where she detailed that her dh can’t help her. Unlike yours who you describe as hands on. My point is simply that the situations are not remotely comparable. No idea why you keep talking about a race to the bottom.

Hey @selfpityingnonsense i hear you. It is shit. Mom of a 4 year old and 10 months old clingy baby here… can i vent here too 🫣 we got this. Monday is little bit closer now

Depends where you live, we have a warning fog rain and high winds!

You are not a shit parent OP, parenting is hard and 2 young children is very hard especially with nap dropping and your DS navigating starting school and behaviour that can bring.

I know you are avoiding speaking about your DH but from my experience I have found that each other us spending a morning/afternoon per weekend with 1 of our DD's each makes the weekend much more bearable. We try and do this on a Saturday morning and both of their behaviour is better as they've had some 1:1 attention that is hard to get during the week and a break from each other too.

It is super hard though if your DH cant/won't help- my DH works away a month on, month off and the month he's away it is a slog. I keep telling myself this is the long game, my youngest won't always be 2 and there will be plenty of time to declutter when they are older and more interested in their friends than us. Easier said than done though I know.

Cool, then you've read all the posts where she said she didn't want to talk about her DHs share of the burden, and didn't want this to turn into a thread about husbands' contributions...?

So when someone says a race to the bottom, they mean people are trying to compete for who has a harder or more miserable life. The problem is, it's all relative. So telling me I'm in a better situation than the OP because my husband is hands-on is insulting and ignorant. My husband has just had cancer, for example - where do you place that on the scale of whose life with two kids is harder or whose situation is comparable? This thread is about two young kids being hard work. Which it is, husband or not.

Without sounding like a dick, this is very very telling.

Wait till they’re 7. This age has been totally shit and the hardest yet.

Oh @selfpityingnonsense you have my empathy.

When DS was 2, he was beautiful. Funny. A joy. And then turn into the most stubborn child i had ever met. I built up some seriously strong arm muscles with the number of times I had to carry him (stiff as a board) under one arm and a scooter or bike or other giant nonsense he insisted on bringing out under the other arm. And he wouldn't listen - he would literally turn around and not look at me if I was doing all the calm parenting things. The naughty step? He would slowly move further and further up the stairs every time I turned away.

I cam laugh about it now because it is 8 years later.

But all that time and frustration with him was compounded because I would turn around and oh shit, there's the 6 year old wanting to play lego or playmobil or want to tell me about the solar system or plans for owning 18 horses and dog groomer when she was older.

I was not prepared for how relentless parenting is. Yes, I knew having children meant they would be around all the time. I just hadnt quite grasped that they would be right there. all the time.

Totally get your desire to sit still and quietly with nobody around. Bliss. Joy.

No suggestions for you. It does get better. And I found going out for walks every day of holidays to essentially tire them out helped. And playing "mummy is poorly" which meant they would play with a doctors set and gently tap me on my arms and head to get rid of spiders (apparently I was RIDDLED with spiders) at least gave me a chance to lie down...

Anyway. Good luck. Best regards.

I think most of us have felt like this at some point, the incessant wingeing, clamouring for attention or just seeing to other people’s needs and never your own.
I had 2 17 months apart and I honestly thought I was cracking up at one point and went to a gp, who told me Mothers of young children are under so much pressure, lack of sleep, eating properly and working and that they wished more people would seek help.
Just talking about it helped and made me realise we’re all in the same boat. Motherhood can be pretty isolating as well as intense and overwhelming.
I used to get mine outside regardless of the weather, when out they wouldn’t squabble/fight, shout “Mummy” every 10 seconds and I could just breathe.
I still walk a lot 12 years later, I do the school drop off the walk to work etc that 40 mins walking is my reset time.
No other suggestions but sending a sympathy hug and it does get better!

Sorry but you do sound like a dick. There could be all sorts of reasons why the OP does not want to discuss her DH, disabled, absent, DV, in prison.
Allow her some privacy..

They are relentless that age. DC were always up between 5.30 and 6.00 every fecking morning. It was brutal, this too shall pass.

