To think if you had to, you’d be able to do this?! (Parenting)

[Youurrs]

It was just me and my baby from when he was around 5 weeks old. I had absolutely no choice but to sort a sleep routine and subsequently have organisation and a routine after nursery and bedtimes (almost always on time) because I literally would not have been able to look after my child if I didn’t, as a single parent and then as a working single parent after maternity leave finished.

I have noticed that mums who have no choice seem to make these things work, those who have options seem to struggle. For instance my sister went through several weeks of walking everywhere with her dd as she couldn’t get dd in the car seat. I could not identify with this as I HAD to get my child in the car to go to work. There was no option. Yet she will to this day say it was impossible to get her child in the car.

Have other people noticed this? Maybe it’s just my personal experience from some small examples!

Love how if one's experiences don't fit the accepted MN norm then one is 'smug'.

I agree with this. Nothing wrong with putting your child in a car when they don't like it because you have to go to work and earn a living.

Also nothing wrong with avoiding a car journey because your child hates it and you've got the luxury to chose.

why do people say this like they deserve some kind of award…my ex SIL did the same thing. There’s so many reasons why the recommendation is to have them in with you…it’s absolutely NOTHING to be proud of

Absolutely nothing to be ASHAMED of either, not sure why you needed the capital letters there, It used to be the norm to put babies in their own room very early on, today the 'advice' is different and today's parents follow this 'advice' slavishly. Luckily I thought for myself and did what I thought was right, which meant that the perceived wisdom that babies should sleep on their front wasn't followed and thank God it wasn't because we all know how that 'advice' turned out. The 'experts' are not always right.

I was sympathetic until I read this 🤣 I am a single mom to a 6 and 7 year old and I do have to lie down with them as my eldest is autistic and very anxious so needs me there. Some nights it can be after 12 before he sleeps. I still clean my house, manage to wash their clothes and eat (🤣) and I work too. Your being a little judgemental here, sometimes you should try walking in other people’s shoes.

I sort of agree with you, but only up to a point. There are certain things I ‘had’ to do with my twins as when you’re on your own with twins it can be very unsafe when they are very little. Some things they complied with and other things they just simply refused to do. For instance it took them until they were about 4-5 years old to hold my hand when walking outside. It was incredibly important to keep them both safe at the same time but they both completely refused. There were a million instances of taking 45 minutes to walk a 5-10 minute journey or simply not being able to go out or being taken home straight away in tears because they would refuse to comply. I was late everywhere for years. I also got a sleep routine early so I could cope, but from 3 months old they both only cat-napped for 30 minutes all day. I tried absolutely everything. EVERYTHING. They simply wouldn’t nap longer. No chores were done during the because at least one of them was always awake. This went on til they were 13 months old.

I do fully believe some kids are more compliant that others, regardless of how you parent them.

I agree with this. One of my friend’s is a single mum to an autistic little boy. He also won’t sleep for hours and hours every evening no matter what she does. She takes brilliant care of the house and laundry and also works full time.

My child was impossible in the car, but had to go in. If i could have walked her everywhere i would have. I guess your sister just picked the easier way out.
Just because something would be possible, doesnt mean its the better way.

Currently ting with my 8 year old till he sleeps. I’ll parent my way you do you.

Wasn't the guidelines in early 90s when mine were born

Some are definitely more compliant and 'easy' than others. Having had multiple kids, they're all so different.

You make work what your child needs. Even with multiple kids, being pregnant, three preschoolers, a newborn, when I was on my own because my DH was overseas for work, I sat with them to sleep and never trained them. Somehow, other stuff got done too.

My older ones were born in the 90s and I don't recall any guidelines about this issue at all.

Because I have an understanding that not all children are the same.

Plus, its still worth it to me. My first turned into a loving easy child as they got older.

It's not just parenting, it's everything. If you have no choice you just crack on.

That's not to say people with more choice are ridiculous for struggling. It often does feel harder when you know things could easily be different. It's like having a cupboard full of chocolate and sweets - it's much harder to eat healthily knowing it's there, than if it wasn't.

