Husband almost dropped baby whilst drunk

[fireflies9]

I need some advice or maybe a reality check here. My husband has always been that person who can’t have just one or two and if he drinks at the pub he’ll end up drunk. I don’t think he’s an alcoholic and functions perfectly fine during the day and is an amazing father when sober.

We went on a trip to visit friends when my daughter was 2m and he ended up getting drunk at dinner. When we got back to the house he picked up the baby and tried to leave our room with her. I asked him to give her back and he refused. He then proceeded to trip over whilst holding the baby almost dropping her but the wall caught him and I begged him to hand her over. He wouldn’t give her back to me and I started crying at that point, scared. I finally managed to coax her off of him but this has stuck with me.

She’s now 4m and he’s been out for Xmas work do’s recently. He’s stayed in hotels when drunk since the incident but tonight came back home absolutely smashed from what was meant to be 1-2 drinks. I’m terrified he’s going to try and pick up the baby again whilst drunk and don’t trust him around her whenever he has a drink now.

When I speak to him he refuses to admit there’s a problem and says I’m being dramatic and that he can handle himself perfectly fine. He can’t! What do I do?

I mean is this level of drinking always been a thing? I’m guessing it’s not just started since the baby came?
so why marry someone like that and why have a baby with someone like that too???

think about yourself and your baby and get rid of this awful man NOW leave tonight to a hotel and sort this out in the morning it’s a dangerous situation.

This is 2025 - there is women’s aid, the police and people do have options
dont waste time posting on here pack your bags and get ready to go!

Alcoholism doesn't necessarily mean drinking every day. It means continuing to drink despite the fact that alcohol is causing you problems, and your husband does fit the criteria. Calling you "dramatic" for pointing out the problem is classic addict behaviour I'm afraid.

You could find somewhere else to stay and make it clear that you're not living together again until he has stopped drinking and is attending AA or another kind of treatment. But do think about how long you are willing to wait for him to stop drinking, because it could take months or years, and do you really want to put yours and your child's life on hold for that long?

You might find it helpful looking at Al-Anon, which is a support service for the family and friends of alcoholics. They have a helpline, groups, online resources etc.

As others have said, drinking 3-5 times a week is definitely not normal. Many alcoholics don't have to be completely off their faces and falling over. The fact they drink so regularly raises their alcohol threshold so they may appear only slightly tipsy whereas the average person would be paralytic.

I used to be friends with an alcoholic. Their marriage is a train wreck and their kids are mentally scarred from witnessing their parent drinking excessively. It is not fun for a child growing up with an alcoholic parent.

You need to give your DH an ultimatum. He either gives up the booze or you'll leave. Your child deserves so much better.

‘Can’t stop drinking once he starts’

The answer then is not to drink at all because that is problem drinking.

If he can’t commit to this he needs help (if willing to look for it and work on it). In the meantime you should not enable him.

He is an alcoholic. He is not a good father or husband. A good father and husband would not get blind drunk and almost harm their child. A good husband would not get blind drunk and make his wife so scared she locks herself in her room. A good husband and father would not piss away that much money a month on alcohol. He is not a good husband or father.

The compromise is not that he only drink when away from home or stop for awhile. There are no compromises here. He is a risk to you and your child. The only way to salvage your marriage is for him to stop drinking period. You are burying your head in sand not seeing he is an alcoholic and a danger your child. Do what is right for your baby and protect her from him and this abuse. You need to leave to keep her safe.

If the worst was to happen, the police would investigate. They would see this post and know that you left your baby in harms way. Not only would baby be injured or worse but you’d be dragged down with him.

Leave. You both deserve better.

He doesn't sound like a good father or a good husband. Sorry.

He would have dropped her had the wall not caught his fall. And he couldn’t or wouldn’t see it and give her back.

I really feel for you and you’re doing 100% the right thing to question him on this but you need to protect your baby from this man!

This is a horrible situation. But alcoholics and yes, I think your husband is an alcoholic, don't stop drinking because their family remonstrate with them. If that were true there would be very few alcoholics. Quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if you father in law was also an alcoholic and there is a genetic component.

Genetics is not everything of course. My father was so scarred by his father's drinking that he was nearly tee total and never drank whiskey like his father and my father's influence meant that drunks frighten me. One of my sons never drinks ever and the other might from time to time, have wine with dinner.

Refardless of all that, the baby's safety is paramount and you must get out or convince him to leave when he is sober. Babies are fragile and he might be very sorry if he fractures her skull or kills her but that won't undo the danage. I am not a mumsnet pearl clutcher who thinks alcohol is only acceptable at Christmas and birtdays but this is not a normal drinking pattern.

