Ex says he’s sick of doing shit for me

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Tonight it was driving me and our disabled son to a little caravan park so our son could have a festive holiday. Asked ex months ago if he wouldn’t mind driving us as I don’t drive, it’s one hour and 15/20 minutes drive.

Ex turned up this evening and I had booked a food delivery to take with us, delivery was delayed by 20 minutes so I apologised and said does he want to come in with our oldest to wait. He was annoyed saying I should have planned it better and it wasn’t fair, he’s not waiting and no way is he waiting in my house. He said he was sick of doing shit for me, I argued that it wasn’t for me, it was for our son who deserves the same opportunities as his sibling, it’s not like he’s driving me to a spa weekend etc. he called me an arsehole and stormed off.

i cancelled the delivery as they kept pushing it back, i sat in the car and told him i had cancelled it, oldest said i was a bitch and how ungrateful I was to Dad. I shouted at him to not call me that and to show me some respect.

Ex put on happy Christmas music and chatted to DS and I cried all the way there as I was so looking forward to a happy, festive weekend with youngest. (It was dark, the kids wouldn’t have seen but I just felt fucking broken in that moment by everything)

Ex struggled to find the accommodation and again said how he was sick of doing this shit for ME. DS joined in with how mammy is ungrateful and I tried to say how it’s not for me, it’s for his sibling who deserves a little holiday, he has profound needs and it’s not easy on my own with him.

Ex dropped off all the stuff for us but fucking hell. It’s the last time I ask him to help us. AIBU? Was I ungrateful? Who was unreasonable?

Using your ex as a personal taxis service and guilting him into doing it for the kids is not on. Getting a shop so close to the pickup time yes was really bad planning. The fact you think it's should be his duty is absolutely shocking.

He shouldn't speak to you like that but you should not be reliant on him. I find it really strange that he goes as far as to drive you places, especially places 90 minutes away but won't enter your house. That in itself reflects a strained relationship. You need to either learn to drive or find alternative transport.

Guilted him? She asked him to give them a lift to their holiday. He could have said no.

I agree.
He was rude but you took the piss a bit.

He doesn’t sound particularly nice but I’d probably be a bit annoyed too at having to wait all that time. You could have been a bit more organised with the food delivery at least.

Your ex sounds awful, and it is appalling that your oldest child spoke to you that way (how old is this child, btw?). You really do need to learn how to drive so that you are not reliant on your ex. As long as you are reliant on someone, they will always have power over you.

He is the disabled childs father!! Not a random ex. This would have been agreed far in advance. AND she is the carer 100% of the time.

It was his weekend with his profoundly disabled son. In exchange for this humongous inconvenience of waiting for a food shop, he gets the weekend back to himself. Fucking hard life he leads isn’t it?

He's probably frustrated about all the driving he has to do, esp in the dark. If he was a real arsehole, he'd not have agreed to drive you i think. I'm so sorry that you were in tears. You sound like a lovely mum. Sending you big hugs x

Then he is old enough to be told a few home truths, but I suspect that wont go well. I am willing to bet my house that ex is Disney Dad who lets him game as much as he likes, takes him out to do the fun stuff and doesnt make him do homework/chores etc and you are the mean mum who sets rules and makes him do those things.

Irrespective of any to the issues in your post, you need to learn how to drive. As the years go by your ex will be less around, he may partner up, move etc, anything can happen. You need to work towards being self sufficient, in an emergency not being able to drive in your scenario is not ideal. Gain back control and work towards getting a licence.

The OP says in the her first post that it was delayed. How is that something she can "be a bit more organised" about? Should she make sure that Tesco guarantee that no drivers call in sick on the day she has her order?!

I didn’t say it was, but also it would hardly have been rocket science for the OP to have got the food delivery last night instead of at the time she was due to leave today 🙄

I didn’t realise today was the only day ever. She should have had it delivered last night.

I can't believe the focus of some posters is OP not driving when her ex has been verbally abusive in front of their children and has 1 of the children copying him.
OP, you need to avoid any time with him and your DC. Not because he shouldn't help or you asking for help justifies his behaviour but because your children seeing him disrespect you stops them from respecting you. Oldest needs disciplining and a strong word about how he talks to his mum.

This it would be full of diatribes of “King CF!! He books a holiday that is dependent on you being taxi driver and he then pisses about with ordering stuff then plays the sobbing victim? STEP BACK op!! He’s abusing you!!”

It wasn’t at the time she was due to leave 🤷🏻‍♀️. It says quite clearly in the OP that it was due to come before they left. It was delayed.

Old enough to choose to live with his dad. Give him that option and see how that shakes down. Ex may be more accommodating to both his children if he means he can get out of being a full time dad

Where did she say she is the carer 100% of the time? She has not said what the custody arrangements are . All she has said is that he doesn’t take him anywhere. Even this weekend it was his turn to have him . But she decided to go away with him.

Taking his own child on a holiday is "guilting" him? Wow. It is EVERY parent's duty to make sure their children get the best they possibly can.

Deadbeat dads will love you, for sure

She was trying to arrange food for them all on a long journey, she hardly planned for it to be held up.

But to be fair, arranging it to arrive at the same time as she was due to be setting off is just asking for trouble. She hasn't explained why she didn't arrange the deliver for several hours beforehand, or even the previous day.

I'd be annoyed at the poorly planned food delivery if it was delaying me starting a 3 hour round trip that was a favour to an ex too.

He’s the disabled child’s father and you are the child’s carer. I assume most or all of the time. Your ex owes you a lot. Hope he pays support and does 50% well. But I doubt it.

Your oldest can make his weekend spent at Dad's permanent if he can't control his potty mouth. What a disrespectful little shit.

And OP, please learn to drive or ask someone else - he is an ex for a reason and you shouldn't be using him for errands. it will never end well - for you. He holds all the power here.

All he had to do was wait for a food shop. Honestly I think some of you must have really charmed lives if such a minor inconvenience would cause you to have a tantrum like the one the OP describes.
I have a disabled child. So much of our lives revolve around him and his needs. Every day something doesn’t go to plan, or something inconveniences us. We still do it, because he’s our child, and we love him, and that’s what parenting a disabled child is like, a lot of the time.
The OP’s child is the child of the man we’re discussing here, yet people are defending him for having a baby tantrum because he was mildly inconvenienced on this one occasion. If he parented the child full time he’d be dealing with far more than a minor inconvenience, every single day.
So many male apologists on this thread.