Husband almost dropped baby whilst drunk

[fireflies9]

I need some advice or maybe a reality check here. My husband has always been that person who can’t have just one or two and if he drinks at the pub he’ll end up drunk. I don’t think he’s an alcoholic and functions perfectly fine during the day and is an amazing father when sober.

We went on a trip to visit friends when my daughter was 2m and he ended up getting drunk at dinner. When we got back to the house he picked up the baby and tried to leave our room with her. I asked him to give her back and he refused. He then proceeded to trip over whilst holding the baby almost dropping her but the wall caught him and I begged him to hand her over. He wouldn’t give her back to me and I started crying at that point, scared. I finally managed to coax her off of him but this has stuck with me.

She’s now 4m and he’s been out for Xmas work do’s recently. He’s stayed in hotels when drunk since the incident but tonight came back home absolutely smashed from what was meant to be 1-2 drinks. I’m terrified he’s going to try and pick up the baby again whilst drunk and don’t trust him around her whenever he has a drink now.

When I speak to him he refuses to admit there’s a problem and says I’m being dramatic and that he can handle himself perfectly fine. He can’t! What do I do?

Good grief, he’s not a good dad. He’s a lousy one. What the f were you thinking having a baby with him? Sorry OP, but you need to consider what’s best for you and the baby now.

Can’t believe he wouldn’t hand the baby back to you after he fell!

Please know that there are other ways of living and this does sound like you are surrounded by a lot of alcohol dependency.

having a newborn in the house needs everyone focused on care of that tiny baby and you need to work as a team

He is very much an alcoholic

He's got a massive drink problem and should not be around your baby.

Any decent father would have been mortified after the first incident. This sorry excuse for a dad has repeated his behaviour. He is putting his need for alcohol before his own child's safety.
Your baby deserves better than this.

Holy shit OP!!

£1k a month!

He's and alky!

The more you are posting and revealing, the scarier it gets.

He's nearly dropped the baby who you had to coax from him. He drinks 3-5 times a week, he spends one thousand pound a MONTH on booze and you are unsure whether that was normal or not.

I also think you need to leave him. This is no life for your child and will not be a happy home for them to grow up in.

There’s a common misconception that having an alcohol problem/being an alcoholic means someone is pissed all the time.

This isn’t the case.

Not being able to control how much you drink on a regular basis or in specific situations that have (or have the potential to have) very negative repercussions to yourself or others still means someone has a serious problem with alcohol.

What you are describing OP is often referred to as a functioning alcoholic. Someone who can manage their intake just enough to paper over the cracks and pretend there isn’t a issue because they hold down a job, relationship etc and most of the time their drinking doesn’t come with negative consequences.

But these are often some of the most dangerous presentations because when issues arise they sometimes can’t be predicted and are often very serious precisely because the people around them mentally “see” and respond the person in their best light and not their worst and don’t put in the safeguards or have the appropriate reactions they would if they reflected that these two presentations are actually still the same person.

As a pp aptly described above you need to reframe this. He is not a good dad most of the time. He is a man who consistently fails to make good parenting choices and puts his child at risk.

Anyone with any decency after the episode with the baby should have been sufficiently mortified to get support around their alcohol consumption and not put their family in that position again.

Yet his solution is booking hotels or as like tonight expecting his partner to safeguard his child against him.

He needs a massive wake up call and that starts with you stopping covering up for him - so well done telling your mum - and setting some very firm boundaries tomorrow when he sobers up.

He quits drinking and gets support or you leave.

Call the police next time. That should give him a reality check pretty quickly.

You're an absolute mug for staying with him. The guilt will really get you if he does something tragic while intoxicated.
I sincerely hope you are not financially dependent on this drunk.

My exh was a dangerous alcoholic, he did similar and worse., it took him loosing our little boy at an Xmas narket, and smashing the kitchen up drunk, for me to leave,,
Don't wait. Call womens aid.
Get away. He has already found his first love, its the bottle.

His behaviour is really not acceptable and I would leave. Phone your mum, get her to come pick you and the baby up.

My DH used to have a drink every Friday/Saturday before we had a baby. He's 8 months old now, and my DH has had one night of drinking (away with a friend).
I said to him from the start that baby and me are relying on him incase something happens. I need him sober to be able to look after us both. Maybe when our baby is older it might change, but my DH is the type who cannot have 1 drink, it has to be 6 beers etc, and no way am I letting him anywhere near me or the baby if he's like that.

