Page 18 | Ex says he’s sick of doing shit for me

PoptyPin · 2025-12-12T20:23:38+00:00

Tonight it was driving me and our disabled son to a little caravan park so our son could have a festive holiday. Asked ex months ago if he wouldn’t mind driving us as I don’t drive, it’s one hour and 15/20 minutes drive. Ex turned up this evening and I had booked a food delivery to take with us, delivery was delayed by 20 minutes so I apologised and said does he want to come in with our oldest to wait. He was annoyed saying I should have planned it better and it wasn’t fair, he’s not waiting and no way is he waiting in my house. He said he was sick of doing shit for me, I argued that it wasn’t for me, it was for our son who deserves the same opportunities as his sibling, it’s not like he’s driving me to a spa weekend etc. he called me an arsehole and stormed off. i cancelled the delivery as they kept pushing it back, i sat in the car and told him i had cancelled it, oldest said i was a bitch and how ungrateful I was to Dad. I shouted at him to not call me that and to show me some respect. Ex put on happy Christmas music and chatted to DS and I cried all the way there as I was so looking forward to a happy, festive weekend with youngest. (It was dark, the kids wouldn’t have seen but I just felt fucking broken in that moment by everything) Ex struggled to find the accommodation and again said how he was sick of doing this shit for ME. DS joined in with how mammy is ungrateful and I tried to say how it’s not for me, it’s for his sibling who deserves a little holiday, he has profound needs and it’s not easy on my own with him. Ex dropped off all the stuff for us but fucking hell. It’s the last time I ask him to help us. AIBU? Was I ungrateful? Who was unreasonable?

Maddy70 · 17/12/2025 14:32

He was doing you a massive favour (to enable his son to have a nice time). You were disorganised. Why didn't you have the food delivered to the destination?
You inconvenienced him. He was going above and beyond , you abused that

Having said that you were trying to do something nice , but you must try to be independent of your ex and make your own arrangements

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 17/12/2025 14:51

Irrespective of the person involved toʻhe fact that you had a food delivery due anywhere near the time you were leaving would have pissed me off no end.

If you want somebody to do you a favour you should at least ensure that they aren't inconvenienced by you.

Zerosleep · 17/12/2025 15:48

@SeaShellsSanctuary1 @Maddy70 he is an abusive arsehole who clearly has zero time to provide care for his child. As someone who also cares for disabled children, it isn’t always possible to be as super organized as you would like to be so let up on the fact the food delivery wasn’t perfectly timed. Who cares. This is down to the shitty behaviour of her arsehole ex who clearly has zero respect for anyone. Let’s stand up for mums here and not for abusive ex partners.

HevenlyMeS · 17/12/2025 17:35

Yes, tremendously well commented
💚🤗💚 & wondrously well done for articulating so awesomely🥳
Really hope & I'm praying original commenter comes back to read your Incredibly correct compassionate & compound comment
💚🙏💚

marketday · 17/12/2025 18:04

Much as he sounds like a complete arsehole, as you've already realised, the only way forward is to not ask for any favours whatsoever, nada, going forward. Plan future breaks to be nearer home or in a town/city so public transport or taxis can be used to get there. Much as this may seem a compromise to you - I can assure you it's far, far better than your kids seeing you belittled like this. Your relationship with them will have room to reset if you are building new memories on your own with them. Yes it's not fair if you're doing most of the work - but been there/done that - and in the long run, you will regain your kids' respect and appreciation. There are many benefits to the separation and it's best to embrace them rather than try to muddle along with his 'help'.

bleakmidwintering · 17/12/2025 18:13

You sound a bit chaotic op. Is he sick of that? Was that the reason you split. Holiday somewhere closer, get food delivered the day before. Stop asking your X to do jobs. If it was purely dropping your son off then he wouldn’t maybe have had an issue but it’s not just for your son is it? It’s also you he is dropping off.

Condensationon · 17/12/2025 18:14

HevenlyMeS · 17/12/2025 17:35

Yes, tremendously well commented
💚🤗💚 & wondrously well done for articulating so awesomely🥳
Really hope & I'm praying original commenter comes back to read your Incredibly correct compassionate & compound comment
💚🙏💚

Are you feeling all right?

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 18:32

Ok so your ex got himself over in a poor way. You haven't denied asking him for favours so I will assume you do put on him quite a bit. I can see how he's got himself stressed whilst you wait for a food shop. That was poorly planned it should've been booked the day before. It's quite a long drive too.

