Ex says he’s sick of doing shit for me

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Tonight it was driving me and our disabled son to a little caravan park so our son could have a festive holiday. Asked ex months ago if he wouldn’t mind driving us as I don’t drive, it’s one hour and 15/20 minutes drive.

Ex turned up this evening and I had booked a food delivery to take with us, delivery was delayed by 20 minutes so I apologised and said does he want to come in with our oldest to wait. He was annoyed saying I should have planned it better and it wasn’t fair, he’s not waiting and no way is he waiting in my house. He said he was sick of doing shit for me, I argued that it wasn’t for me, it was for our son who deserves the same opportunities as his sibling, it’s not like he’s driving me to a spa weekend etc. he called me an arsehole and stormed off.

i cancelled the delivery as they kept pushing it back, i sat in the car and told him i had cancelled it, oldest said i was a bitch and how ungrateful I was to Dad. I shouted at him to not call me that and to show me some respect.

Ex put on happy Christmas music and chatted to DS and I cried all the way there as I was so looking forward to a happy, festive weekend with youngest. (It was dark, the kids wouldn’t have seen but I just felt fucking broken in that moment by everything)

Ex struggled to find the accommodation and again said how he was sick of doing this shit for ME. DS joined in with how mammy is ungrateful and I tried to say how it’s not for me, it’s for his sibling who deserves a little holiday, he has profound needs and it’s not easy on my own with him.

Ex dropped off all the stuff for us but fucking hell. It’s the last time I ask him to help us. AIBU? Was I ungrateful? Who was unreasonable?

Yet she still wants him when she wants him

You are taking the piss expecting your ex to drive you around. Your son is out of order for calling you a bitch and you need to severely discipline him for that. You are being unreasonable by trying to suggest that you weren't getting anything from the trip when clearly you were also having a weekend away.

Is that right? Is it , as you say, A: that she wants him when she wants him, or is it B: that she cannot take their disabled son on holiday without help transporting the equipment he needs, meaning if the boys dad can’t drive them he doesn’t get a holiday, so the op both tolerates her ex and makes the effort to do a holiday with ds, while her ex who never ever ever ever like not one single time ever takes his child on holiday heaps abuse on her head.
the facts we know are all screaming B. But whatever, you give him a good dad prize and say that disabled boy doesn’t deserve a holiday anyway and she’s a shit mum if she can’t drive as that’s why she can’t take him on holiday he’s a great dad as when he’s not abusing his ex he sometimes takes the non disabled child away and only leaves the other child behind (I wonder who looks after him when his brother gets a holiday with dad? It’s a mystery, as it couldn’t possibly be the shit mum. Surely.)

I thought everyone agreed the ex is a twat for being a rather hands off parent and his behaviour in front of his children

Doesn’t change the fact op needs to find a way to do things without asking him for help as she knows his shit.

It’s like hitting your self with a door and keep doing it over and over expecting a different outcome. The ex is a twat today, was a twat yesterday will be a twat tomorrow. Op can only change herself not him.

what you are saying is she needs either to abandon the idea of her ds ever getting to go on holiday, or decide to tolerate her ex and ask his help. She doesn’t have another way currently, and she’s putting herself through the dickhead exposure so her child can go away. That’s pretty heroic really.

That is currently her issue yes. But again nobody can make the Ex change. No matter how much we think his shit that is him.

So op makes other plans, doesn’t go or sadly deals with the shit ex.

It’s however not good for her children to be exposed to the abuse by their father towards their mother which brings it back to other plans or just don’t go.

Yes it’s sad but again nobody can make someone change they have to want to.