The only was we got through it was to tag team. At the weekend, we each took one morning as a lie in. It was regimented. A lie in meant, up showered and ready to take over at 11.30. The other parent got two hours off in the afternoon. I was better at getting up so did the morning both days and napped in the afternoon. Those naps saw me able to function the rest of the week.

Your DD might be acting out because she wants your attention. Good or bad doesn't matter. DS could be distracted, DD not so much. DD liked us colouring together.

My DS did not stop talking, ever. Now he is at uni, I miss it. One word texts are not enough. The house is so quiet.

DS didn't really have terrible twos. I do recall being on holiday, he was tantruming in the hotel room. He fell asleep, woke up 2 hours later and carried it on.

I never feel judgy about other people's toddlers having a tantrum. Could be any one of us.

I really empathise OP, I also have a 3 year age gap but have a baby and a 3 year old. Just the other say I was thinking if perhaps I could make it to the baby is 1 and then I could leave my husband and just have the kids part time which led me down looking at custody plans. As you say what I want is to be alone in my house, not a hotel for days on end. Not a few hours here and there.

No advice but solidarity.

OP, there's a reason why in the film Bad Moms (which incidentally is a really good, subversive film) the mums talk about just wanting 'a quiet breakfast'
It WILL pass.

Am I the only one who has found this thread MASSIVELY cheering?! My 2.5 year old is insane, I’m heavily pregnant, tired and basically dreading the next five years, but it’s oddly bolstering to read that they’re so many of us. 🤣

Merry Christmas all!

@selfpityingnonsense there's a jolly good reason we talk about the terrible twos and threes.
It's an horrific, exhausting part of the parenting journey but you'll get through it. Probably as you are going through it with your second child, you've not had chance to recover fully from the first rodeo, as your older child came out of the terrible threes as you were expecting your younger child.
If you have a partner, can you organise that each of you gets some time that isn't when you are at work? If not, can you take the children to soft play or stay & play facility, ideally with a friend who knows what it's like having two who are 5 and under?
It gets easier as the children grow and develop. Promise!

I can't offer advice but I hear you. It's so hard. And yes having a partner you can take it it turns but it doesn't stop the early wakes, the having to take a child or children to watch school events, appointments etc because you're on seperate shifts and there's noone else to take them for an hour, I don't know about you but everyone I know has some sort of help which makes it more noticeble. The missing your partner because you can never go off out together. I know everyone says pay a babysitter but realistically it costs a small fortune that you may or may not have, you risk being called back after 20 minutes but still have to pay the full amount. You're in the trenches right now but underneath it all there are two little people that love you so very much. Be kind to yourself, no advice but solidarity

What time do they go to bed? If it's early enough, could you just forget housework for the night, have a bath, get into some cosy jammies and curl up with a book in bed or on the couch in front of the fire and try to pretend it's just you...?

I'm currently home alone with the baby and DH has taken the other 4 out to the playground before the heavens open.
Our toddler is at the whine/whinge/moan/woe is me/tantrum stage.
He wasn't impressed when they had to leave the playground and on the way up towards the town was at his usual carryon, they met Dh's sister enroute and she has just sent me a video that has me cracking up.
My SIL was busy videoing all the boys singing happy birthday to her son (their cousin) who is currently in hospital when DS4 did one of his dramatic throwing himself on the ground acts and giving his usual tantrum performance while screaming "pwaygwound, my wants the pwaygwound NOW"
DH then proceeded to join him on the ground throwing his arms and legs around and loudly whinge "no playground, I don't want the playground, you're not getting the playground"
DS stops immediately and looks in horror at DH throwing a wobbler on the path and announces "Bowd Daddy"
I'm going to try that at home the next time he does it to me, which will probably be in a couple of hours🙄

I’m in Kent and it’s divine. Mild, clear sky and sun.

It's too hard to look forward years at a time. Try to look forward to little moments like your evenings. I'm in your situation too so I know how hard it is to spend all day with a 2yo who's turning into a child you just don't like!

One day they’ll be grown up and you’ll be begging for a snipped of their attention, the house will be clean and you will be sat in silence … try and make the most of it.

Lucky you I’m in Scotland with torrential rain.

Yup, definitely lucky to live here. Love it

I love Scotland but the weather today is vile. It’s proper torrential rain.