To think if you had to, you’d be able to do this?! (Parenting)

[Youurrs]

It was just me and my baby from when he was around 5 weeks old. I had absolutely no choice but to sort a sleep routine and subsequently have organisation and a routine after nursery and bedtimes (almost always on time) because I literally would not have been able to look after my child if I didn’t, as a single parent and then as a working single parent after maternity leave finished.

I have noticed that mums who have no choice seem to make these things work, those who have options seem to struggle. For instance my sister went through several weeks of walking everywhere with her dd as she couldn’t get dd in the car seat. I could not identify with this as I HAD to get my child in the car to go to work. There was no option. Yet she will to this day say it was impossible to get her child in the car.

Have other people noticed this? Maybe it’s just my personal experience from some small examples!

Most don’t though.

I had 3 under 3
When the baby was 2 weeks old my DH went away for a month with work
So from birth I had all mine in a strict routine
You just get on with it ,when you have no other choice

It's a case of deciding what's within your own limits, surely. You're taking 'can't' very literally.

But as several people have pointed out on this thread, when they are babies and young children they won’t have a diagnosis yet. So their parents are facing not just the practical difficulties of parenting but also people judging them and telling them they are shit parents.

Perhaps all general observations on parenting should provide disclaimers that the post is not a direct attack on disabled children or their families. Healthy, non-neurodiverse children exist too.

Perhaps then debate could be allowed without the endless derailment of “but my disabled son…” etc.

The vast majority of children who avoid school are ND. Which is a disability.

Again, the vast majority cannot (not will not) attend school due to ND. This is a disability. And the vast majority of parents would earn more going to work than home schooling a disabled child on DLA.

I might have thought the same as you after DC1 and 2. We were in a perfect routine, they had their moments but I could take them anywhere and do anything without much stress. DC3 is a whole other story, doesn't sleep well, has had meltdowns in the morning making us late, can't sit still in a restaurant, I've moved to online shops because shopping with him is a nightmare.
Don't be so quick to judge other parents. One day you might find yourself not managing so well and I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate people comparing your child to theirs and judging you.

Why would you have a second baby if your first was that bad?

Hmm I spent a couple of terms refusing to go to school as a teen. I remember my dad taking time off work and delivering me to head of years office. Who said that I looked too stressed and she could've have me there like that. In the end I got fomo and went back willingly on my no No disability no ND

Except on here strangely. I know of ONE nd child in real life and a couple of adults. Here it seems like about every other kids has a diagnosis

We did. We had managed to that point so adding another child didn’t seem like that too difficult an ask.

Right, ok. You're one person - an anecdote. 🤔 I'm talking statistics based on studies - facts.

Both of mine were in their own rooms from the very first day. Our bedroom was right next door, both doors open and we had monitors. With my eldest I couldn’t afford to stay at home and you only got 3 months maternity leave then and I had to go to work. We couldn’t afford childcare either so my parents looked after her which was 45 minutes away and then my husband and I worked in different directions so he’d go in the car after we’d dropped her and I’d get the bus to my job, then we’d do the reverse on the way back. We had no option to be in a routine.

Then my husband’s job was moved from Scotland to England. Salary was much higher , we decided to have another baby but had lost our support network and I became a stay at home mum. My daughter was nearly 6 by the time her brother was born and at school so he had to fit into her routine. I don’t drive but luckily it was a school in a large village so she didn’t miss out on clubs etc or play dates but again her brother just had to fit in with the plans and be dragged out in a pram daily.

My motto in life is that my first taught me to be a good parent (perfect baby) my second taught me not to judge others (spikey child). The reality is they are all different. My fist slept through the night early doors, no issue with car seat etc etc. would fall sleep anywhere. My second didn’t sleep and still is a late to bed and early riser. She struggled with car seat/pram basically anything laying down because she was in pain from super reflux, she once screamed/cried for a whole 2 hour journey. Got 100% better once we introduced food. Due to I expect the pain she hated going to anyone else, I remember going away for the weekend when she was about 3 months my mum watched her after the 20th attempt to put her down she had to call my sister who came and took over I think they got her down about 3am and she was up at 6am

Yes, some mean comments on this post.

I’m the same. My eldest is 8 now - I still get into bed with him to read and then sit there while he drifts off. He’s ok now to fall asleep if I leave but quite often I just appreciate the chance I lie down for a while 😆 I don’t find it such a hardship! And we do it with my other two… They’re often quick to sleep though so it’s not like it takes hours. And it’s nice being with them 🥰 they won’t always want it!

Both of mine were in their own rooms from the very first day.

why do people say this like they deserve some kind of award…my ex SIL did the same thing. There’s so many reasons why the recommendation is to have them in with you…it’s absolutely NOTHING to be proud of

We had no option to be in a routine.
again…most people have a routine, that’s the point of routine “they are made by the person who has them…not all routines are the same and nor do they fit everyone else too!!
🙄

Some babies will be awake for 24
hours straight without a nap. Some
wont eat for an entire day if it’s wrong. Dojt underestimate luck in this.

Really sick of these rage bait threads.

Well quite the username.

I was explaining my circumstances. My eldest is 27, things change, guidelines change.

It’s my story. My explanation. Of what we did. Not chapter and verse of what anyone else should do. Am I supposed to shut up and not say what we did? It’s exactly that what we did. People can make up their own minds about what THEY do.

So take your rolling eyes elsewhere.

I agree with you in theory OP, but sometimes it's not a matter of being impossible, rather it has major consequences and isnt worth it. Insisting a child puts on shoes might lead to a 2 hour tantrum and then refusal to eat, so while it's not impossible to put on their shoes per se, it certainly is impossible to do this and have a normal day. I had a child who refused the buggy and car seat. I had to bring him to creche so getting him into the car seat sometimes involved elbowing him in the solar plexus until he gave up and went limp, he then could scratch his face or pull out his hair on the journey. I still shudder when I remember those moments and I would have done anything in my power to not have needed to do this. There was no way on my day off I was going to have the same battle with the buggy. I may indeed have said it was impossible when talking to others. Thankfully this was all just a phase and within a few months all was OK again.

Tbh, it doesn't take that long for kids to fall asleep once they're in bed, like 15-20min. I don't mind staying with them until then and start the housework etc. 20min later 🤷‍♀️

Stop..that wasn’t your intention at all.

and in 1998 the guidelines were still, same room for the first 6months…

Come back and try again when you know me. Oh wait you don’t. So you’ve judged me, decided something about me. You need to stop, take a long hard look at yourself and stop perceiving things that are not there. It’s a story, my story and that’s all.