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Original poster

Husband almost dropped baby whilst drunk

165 replies

fireflies9 · 12/12/2025 20:49

I need some advice or maybe a reality check here. My husband has always been that person who can’t have just one or two and if he drinks at the pub he’ll end up drunk. I don’t think he’s an alcoholic and functions perfectly fine during the day and is an amazing father when sober.

We went on a trip to visit friends when my daughter was 2m and he ended up getting drunk at dinner. When we got back to the house he picked up the baby and tried to leave our room with her. I asked him to give her back and he refused. He then proceeded to trip over whilst holding the baby almost dropping her but the wall caught him and I begged him to hand her over. He wouldn’t give her back to me and I started crying at that point, scared. I finally managed to coax her off of him but this has stuck with me.

She’s now 4m and he’s been out for Xmas work do’s recently. He’s stayed in hotels when drunk since the incident but tonight came back home absolutely smashed from what was meant to be 1-2 drinks. I’m terrified he’s going to try and pick up the baby again whilst drunk and don’t trust him around her whenever he has a drink now.

When I speak to him he refuses to admit there’s a problem and says I’m being dramatic and that he can handle himself perfectly fine. He can’t! What do I do?

OP posts:
ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 02:39

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/12/2025 21:43

There is a big difference between an alcoholic and a binge drinker.

The former is reliant on alcohol to function, the latter cant function with alcohol inside them, he sounds like the latter. Some people are both, but he doesnt sound like that as the OP doesnt indicate that he drinks at other times.

Show quote history

Incorrect.

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 02:40

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/12/2025 21:49

So she should stay and put up with this?

He wouldnt be in sole charge of the baby anyway in the first two years if the OP is BF, and even then its unlikely. He would visit the baby in the former home rather than baby being removed from OP for contact time.

When the child is older and he has sole care EOW (say) then he wont be able to go out and get drunk (which is when the OP says this happens) when the child is there.

Show quote history

Also incorrect.

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 02:44

Whats4dirndl · 12/12/2025 22:34

OP, this sounds almost identical to DH 21 years ago w/ DDs.

I wanted to leave, tho I loved him and he was lovely 99% of the time, like yours.

But then I talked to a lawyer (I'm in the US, so laws may differ) and lawyer started talking custody, I was made to realize that my DH would most likely have shared or at least partial custody which would mean I wouldn't be there to protect DDs. He hadn't done anything I could show with proof that would mean he couldn't have custody. I had to literally wait for something really bad to happen to the children. An oops almost dropping the baby wouldn't count.

We're still married, he's still a high-functioning alcoholic, and I somehow kept my DDs alive (there were times we spent at my DPs, times I locked the room as I always co-slept with DDs and he slept in other room), but it's been a massive strain on me. He knows deep down he was a danger when drunk, but he's usually in denial of it.

I have plans to warn my DDs and their DHs when they have children to never leave them alone w/ DH when he's drinking.

Looking back, it's so sad. I tried for years to get him to try to quit, but alcoholics are selfish bastards in deep denial. When sober, he's the best human. It took me years of Al-Anon meetings to realize I couldn't make him stop. It also made me at peace knowing that staying meant I had control over my DDs safety even though it ruined my life in many ways: social, career, financial and freedom.

Why are you still with him if your child is a grown adult?

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 02:52

Zenbra · 13/12/2025 00:00

I have been in the exact same position, although he did drop the baby at only a few months old. Luckily I was close enough to catch dc so there were no injuries caused. As much as I would have liked to have caused injuries to him at the time! We are still together primarily because I love him, but also because I wouldn't trust him not to drink around the children if we were to separate and he was spending time with them. When he's not drinking he's an amazing parent, it's just that the drinking days outweigh the non drinking ones at the moment and I seem to be the only person around him that sees it as a problem.

Poor kids.
They should be prioritised above any feeling you have for your "D" P.

Rainallnight · 13/12/2025 02:57

OP, this isn’t just about when your baby is tiny.

It’s when she’s 5, wakes up in the night to see him like this and is terrified.

When she’s 9, has a friend around for a sleepover and is mortified by her dad’s behaviour. She never has anyone round again.

When she’s a teenager, trying to study for exams but enraged and disturbed by her pissed up father.

This is not a life you want for her.

Farticus101 · 13/12/2025 03:36

There might be some disagreement here, but I would tell your health visitor your concerns. They usually record them and would come over for a chat about safety (which should be to your husband). It might make him understand the seriousness of the situation.

If they call social services (or you do), then so be it. You will have flagged the issue to protect your child and raised concerns about your partner which might be the wake up call he needs. If it isn't and you split, raising a concern early on will be in your favour when discussing custody as it shows your child's safety is your priority (not his).

Bromptotoo · 13/12/2025 03:56

There are those who have dropped their baby, or had it wriggle off a changing table, and those yet to do so.

Morningsleepin · 13/12/2025 04:02

HowardTJMoon · 12/12/2025 21:03

functions perfectly fine during the day and is an amazing father when sober.

I'm not saying this to stick the boot in, I'm saying this because I've been where you've been and I absolutely understand where you're coming from. But you need to reframe the situation. "He's a great parent when he's not pissed out of his mind" is not a high enough bar. What it actually means is "sometimes he gets so drunk I can't trust him to be a good parent. But even though he knows he's a shitty parent when he's really drunk, he still goes out and gets that drunk."

At minimum, the bar should be at "I know that sometimes I drink a bit too much so when I thinks that is likely to happen I arrange, with prior notice to my wife, to stay somewhere else that night." More realistically, the bar should be at "I've got a really young baby at home so I'm not going to get so drunk that I can't be relied upon to make sensible decisions about her care. If, once I start drinking, I can't reliably control how much I drink then the obvious decision is to not drink at all."