Well that’s funny because I was born in 1985 and when I had my babies I asked my mum what the guidelines were for me. She said the same…in the same room until 6months, breastfeed if possible and the only thing that was different was that we were put on stomachs to sleep. The “back to sleep” campaign didn’t start until the 90’s.

I was referring to how long they should be in your room. I don't recall any guidelines about that. We were told, in the early 90s, to put them on back or side to sleep. That later became back to sleep.

Moot in my house anyway as we ended up choosing to co-sleep.

yeah I co slept with my youngest for two years…I miss that! The little snuggles 🥰 .

I have single handedly raised my two under 15 months until their early teens and just got on with it.

Their father doesn't cook for them, wash their clothes, clear up after them, never bathed them etc I've done all the booking medical appointments (of which there are numerous, including being there for one child while we still had weekly hospital appointments in the city), dental appointments, clothes them, done the shopping, all the school.stuff etc He has never done the youngest's bedtime as far as I can recall. He will just about manage one bedtime per week for the eldest.

I hold down a part time job too.

Both disabled. Both still need me to stay with them and provide sensory input until they're asleep. Takes about three hours per night and I still manage to wash their clothes and have a shower.

Been doing this alone for 14 years. With their disability I have no choice but to sit with them at bedtime. If I didn't, it would cause us all distress and take twice as long!

I don't really understand the point of your post, one person's ability to cope, vastly varies from person to person. Also some children settle at night, some don't. For instance I am a single mum to 3 DC, when my twins were younger they did not settle and I did have to stay with them until they went to sleep, unless I wanted to listen to them scream til they were exhausted. When they were asleep, I still did my dishes, washing, tidying etc. Went to bed tired, woke up exhausted. Went about my day, took my older DC to school, picked him up etc. Yes people find a way to adjust to situations, but if you had other options which would help, or make things easy, why wouldnt you consider them? Your post seems very critical of anyone who has not done the same as you. I think however people manage/cope is no one else's business if the kids are safe, clean and fed.

Some things I just let go (like with youngest staying until they fell asleep) because i was absolutely knackered - single mum and just wanted to sleep i did everything 24/7

Other things - car seat absolutely none negotiable, one decided to let themselves out of the seat mid drive and i unleashed verbal holy hell. Did not do it again

So yes, some things I do "let go" when it benefits me and im exhausted - not often!
But mostly, days off unless vomitting - nope - off to school you go! Its ok to not want too, but unfortunately we have too!

Oh fuck off. Some babies are needier than others. Is that such a strange concept?

Here's a mother of the year award.

OK, so you had no choice. If she's walking everywhere with her baby, it means she lives within a few miles of where she needs to be.

I'll take a 3 mile walk over 20 minutes with a screaming baby in the car if I had that choice.

I don't understand this.

I have dinner with my toddler every night.

He also plays just fine while I put laundry in the washing machine. He also "helps" me fold laundry.

I bought a toddler tower so he can stand next to me in the kitchen while I meal prep.

I shower in the morning before he wakes up.

He actually goes to sleep just fine but I don't like leaving all chores for after he's asleep, as I like to relax with a film.

I feel it is far too broad if a statement. All children are not the same and no child is the same every day. Not all parents are the same and no parent is good at everything. There’ll be things she’s better at than you, you just don’t know about them.

I was a single parent too. I never had a routine, to be honest. But I was self-employed and had no maternity leave at all (I worked on the day I went into hospital and on the day I came out of hospital with the baby). I sent baby to nursery at the earliest possible time (3 months) and never felt a pang of guilt - but it was a fantastic nursery. I ran my own business from home, and I sometimes had to have my baby in meetings with me, because they very rarely slept. I had no family within 100s of miles and no other support network. I never had an offer of babysitting, for instance, and had to earn all the nursery fees myself (there was very little free provision in those days). I was so sleep deprived that I sleep trained the baby at 7 weeks. This involved a couple of nights of unhappiness, and then sleeping through. I didn't feel much guilt over that, because it was absolutely necessary and made sense for baby too. I was pretty astonished at the women I met who were married to lovely men and had local, very supportive parents and were on long maternity leaves, but still whinged about how hard having a baby was (I don't think they had difficult babies, either). I really enjoyed my baby, despite everything.

Or was it 7 months? That seems a lot more likely!