How much is he drinking to spend £1000 a month !!

I have been in the exact same position, although he did drop the baby at only a few months old. Luckily I was close enough to catch dc so there were no injuries caused. As much as I would have liked to have caused injuries to him at the time! We are still together primarily because I love him, but also because I wouldn't trust him not to drink around the children if we were to separate and he was spending time with them. When he's not drinking he's an amazing parent, it's just that the drinking days outweigh the non drinking ones at the moment and I seem to be the only person around him that sees it as a problem.

‘He functions well in the daytime’ = functioning alcoholic.

this is so much more than he almost dropped the baby. He scared you and refused to hand your baby over to you as well.

i had an alcoholic father and he terrified me at times.
You and your little one can do so much better without this , you are going to be on eggshells every time you drink and then your child will very soon learn to be on eggshells every time daddy drinks, it’s no way to live.
find an al anon group for families and loved ones of alcoholics , get some support for yourself and start planning your future x

*eggshells every time he drinks!

That part of your message that says 'I don’t think he’s an alcoholic' is the one that resonates. There are many types of alcoholics and your DH falls into the category of a person who shouldn't drink ever, no matter how much of an 'amazing' dad he is when dry.

This is a denial in alcoholism thing, and it's well documented. Just do a basic search.

There are tons of places to go to for help with this and in my experience staffed by good people who will help.

If he faces reality, this can be salvaged.

Someone who can’t regulate their alcohol intake and regularly drinks until they have no control of their body is an alcoholic.

You can’t live with an alcoholic because they will always choose drink over you, your kids, their job, their health.

You can’t change or shame an alcoholic to stop drinking.

The only way an alcoholic will change is when they hit rock bottom , understand that they are killing themselves, and work hard to change. Not many have the strength to do this, and even more never get to the point where they are willing to even try.

Sorry haven't read the full thread but if my husband was drunk and holding the baby and I told him he should give her to me he would. He would not have the pride/lack of self-insight to say no - why risk it? This is what troubles me here - not that anyone should not be drunk ever, but if you are, have the humility and respect in your partner to abdicate your ego. If my partner couldn't see that obviously I couldn't trust their judgement

He is going to end up killing her. He is either stops drinking NOW, or he leaves.

I agree, or else pack his bags and get him to leave.

He obviously does have a drink problem and needs to face up to it.

Sorry if he's getting that twisted he has a serious problem with alcohol and you need to leave for babies safety.

He's admitted to spending about £1 k PER MONTH at the pubs where more times than not he gets completely blind drunk..
You also said that he drinks at home about 3 to 5 times a week (assuming those numbers are not included in the 1K?)
And three times in the last 8 weeks since your daughter's been born he's had to buy a hotel room to stay at because he was going to be so incredibly smashed drunk, he knew ahead of time and planned it...
And you don't think he has a problem with alcohol really?
But he's the love of your life and you're not willing to give up on this marriage?
Look, you married an alcoholic. Maybe he was able to hide it from you before you got married, you haven't been married all that long until you got pregnant and then, you were stuck and now you've got a tiny little baby and an alcoholic husband who is not safe around your fragile daughter

You're not being dramatic. If he tells you that, he's gaslighting you.
You know what that means right?
No. Listen to everybody here, listen to your mother, you've got to make plans to get out. He's not going to get himself sorted.
He doesn't think he has a problem.
He thinks YOU have a problem. You're too dramatic!
(You're not.)

When you have a new baby then you shouldn't even go on work does and benders as you are supposed to be providing support for your spouse. This is about his priorities also.

This really resonates, OP, my husband started to become unpleasant after drinking after a couple of years-he also took a baby from my arms and refused to hand him back when he was pissed.It didn't stop there, more one-off incidents that were actually becoming a pattern, then domestic violence when I was pregnant.
We left, finally, but despite the carnage his alcohol fuelled aggression caused, he still chooses to drink.
I'm not saying our situations are similar, but I wish I had left as soon as it started.
My lovely son (the former baby) very matter of factly suggested last night that I should make sure any of his siblings going round to pop in to see their dad should always phone first-to avoid the horror of calling in on spec, and finding him dead on the floor.
Please phone the police if he starts.
Telling people seems unimaginable, but there is so much support once you do.You must make sure you are seen to be protecting your baby-if your husband doesn't make the decision to give up alcohol, permanently, then he is choosing it over you and his child, and putting you both at risk of harm.

Absolutely this.

Don't do this, it will put you in even more danger.