A lot of people exs wouldn't give them lifts OP despite sharing a child together. I say that as a single mum who has to do all holidays myself ex pays nothing towards them either!

cloudtreecarpet · 17/12/2025 18:49

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 18:32

Ok so your ex got himself over in a poor way. You haven't denied asking him for favours so I will assume you do put on him quite a bit. I can see how he's got himself stressed whilst you wait for a food shop. That was poorly planned it should've been booked the day before. It's quite a long drive too.

A lot of people exs wouldn't give them lifts OP despite sharing a child together. I say that as a single mum who has to do all holidays myself ex pays nothing towards them either!

Edited

Please,please read the OP's updates. It really isn't that simple. At all.

HevenlyMeS · 17/12/2025 18:54

Why do you feel the need to be spiteful? Can't you stand for anyone to have a different opinion to you?

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 18:58

@cloudtreecarpet I'm sorry but I think you need to be fair here to both parties. Her ex does 2 nights a week. OP has 2/3 holidays a year and ex drives her and DC. It sounds like ex lost his rag yes but OP has continued to accept lifts instead of planning a closer holiday or using the train. He does not sound like the worst ex to me at all. OP has to accept responsibility also because she does come across as entitled!

OP can't force him to do holidays alone with his child.

My ex does far less than this in general I know it's not a race to the bottom but OP does sound like her ex isn't all bad IMO.

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 19:04

WhereIsMyJumper · 14/12/2025 07:51

I haven’t RTFT but I am going to go against the grain and say it’s totally possible for ex spouses to help each other out.
Me and ex DH have been separated for 4 years. I drive him and DS to the airport if needed, watch DS on nights if ExH has plans and vice versa. We work together as a team to make life easier for each other and it greatly benefits DS to see us cooperating this way. I don’t think it’s an issue if there is some give and take here. Obviously, if he doesn’t want to do it anymore there’s not much you can do about that but I think it’s sad how few co-parents actually help each other out

That's lovely. Whilst I agree with you it "should" be this way 100%. Sometimes it's not though for various reasons and you have to plan accordingly!

cloudtreecarpet · 17/12/2025 19:10

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 18:58

@cloudtreecarpet I'm sorry but I think you need to be fair here to both parties. Her ex does 2 nights a week. OP has 2/3 holidays a year and ex drives her and DC. It sounds like ex lost his rag yes but OP has continued to accept lifts instead of planning a closer holiday or using the train. He does not sound like the worst ex to me at all. OP has to accept responsibility also because she does come across as entitled!

OP can't force him to do holidays alone with his child.

My ex does far less than this in general I know it's not a race to the bottom but OP does sound like her ex isn't all bad IMO.

So 2 nights a week and a lift a couple of times a year for the disabled son's benefit and she should be grateful to him?
That really is a low bar isn't it?

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 19:17

@cloudtreecarpet presumably OP wants advice and solutions? What's your solution to OP? When 2 people split up theres no point going around the houses and exposing their eldest child to dysfunctional arguments unessaceraliy that too is a low bar....

cloudtreecarpet · 17/12/2025 19:49

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 19:17

@cloudtreecarpet presumably OP wants advice and solutions? What's your solution to OP? When 2 people split up theres no point going around the houses and exposing their eldest child to dysfunctional arguments unessaceraliy that too is a low bar....

It's "unnecessarily' and the OP wanted to know if she was being unreasonable to be upset when her exH made a big deal about giving her and her disabled child a lift, having agreed to it months before.

He also spoke to her like shit & let her son do the same.
She came here to vent, to be heard & to be reassured that no, she wasn't being unreasonable.
Which she wasn't.

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 20:03

cloudtreecarpet · 17/12/2025 19:49

It's "unnecessarily' and the OP wanted to know if she was being unreasonable to be upset when her exH made a big deal about giving her and her disabled child a lift, having agreed to it months before.

He also spoke to her like shit & let her son do the same.
She came here to vent, to be heard & to be reassured that no, she wasn't being unreasonable.
Which she wasn't.

Show quote history

That's your opinion and you won't dictate mine. You sound very angry. She has continued this pattern on of asking her ex for lifts despite his history of speaking rudely in front of her child. So yes indeed OP is unreasonable. Evidently you want to be 1 sided here. That's on you! Like others have said he is an ex for a reason. Read the room!

