Ex says he’s sick of doing shit for me

[PoptyPin]

Tonight it was driving me and our disabled son to a little caravan park so our son could have a festive holiday. Asked ex months ago if he wouldn’t mind driving us as I don’t drive, it’s one hour and 15/20 minutes drive.

Ex turned up this evening and I had booked a food delivery to take with us, delivery was delayed by 20 minutes so I apologised and said does he want to come in with our oldest to wait. He was annoyed saying I should have planned it better and it wasn’t fair, he’s not waiting and no way is he waiting in my house. He said he was sick of doing shit for me, I argued that it wasn’t for me, it was for our son who deserves the same opportunities as his sibling, it’s not like he’s driving me to a spa weekend etc. he called me an arsehole and stormed off.

i cancelled the delivery as they kept pushing it back, i sat in the car and told him i had cancelled it, oldest said i was a bitch and how ungrateful I was to Dad. I shouted at him to not call me that and to show me some respect.

Ex put on happy Christmas music and chatted to DS and I cried all the way there as I was so looking forward to a happy, festive weekend with youngest. (It was dark, the kids wouldn’t have seen but I just felt fucking broken in that moment by everything)

Ex struggled to find the accommodation and again said how he was sick of doing this shit for ME. DS joined in with how mammy is ungrateful and I tried to say how it’s not for me, it’s for his sibling who deserves a little holiday, he has profound needs and it’s not easy on my own with him.

Ex dropped off all the stuff for us but fucking hell. It’s the last time I ask him to help us. AIBU? Was I ungrateful? Who was unreasonable?

Whats telling is that he views it as doing something for you because that means his son is all on you. Nothing to do with him at all. So take him at his word.

When you get back a good sit down talk with eldest is needed. Sounds like ex is turning him into a mini him. How old is eldest?

He’s 14.

What a horrible man, op. Just read your post to my husband and he couldn't believe any man could be so rotten when it came to his disabled child. Well done to you for taking your son on a trip away; I can't imagine it's easy but it will be great for him. You're a very good mum x

Well, clearly you're just a much better person than me if that situation wouldn't even slightly piss you off - have a medal

Your ex is clearly an arsehole - I think the problem is that you're expecting him not to be, and then getting upset when he acts the way he does.

Stop depending on him. Stop asking him for favours. Arrange a taxi or ask a friend when you need a lift. Stop putting yourself in situations where he can kick you make you feel bad.

I have no idea if I’m a better person than you, I don’t know you. You’re a stranger on the internet.
I do know that tantrumming about waiting for a food shop when you’re doing something to provide enjoyment to your disabled child just because you don’t like your ex is shit parenting. So yeah, I guess if you’d do the same then I think I’m a better person than you 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree with this. I hope the medal is solid gold.

OP was hardly asking for a "favour" was she? Like "can you take me to a hen night" or something.

She was asking if he would take his son and his son's carer (her) to a holiday. He has never taken his own son away, so he should appreciate that she cares enough about their child to plan a holiday.

He should have said "No" months ago if he didnt want to, rather than be a dickhead.

How old is your oldest @PoptyPin ? I would be giving him some very severe punishments for calling me a bitch. It doesn't matter if he is just doing it to suck up to his father, that needs to be stamped on asap.

I do agree re the food shop, waiting for that sounds really annoying. But that is the only slight allowance he should have.

Fingers crossed eh.

If he is that bad of a person then realise he is an ex for a reason, female exes are told on here never do anything for a man and the same works in reverse

It can be dressed up as doing it for the kids, still wouldnt be tolerated if a women was doing it for the man, no it is not normal

This.
Perhaps next time you need to take your younger child somewhere exh would like to pay for/share the cost of a taxi rather than driving you himself.

I'm not surprised he is your ex but fgs don't give him the satisfaction of bursting into tears as a reaction to his nastiness. Get angry!

Lol at editing your post to try and come off a bit better 😂

She is a much better parent than you as she seems to prioritise what's in a child's best interest over petty ex disputes.

But if he's that much of an arsehole, why is she relying on him at all? It's just asking for trouble and upset.

Honestly ? Because its the absolute bare minimum of parenting, taking your child to the place they go on holiday with their Mother 2-3 times a year in return for doing bugger all the rest of the time, you are seriously asking Mothers this question 2 weeks before Christmas ? I would drive mine to Spain 2-3 times a year if it meant I got to do diddly squat the rest of the time, and a bunch of Women declared me an absolute legend for doing it

Bloody hell there are some harsh replies on this thread.
op has stated her youngest son is profoundly disabled. That almost certainly means OPs son has very limited communication, almost certainly means her son can’t toilet himself, possibly needs help / needs adaptations for mobility / eating and drinking etc etc.
she has already stated her ex wont have youngest DS on his own as he can’t manage, so OP not only being full time parent but likely full time carer. She’ll be organising every medical/ therapies appointment (which could be extensive depending on her son’s age and type of disability). She’s probably effing exhausted not just physically but emotionally. So cut her some bloody slack for being tearful in the car. Despite all of this she still managed to organise a food delivery (which was late) .
yes it might have been a ball ache for dad, yes dad might be stressed, but fuck me a bit of sodding understanding and kindness, if not for his ex, at least to his son isn’t much to ask.
Op, I appreciate that having a profoundly disabled child, can have a huge impact of finances and time, but if you are able to learn to drive, I think in the long run it would give you much needed independence, and be an advantage to your son. I’m sorry you ex is an a massive wazzok and your eldest son was copying his dad. I hope you and your youngest son can have a lovely few days together now, and once you’re back home you have RL support so you can be less dependent on your ex

as a single mum to a child with a disability, i've learned the hard way that cutting all toxic people out and having as little or nothing to do with them, is a great way to increase your energy levels. it's actually so much easier to do it all yourself, once you get into a routine with it all and don't have another human energy vampire sucking the joy out of life.

if you can find a bit of extra cash and time for lessons, you might be able to get a car on the Motability scheme depending on the nature of your son's disability. or even use a few grants via turn2us to pay for other things, which might free up some cash for driving lessons.

He was horrible. You have a profoundly disabled child and I cannot even imagine how tough that is. I have one ASD level 2 son and it's super hard sometimes.

That said, you need to stop relying on him for ANYTHING if he is going to be like this about it.

Get your license. I got mine at 36! Never thought I could but I did. It made me so much more independent.

Blessings to you, you're a wonderful mum and you don't deserve to be treated like this at all.

It is the bare minimum but she also knows he can’t even handle having their child alone - so there’s zero point in expecting anything as it just leads to, well, this.

I’m not a parent 😂

lol at not realising people can forget to add things.

👍

Glad we’re in agreement 👍

Makes perfect sense. Thank God!

I don't get a lot of the responses I've read.

They share children. One child is profoundly disabled. I don't have a disabled child, so I'm having to imagine this and am probably falling way short. I imagine that it's an immense undertaking to organise and go on a holiday with a child who has such needs. In helping your ex, with whom you have children one of whom has significant needs, are you not just fulfilling your role as a parent?

And as such should you not do so gracefully and without berating the mother of your children infront of them? Or is it too much to ask that you don't have a tantrum over a delayed shopping delivery? I think he sounds like an absolute tool.

He should behave but he isn't so you're best off arranging things without him in future OP. Sorry you had to go through that and hope you and your DS have a lovely break now you've got shut of the Grinch.

Makes sense