"Alcoholic" is a dated term but anyone who cannot regulate their drinking to the point it causes problems in their day to day life, whether they drink daily, weekly or once in a blue moon is an alcoholic

Your DH has a drink problem

OP, this sounds almost identical to DH 21 years ago w/ DDs.

I wanted to leave, tho I loved him and he was lovely 99% of the time, like yours.

But then I talked to a lawyer (I'm in the US, so laws may differ) and lawyer started talking custody, I was made to realize that my DH would most likely have shared or at least partial custody which would mean I wouldn't be there to protect DDs. He hadn't done anything I could show with proof that would mean he couldn't have custody. I had to literally wait for something really bad to happen to the children. An oops almost dropping the baby wouldn't count.

We're still married, he's still a high-functioning alcoholic, and I somehow kept my DDs alive (there were times we spent at my DPs, times I locked the room as I always co-slept with DDs and he slept in other room), but it's been a massive strain on me. He knows deep down he was a danger when drunk, but he's usually in denial of it.

I have plans to warn my DDs and their DHs when they have children to never leave them alone w/ DH when he's drinking.

Looking back, it's so sad. I tried for years to get him to try to quit, but alcoholics are selfish bastards in deep denial. When sober, he's the best human. It took me years of Al-Anon meetings to realize I couldn't make him stop. It also made me at peace knowing that staying meant I had control over my DDs safety even though it ruined my life in many ways: social, career, financial and freedom.

A father who endangers his baby and can't or won't get a hold of his drinking is a bad one.

He's a bloody liability and it's your responsibility to keep your daughter safe. And injury to her head could kill her or disable her for life. Simply splitting up with him is not going to be the same option as it might be for other people because she shouldn't be in his care if he has a drinking problem. You need legal advice.

Your first job as a parent is to keep your child safe.
if your husband can’t/wont acknowledge he could cause your child major harm when he is drinking then he should stay away when he’s in drink for you and your child’s sake.Keep a diary of when he’s drunk,when you try to reason with him as when he harms your child you can show this to social services safeguarding tem,because. When you take your child to a and e they will call the safeguarding team.
your child’s may go to foster children as he caused harm and you failed to protect.

OP if he tries to get into your room tonight you must ring the police. Spending 1k a month on booze means he has a serious problem and his behaviour will only escalate.

Does this bring things home to you OP?

If you told a social worker, they would put your baby on an at-risk register. They may even take her off you, if you did not agree to separate from your husband until he stops drinking.

Some PPs mentioned about the risk of shared custody if you separate. With that in mind, maybe you should speak to your GP and also social services about this, so it's on record that he is a risk.

Record him and his behaviour when he’s drunk too.show him when he’s sober.And keep it.

He’s a prick and your daughter and you deserve better than living with a drunk

He is an alcoholic and to spend that amount of money on alcohol has a far bigger alcohol problem than you realise. Please get out now. Your baby is not safe. I grew up with alcoholic father and although physically he never harmed me i never felt safe because he did dangerous things when he was drunk. I am in my 40s now and still remember that feeling well. Please leave him

My first thought - put her crib in a cage and lock it!

He is an alcoholic. A work colleague of mine would drink similar amounts and really you would never think she was drunk as her tolerance got higher and higher until her body gave out. She was arrested for drink driving, lost her job and her home and family and eventually died.

I would think if his dad is a big drinker he is similar and maybe that is why your MIL is TT. Spending that amount on booze a month is indecent. How are your finances set up? I would be leaving with my baby if I were you. He is a liability and unless wealthy probably has debt all over the place funding his habit.

I’m trying to imagine you being told by a doctor or social worker that you must stop drinking for good, if you want to be a safe parent. You’d do it without a second thought, I should think. I would too, though I’d have sad moments because I do enjoy a drink. But obviously I would stop.

You may think ‘it’s different’ because he drinks so often and you don’t, but it’s not different. He could decide tomorrow to continue his social life in exactly the same way and drink zero alcohol beer or soft drinks. Admittedly if he kept up the number of drinks he’d still be spending nearly half the average take home wage in the pub, which is also a problem, but he could stop taking alcohol tomorrow, if he loved his daughter more than alcohol. But he doesn’t. He loves alcohol more, to the point that his solution to the problem was to continue to get drunk and to sleep elsewhere.

I wonder why you and your MIL barely ever drink. What have you both seen growing up?

OMG op, this really freaked me out reading this. You need to protect your child and get her away from him. Please don’t wait, you are not over reacting here, he could cause a really tragic accident.

This is shocking

I voted yabu because I believe yabu to even be questioning this