Husband almost dropped baby whilst drunk

[fireflies9]

I need some advice or maybe a reality check here. My husband has always been that person who can’t have just one or two and if he drinks at the pub he’ll end up drunk. I don’t think he’s an alcoholic and functions perfectly fine during the day and is an amazing father when sober.

We went on a trip to visit friends when my daughter was 2m and he ended up getting drunk at dinner. When we got back to the house he picked up the baby and tried to leave our room with her. I asked him to give her back and he refused. He then proceeded to trip over whilst holding the baby almost dropping her but the wall caught him and I begged him to hand her over. He wouldn’t give her back to me and I started crying at that point, scared. I finally managed to coax her off of him but this has stuck with me.

She’s now 4m and he’s been out for Xmas work do’s recently. He’s stayed in hotels when drunk since the incident but tonight came back home absolutely smashed from what was meant to be 1-2 drinks. I’m terrified he’s going to try and pick up the baby again whilst drunk and don’t trust him around her whenever he has a drink now.

When I speak to him he refuses to admit there’s a problem and says I’m being dramatic and that he can handle himself perfectly fine. He can’t! What do I do?

So he has been utterly smashed 4 times at least in 2 months, when you have just a 4 month old baby? This isn't good. Not only that he is getting blind drunk so much, but because he's leaving you to cope with a newborn on your own.

So she should stay and put up with this?

He wouldnt be in sole charge of the baby anyway in the first two years if the OP is BF, and even then its unlikely. He would visit the baby in the former home rather than baby being removed from OP for contact time.

When the child is older and he has sole care EOW (say) then he wont be able to go out and get drunk (which is when the OP says this happens) when the child is there.

I would think carefully about leaving at this point, without any evidence of his behaviour. He would likely get anything up to 50/50 custody, you might decide the risks are less staying together for the time being

Not sure what you can do you knew he was an alcoholic when you had a child with him so now the child will have an alcoholic as a father, he will need to want to help himself he doesn't care about your child, yes you shoulf leave but then an alcoholic will have access to a child

But before social services gets involved sort out a plan to keep your child safe, someone has too

What happened with your ex after you left? Did he quit? Does he see the kids?

He is an alcoholic.

He can get sober - I have a couple of friends who have done it and they have now been sober for 15 years apiece - but it is a journey and you must keep yourself and your baby safe in the meantime

Totally untrue. There would be no evidence for a court to stop him having unsupervised access, and this would likely be built up from 6m even if the op is bf

@PyongyangKipperbang He drinks 3-5 times a week. If he starts at home he’ll only have a few and is barely even tipsy, you can’t really tell and most importantly he’s reasonable and responsible. But if he starts drinking at the pub he ends up drunk maybe 6/10 times and will end up blind drunk.

Drunk 3-4 times in 4 months is insanity. Normal for a 20/21 year old, but not a parent.

Your husband has a major alcohol problem, but you know that. He is a married man and father, it is well past time for him to grow up and act his age. You are endangering your defenceless little baby by staying in the same house as this alcoholic.

please say he doesnt drive when he is drinking?

3 - 5 times a week? Seriously? That's very, very worrying (and I speak as someone who married a rugby player who held the record at his club for downing the fastest yard of ale, ever).

DH'S grandmother lost her first baby girl (9 months) when she fell down the stairs whilst carrying her, and yes she had been drinking.

Then it may be a bigger problem. I got the impression from your OP that he only drinks when he is out, but that he drinks most nights suggests that there is more to this.

Sounds like this may not be salvagable if his response is you are over reacting, because that means that "quit or we leave" will lead to him hiding it instead. He clearly doesnt want to stop drinking or face any consequences for doing so.

I would stay with your mum for a while and contact Al Anon for some support and advice about how you move forward. I really do understand that you are not ready to throw in the towel yet, but that doesnt mean it needs to be consequence free for him. The simple fact that you have left for a while will show that this is far more serious than he is willing to admit and may be enough to slap some sense into him. That you are seeking outside support, will drive the fact home.

You said in your original post that he's not the sort to have one or two, but now you're saying he drinks 3-5 times a week?

Am sorry, no escaping it, is has a big problem with booze. Really am sorry for you all.

I am so sorry - sadly your man is not father material and you have some real challenges ahead to extricate yourself from this situation - but this is what you MUST do.

OP that is a lot of drinking imo. Has he been drinking that much since your daughter was born? How many drinks is a few?

do you stay completely sober to care for her?

How much is he spending on all this drink? It must be a pretty hefty proportion of the household income. He really needs to talk to a doctor about whether there is counselling or treatment he can get for his total lack of impulse control around alcohol.

that's an awful lot of work dos, are they monthly ?

@AreYouBrandNewFor context I very rarely drink apart from one glass on occasions like Christmas/birthday so I’m pretty much T-Total. Reading this post I’m realizing I don’t know or haven’t seen what a normal amount of drinking is. My family are all big drinkers and my FIL is a big drinker too and then my MIL is T-total like me. All the drinkers in my close family drink multiple times a week.

@fireflies9 The next time he comes home "blind drunk" OP could you video him on your phone? It would be very hard for him to deny he has a problem if you have evidence of his drunken behaviour. And if he continues to gas-light you, you could share the evidence with your and his families.

Your baby has 2 parents one is drunk and putting her in serious danger (she literally could have died if he landed on her) therefore the other parent needs to safeguard their child you are failing your baby and putting her in danger if you have her around this man once he’s been drinking.
it’s your job to protect her at all costs.
she’s 4 months old if you had a social worker involved in this situation they would remove her from your care as your putting or letting her be in danger. Sorry to be blunt but unfortunately you don’t sound like you have your priorities straight. This man should be taking care of his wife and newborn right now she’s tiny not out drinking like this what a joke.

@GoodQueenWenceslausthis has also come up in convo as he only admitted recently to other family members he spends around £1k/month at the pub or on booze. His family didn’t really say anything but I was openly shocked.

Good grief. He is literally pissing away (when he isn't throwing up) £12K+ per year out of taxed income. Just think how that would help your child in future if he was putting it away in a savings account for her.

He's a chronic binge-alcoholic and if you told this story to a social worker, I'd imagine your baby would be put on a high-risk register. For Christ's sake leave or tell him to leave.

@fireflies9 As a household can you afford for him to spend £1k pm on booze? (Never mind what other useful, meaningful things it could be spent on!)