Well said

NET145 · 13/12/2025 04:03

Ensure he never ever drinks around your child!!! Hotels every time

Lincolnlemons · 13/12/2025 05:02

BartholemewTheCat · 12/12/2025 21:22

And what if he’s never on the mend? What if he doesn’t improve, or have any intention of it?

OP said she would leave him if this were the case

Misanthropologie · 13/12/2025 05:49

BeWiseTurtle · 12/12/2025 21:50

I would think carefully about leaving at this point, without any evidence of his behaviour. He would likely get anything up to 50/50 custody, you might decide the risks are less staying together for the time being

Oh come on, what are the chances of him wanting 50/50 or indeed any contact that might cut into his drinking time?

PinkyFlamingo · 13/12/2025 05:55

He won't change. Put your baby first over "the love of your life".

Liveafr · 13/12/2025 05:57

This is very concerning. As someone said, it's not about when your child is an infant, her will be a danger to her for many years. Beyond the immediate physical risk, there is the emotional trauma. My DH grew up with an alcoholic dad, which ruined his childhood.

Also few things to consider:

  • When he's that drunk, he's not able to help you out if something happened to you or your child. So if let's say, you sprained your ankle while you're in charge of your kid and he's drunk, he can't assist you and you'd have to fend for yourself
  • The amount of money he's spending on drink (and hotels when he's drunk) that could be spent on her future or family holidays
  • He regularly leaves you totally on charge of her, not allowing you equal time for yourself
  • He's putting his health in danger. He'll either have a serious accident or develop chronic diseases (like DH father who died of a mouth cancer while DH was a teenager), and you will be left to pick up the pieces
All those things mean he's not a good father and a good husband, even leaving aside the danger of him picking up your baby while drunk.
Zippedydodah · 13/12/2025 06:13

Moggies3 · 12/12/2025 20:57

Christ almighty
Just leave
Now
Then divorce the bastard as quick as you can

Dear god….you’re letting a man who’s so drunk he can’t stand up hold a four month old baby? I honestly can’t understand why you let him anywhere near her.
How long is it going to be before that poor baby is seriously injured or worse?

Zippedydodah · 13/12/2025 06:23

As for spending £1000+ a month on drink……

APatternGrammar · 13/12/2025 07:15

Bromptotoo · 13/12/2025 03:56

There are those who have dropped their baby, or had it wriggle off a changing table, and those yet to do so.

There are enough accidental dangers without putting alcohol in the mix. An adult could drop a baby from a greater height than a changing table, and only a baby above a certain age can move enough to fall off.
My children never fell or were dropped as babies, but I’m sure they would have had a good chance of being fine. This doesn’t make what is happening to OP ok.

Whats4dirndl · 13/12/2025 08:11

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 02:44

Why are you still with him if your child is a grown adult?

Show quote history

Youngest is still a minor.

Throwntothewolves · 13/12/2025 08:16

Your husband is an alcoholic. Don't compare him to the stereotypical alcoholic and convince yourself he isn't.
He is a danger to your child when drunk and he doesn't even realise.
I bet he's been drinking like this for a long time. He won't change now. He poses a risk to your child. You should both be her protectors. He is unable to protect her from himself when drunk so you have to. Him staying in hotels is just a sticking plaster over a much bigger issue.
You should make plans to be without him.

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 08:25

Whats4dirndl · 13/12/2025 08:11

Youngest is still a minor.

Show quote history

Oh I thought it was the one dd. How old are they?

andgoodnessknows · 13/12/2025 08:35

I don’t understand why people are saying leave? If they divorce, he will get shared custody, ie unsupervised time with his child, and the OP will be relentlessly gaslight with phrases like ‘it’s not illegal to have a few drinks when parenting’ but she’ll have no sight of what’s happening when she’s in his care.

Could anyone who left a situation like this explain how they dealt with the custody issue? Would be v useful to understand.

im so sorry OP - you are definitely not being dramatic or unreasonable. He’s an alcoholic.

ADHDwifeHP · 13/12/2025 08:37

From experience I’d be careful about expecting support from family members if they are heavy drinkers.

In my experience heavy drinkers will minimise the impact of heavy drinking in others to defend their own habits…

or they will think his drinking is normal because they have similar drinking habits to him.

And just to be clear I agree with PPs he has a seriously problem with alcohol

Whats4dirndl · 13/12/2025 08:39

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 08:25

Oh I thought it was the one dd. How old are they?

Show quote history

teen and adult.

I also stay now to control the money. I have longer-term plans once the youngest is launched.

Shoemadlady · 13/12/2025 08:47

It’s clear to anyone that sadly your husband is an alcoholic. Just because he doesn’t drink during the day doesn’t mean he isn’t. He clearly had a very unhealthy relationship with booze, so much so that he’s denying it (probably feels shame when sober) and he’s putting your baby at risk. Please speak to your family / his family asap for support whether he likes it or not. I won’t lie, this is going to be a long road to recovery so strap yourself in 😢

Shadesofscarlett · 13/12/2025 09:14

I was you and i stayed for more than a decade. I wish I had left when my child was an infant. Please do not waste another moment on his excuse of a man.

Cantatara · 13/12/2025 09:21

OP I went through something similar, my SO was a functioning but escalating alcoholic from my pregnancy to when our child was a year old. It took me threatening to leave and involving the police for him to stop drinking. You’re not being dramatic, you’re incredibly vulnerable right now and being gaslit.

Tell your friends and family, make your plans to leave. He needs to either address his drinking and get therapy or you separate. He won’t get custody whilst your DD is so long and hopefully he’ll choose his family over alcohol, like my SO had to do.

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