I don’t want to parent this weekend

[selfpityingnonsense]

Or over Christmas

or in the new year

or ever

I am sick of the noise; the whinging, whining, screaming, fighting and demands. I’m sick of the house being a mess, I’m sick of nothing ever being good enough and giving my all 24/7 and getting absolutely nothing back in return.

and I know I’m being unreasonable and don’t really care. I just wish I could walk: no motivation at all just now.

Mine are 5 and 2 (nearly 3) and it's been relentless recently. I'm so fed up of the illnesses. Sick to death of being sick. Before kids, I was ill 2/3 times a year. Now I don't even know how often we get ill, it's so often. 2 year old is/ was a shit sleeper. He finally started sleeping through a few weeks ago but when he's ill, he can't stand it and wakes every 60-90 minutes again. He's also got big emotions, in the middle of dropping the nap which means meltdowns every evening he skips a nap. It's draining.

Just first to say, you're not a bad parent it's just dreadful sometimes. I took an extra year off to be with my son for various reasons, mostly financial but emotional too as he's ivf and we waited a while to have him so wanted to be there, and on the days it's difficult and I don't enjoy it I feel awful. He's two but he definitely knows when I'm sick of him, and again the guilt you feel on top of everything is terrible.

I can't speak to having two kids but just with my two year old, he ramps up when he knows I'm tired or "pulling away" from him to mentally cope, I guess checking out in a small to make it through the day. Must say those days aren't common as he's not a big tantrumer but I find because he notices me trying to get some peace by doing chores or removing myself to another room for a bit, his behaviour escalates. I found it works to include him in things, so he "hoovers" and he sits on the bench while I cook (used to love his toddler tower but just climbs it now). Yes everything takes longer and it's not exactly peaceful but its far preferable to my mental state when I'm trying to do things and he's bawling and grabbing my legs etc. He's always gone 0-100 and has a loud cry so it's a bit triggering, probably from his baby days. We actually end up having a lovely toddler chat and he is clearly happier to have the time with me and is a calmer boy for it.

And re kinetic sand, we've got it in his tuff tray in the house and it's great, he does get it on the floor but I just hopver it up later (while privately thinking that's 50pence worth in the hoover)

Hopefully this difficult season of parenting will pass soon for you, it's just such a powerless time as in some ears you are at the mercy of your changing children as they grow, recalibrate and develop, and the difficult patches are so hard when it's all on you. Wishing you the best and hope you have a great Christmas!

We’re in the middle of nap dropping too! I never know which is better … no nap and half six bedtime or nap and no evening!

Just here to say, big hugs you are not alone and most people will have gone through periods like this. Like anything shit it doesn't last. Be very kind to yourself. Keep on keeping on things will get better ❤️

OP, deep breath, this too shall pass. Honestly, they fuck off into the big wide world eventually.

This. Absolutely every time.

We're so used to men exploiting us - it's the air that we breathe, we can't even see it.

I find it heartening that so many mums can relate to that feeling of wanting to run away. I remember reading about Typhoid Mary when mine were small, and thought being banished to live completely alone on a small island sounded like bliss, not a punishment.

Apologies if I missed something in your posts but unless your husband works 14 hours a day - 7 days a week why can't you have time alone on his days off? Where he takes them out or you go out and he cares for them? Often the issue with not being able to cope with the difficult years with children is because your co-parent doesn't do their share.

I'll take no nap and 6.30 bedtime any day of the week!!

2 is a really, really hard age. And just starting school is also a really hard age. Both at the same time is particularly grotty because they both want your full attention 100% of the time and their best ways of communicating that are whining / screaming / destroying.

I've just had some really good advice (did a parenting course for parents of autistic children) with the "three baskets" where you put the one behaviour you find intolerable in the first basket, one or two behaviours that are close runners up in the second and everything else in the third. Ignore all the behaviours in the third basket, pick them up mostly on things in the second, but the one item in the first basket is zero tolerance, consequences (or appropriate response) every time.

For us it was self-injuring behaviour in the first basket and it really has improved now that I've made that distinction between that and the minor stuff like refusing to eat or using hands instead of cutlery. Then once you've emptied the first basket, you can move something up from the second. It's a long process but it really works, and I also found giving myself permission to ignore the trivia was also helpful.

Do you think something like that might work with the whining?

Completely empathise. Am struggling atm too. My 4yo is particularly whiney atm. I'm looking into reducing screentime (especially the fast paced shows) because can decrease attention span and cause bad behaviour and I'm sure they are responsible for at least some of the wingeing!

Can you look at screen use? Also, getting a break when (or if) you can via use of family, friends or nursery?