Madamum18 · 17/12/2025 21:02

I think you should refuse to discuss any of it with him in front of your kids. Its shocking the conversations taking place in front of them. He tells you you are a piece of shit. You say nothing. He says he is fed up up of doing shit for you. You say Oh and then talk to your child! Dont give him ammunition! And for goodness sake both of you stop engaging in this in front of your children. Poor kids

Roobarbtwo · 17/12/2025 21:06

PoptyPin · 15/12/2025 19:32

Very unpleasant drive home, things got heated, ex said he does not have the choice to not see me, I said I too do not have the luxury of not seeing him (I didn’t mean to use the word luxury, it came out that way) he then got very nasty and called me an evil piece of shit, we tried to calm things down, he apologised saying it got heated, I said please can we start again, he said yes but you are still an arsehole. We tried discussing Christmas etc in his house but things again got out of hand and he called me an evil piece of shit multiple times, I told him not to call me that and he said it’s because you are a piece of shit, he was just being honest!

He then said how I was rotten on the inside, an horrible, evil, insidious person. It wasn’t nice and lesson learned-no more favours and no more entering the family home.

His logic is that I probably think the same about him and that he’s just being honest in saying it out loud. He told me he despises me.

i tried to reason with him and said he was verbally abusing me but he was “being honest” Sorry, venting after a bad day, holiday was magical and lovely though. ✨

He sounds like a scum bag. Ignore people giving you a hard time. You don't deserve this abuse

Roobarbtwo · 17/12/2025 21:08

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 18:58

@cloudtreecarpet I'm sorry but I think you need to be fair here to both parties. Her ex does 2 nights a week. OP has 2/3 holidays a year and ex drives her and DC. It sounds like ex lost his rag yes but OP has continued to accept lifts instead of planning a closer holiday or using the train. He does not sound like the worst ex to me at all. OP has to accept responsibility also because she does come across as entitled!

OP can't force him to do holidays alone with his child.

My ex does far less than this in general I know it's not a race to the bottom but OP does sound like her ex isn't all bad IMO.

He sounds like an abusive twat

LongJoanneSilber · 17/12/2025 21:39

Your ex wants to move on on life and you seem not to be able to. Why not learn to drive and become more independent? I think he was very generous to drive you at all. As an adult you should be more self sufficient.

Morecoombe · 17/12/2025 21:54

Stop asking your ex to do things for you. Stand in your own feet and figure it out. He isn’t your husband

Roobarbtwo · 17/12/2025 22:00

People conveniently ignoring the abuse he's giving her.

croydon15 · 17/12/2025 22:08

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 18:32

Ok so your ex got himself over in a poor way. You haven't denied asking him for favours so I will assume you do put on him quite a bit. I can see how he's got himself stressed whilst you wait for a food shop. That was poorly planned it should've been booked the day before. It's quite a long drive too.

A lot of people exs wouldn't give them lifts OP despite sharing a child together. I say that as a single mum who has to do all holidays myself ex pays nothing towards them either!

Edited

Did you read OP's posts the ex agreed to give them a lift, OP cannot take the train with her disabled son, she has to watch him all the time and bring a lot of equipment. She's doing what she can to give their son a holiday, there's no need for her ex to abuse her in front of the children. He should do it to make his disabled son' life a bit more enjoyable as he seems to take the eldest on holiday and does nothing for the youngest.
OP is not unreasonable.

Roobarbtwo · 17/12/2025 22:36

I'm actually really surprised at some of the criticism being levelled in the OPs direction here. She's detailed abuse he's said to her in front of their eldest who seems to be turning on her too - and he's happy with that

It's not a competition on here - saying my ex doesn't do as much isn't helpful. She's being abused. She has a child with additional needs and she spent the entire car journey crying because of the abuse she was getting

Not on. I grew up in a household where my mum was regularly abused - mentally and worse. It's horrible and I have never forgotten it over 40 years on

OP - please get some proper advice - and try and put as much distance between you and him as you can - and someone needs to have a word with your teenager. He's completely out of order and your ex will be loving the way he's treating you

Don't ask him to help you again - all you'll get is grief

Missey85 · 18/12/2025 07:02

Roobarbtwo · 17/12/2025 22:00

People conveniently ignoring the abuse he's giving her.

Even more reason not to ask favours and cut contact 🤷