Husband almost dropped baby whilst drunk

[fireflies9]

I need some advice or maybe a reality check here. My husband has always been that person who can’t have just one or two and if he drinks at the pub he’ll end up drunk. I don’t think he’s an alcoholic and functions perfectly fine during the day and is an amazing father when sober.

We went on a trip to visit friends when my daughter was 2m and he ended up getting drunk at dinner. When we got back to the house he picked up the baby and tried to leave our room with her. I asked him to give her back and he refused. He then proceeded to trip over whilst holding the baby almost dropping her but the wall caught him and I begged him to hand her over. He wouldn’t give her back to me and I started crying at that point, scared. I finally managed to coax her off of him but this has stuck with me.

She’s now 4m and he’s been out for Xmas work do’s recently. He’s stayed in hotels when drunk since the incident but tonight came back home absolutely smashed from what was meant to be 1-2 drinks. I’m terrified he’s going to try and pick up the baby again whilst drunk and don’t trust him around her whenever he has a drink now.

When I speak to him he refuses to admit there’s a problem and says I’m being dramatic and that he can handle himself perfectly fine. He can’t! What do I do?

Leave

Leave. Right now. Go to a hotel or family.

then make arrangements to actually leave, unless he quits drinking.

Tell him to fuck off forever before he kills your precious baby

Can you stay with someone you trust until after the weekend when he sobers up.

This sounds really stressful.

Is he staying in hotels because he knows he'll be drunk? How many times has that happened in the last two months since the incident.

I don't know, maybe I'm unusual, but I would not have wanted my husband staying in a hotel post bender when I have an under 6 month at home - not on the regs anyway!

Can you say you are popping out to the shop and get yourself and baby somewhere safe?

This is no way to live. Your duty to to your daughter and to do what’s best for her all the time, not just 95%.

For me this would be a red flag that can’t be fixed. He won’t even admit it

He's an alcoholic. He may not know it, or be able to admit it, but he is.

@ohthejoysoftoddleryes he’s stayed at a hotel twice since she’s been born because he knows he’ll be drunk for work do’s.

What you do is you protect your baby. At all costs. Every second of every day. If your DH poses a danger to your baby (which he sounds like he is honestly) then you choose your baby.

It only takes once to ruin all of your lives forever. I don’t think you can take this too seriously. It’s really bad.

He’s stayed in hotels when drunk since the incident but tonight came back home absolutely smashed from what was meant to be 1-2 drinks

How many times in eight weeks?!

This is what I was thinking!

She’s been here for 4 months and he’s been drunk enough 4 times already that he has dropped her when falling, had to stay out twice and then came back smashed recently?

I went to my works Xmas do and had 3/4 drinks and came home to my kids in a perfectly fit state to look after them…

Christ almighty
Just leave
Now
Then divorce the bastard as quick as you can

YABU simply for staying with a dangerous alcoholic who is a physical risk to your baby.

@Lmnop22This will be the third time and just to clarify he’s not dropped her but he’s a danger so that’s not the point really. I’ve had a wake up call reading everyone’s comments. I think being told I’m being dramatic all the time made me doubt myself.

functions perfectly fine during the day and is an amazing father when sober.

I'm not saying this to stick the boot in, I'm saying this because I've been where you've been and I absolutely understand where you're coming from. But you need to reframe the situation. "He's a great parent when he's not pissed out of his mind" is not a high enough bar. What it actually means is "sometimes he gets so drunk I can't trust him to be a good parent. But even though he knows he's a shitty parent when he's really drunk, he still goes out and gets that drunk."

At minimum, the bar should be at "I know that sometimes I drink a bit too much so when I thinks that is likely to happen I arrange, with prior notice to my wife, to stay somewhere else that night." More realistically, the bar should be at "I've got a really young baby at home so I'm not going to get so drunk that I can't be relied upon to make sensible decisions about her care. If, once I start drinking, I can't reliably control how much I drink then the obvious decision is to not drink at all."

Well he's certainly getting pissed on the regular isn't he!! When's your time away?
Hopefully he won't pick her up since she's older and should be more settled re night time is for (somewhat) sleeping, so if he's back home at night there's no need for him to be picking her up and carrying her around as she should be in her cot/your bedroom
Just tell him to sleep on the sofa so he doesn't disturb you two and I'd be seriously considering telling your and his family if they're supportive about how much he's been drinking.. think about realistically is he safe when he's smashed or is he a liability.. could you banish him to spare room etc..

Perhaps he can do dry january
Going forward I would be thinking if he doesn't take it seriously you will be making plans to leave!

Leave absolutely leave.

Of course you can’t prove he would have dropped her until he actually drops her and he may convince people you overreacted by acting before that could happen but what’s the alternative?
If you are sure she’s in danger, you are right and the opinion of someone who wasn’t there is irrelevant.

LEAVE.

take it from someone who’s been there.

He is 100% an alcoholic unfortunately. He can't control how much he drinks and is clearly not in control of his actions around your baby.

@Keroppiafter tonight I called my mum and let her know the situation that’s been going on, she gave me a reality check and it made me realize I’m not being dramatic. I’ve locked ourselves in our room for tonight and left him downstairs I haven’t even tried speaking to him as I think it just provokes things. But this isn’t how we can live moving forward so something needs to be done. He doesn’t have bad intentions but he is a liability when drunk so either needs to stop completely for a while or only drink when away from home.

@HowardTJMoonthis is really good advice thank you and reframing it this way makes it obvious. May I ask what your situation was or if/when you decided to leave?