My mum and dad always let us know how hard and depressing parenting young children were and my childhood was pretty miserable. I decided when I had mine that I was going to concentrate on enjoying the good bits and tolerate as happily as I could the hard bits. Even when mine were very young my dad would say to me 'don't worry this won't last forever.' Seemed a sad way to look at parenting. I was always trying to do my best and have as good a relationship with my kids as possible despite no sleep and a lot of the time feeling exhausted. Probably helped I was an older mum so didn't feel I was missing out too much on other things. Feel your exhaustion but pls try not to let it show to your kids too often x

Oh no absolutely not life being over - this is just the worst stage - esp with the two year old - it’ll get much much better! Even 12 months time you will see a big improvement and once they are both at school then there is lots of taxi’ing but lovely me time slots during activities to listen to radio, Read book / have walk etc!!

when my two fight now (10 and 12) they get sent to their rooms to read. I cannot bear the noise

is your partner helping?

As if she can just pop to IKEA. You have no idea where she lives and whether that is feasible. It would involve our driving down the M1 and M25 and poor OP would have a tantruming toddler in the back. I’m surprised you haven’t helpfully suggested a Spa day.

Yeah I’m not going to ikea in December 😂

Yes, please look at screen use.

Never, NEVER underestimate how much this affects behaviour. Do not make it the norm, especially for children under 5. It’s an unpopular opinion but it is honestly so damaging.

It’s the absolute first thing I would change in this situation.

Teenager are also similar in my area - they’d probably rob everything in the house!!

Ahh this is so tough. Mine are 5 and 3 and it’s loads better now the 3 year old full communicates and oldest is at school but let me tell you I was IN THE TRENCHES before school started. I felt horribly guilty for feeling that way but I literally never got a break. The weekends with my OH were slightly easier but if he ever had weekend plans the dread used to consume me. We are at a stage now they play fairly nicely together and I really miss my oldest when he’s at school so it’s made me a lot more grateful when he’s around. It does get easier but that doesn’t help you when you’re in the thick of it, as the days are so long. Can you get a day and night to yourself! Book yourself into a travel lodge even. It makes the world of difference getting a clear head for 24-48 hours xx

Girl whining is the pits, way worse than boys imo. It’s the high pitched-ness of it, pierces your brain and irritates every last nerve. My eldest used to tease and wind her sister up constantly and make her scream and whine. I honestly think it would be a very effective torture method to get info out of people.
It does pass OP, hang in there.

Hi xxx sending a virtual hug; and defo no judgement here . Ours were horrendous that age and the battles change as they get older.
my youngest us 12 now and I volunteer with homestart .- a similar charity saved my arse when mine were young !- We work with families with a child under five x I don’t work magic but the mum I’m working with said I help buy listening and offering some advice when she wants it :)
we have a good laugh and a grumble !
give your nearest one a call ….. takes a village to raise a child !!! Xx

You sound utterly burnt out OP.

It's not fair on you and it's not fair on your children.

I can strongly recommend loop earplugs. They don't stop you hearing full stop but they do block out the hum drum of the whining and the groaning and the bickering.

Get a pair of ear defenders for the kids too, when they can hear each other less they bicker less.

Do stuff to make your life easier even if it means dropping some standards just to reclaim some energy.

2 and 5 are hard ages, but it does get better.

It's a trial; life with toddlers.

Does anyone buy you a Christmas present?

Suggest gifts of childcare, a cleaner and a day spa.

I remember those days. They were really difficult. I used to try to get out of the house as much as possible. ut while they seem to drag on forever when you are in them, looking back the time has flown by. Funnily enough, now mine are grown, I look back on those days with great affection! Sometimes they can be very demanding and exhausting, but the good bits are what stay with you. Try to make as many happy memories as possible, this stage is over in a heartbeat!

No you’re not a single parent?
or
No you don’t have a partner?

I get this. So much.

I understand people try to be helpful but my kids (4 under 6) are very challenging and the occasional break is lovely but a few hours or even a day here and there doesn't "make the world of difference". Because you go straight back into dealing with all the shite at home again.

Mine go to a mix of school full time and nursery for 2/3 days a week but that makes zero difference to how utterly draining their behaviour is from the second they open their eyes every day or indeed the fact they don't have those things at the weekend. Love them really...

Have to disagree. My oldest boy whinges non stop in this irritating tone that absolutely goes through me. He acts like a toddler half the time. Even stamps his foot and everything. Would break even the most hardened criminal. I've had to resort to asking him all day every day if he would like to try that again because telling him to shut the f up doesn't seem to be an acceptable parenting method.