DD(15y) off ill from school...now wants to come grocery shopping

[CelestialCandyfloss]

And I know why...so she can try to strong arm me into buying her sweets and treats 😒
She's been complaining of a tummy ache and feeling sick. I relented and let her stay home. I've had an awful 11 months with work and quite frankly I am burnt out and crawling towards the Christmas break. She's been ill on and off lately. I am sympathetic (she gets bad period pains), and has been involved in friendship dramas that I talked through with her, but she does also take the piss. I'm a single parent so have to be both good and bad cop.
She's now screaming and crying that she wants to come with me to Tesco to do the shopping. I've said no. If she's too poorly to go to school, then she's not going to be trotting round Tesco throwing all sorts in the trolley. I buy her snacks but she always wants more.

She's having a full on screaming fit. She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

AIBU to not take her? In fact I've just finished work (WFH today), am exhausted and just feel like not bothering at all.

Is she not worried about teachers seeing her? To be fair it’s Friday evening, if she comes with you it just means she got better I’ve the day but has to be in Monday morning. Might give you a break to just bring her but I get it’ll be irritating and like giving in

You've said no, that's it, stick to it, let her scream and cry, do your shopping in peace.

Is the screaming and crying typical for her at 15? On the face of it I don’t think a trip out for some treats and a bit of fresh air is incompatible with being off school ill, especially if the problem is period pain and she feels well enough to go. I would not, however, be rewarding tantrums, and if I couldn’t afford to indulge demands for treats this close to Christmas I would expect her to take no for an answer.

Tell her you will get her sweets, shopping on a Friday evening is manic. If today is the only day off, then no, if she’s been off a few days and today feeling better, then yes.

Just don’t go. Put your pjs on.

Fuck, no.
She is 15, not 5. You need to have the backbone here and tell her that. Too sick for school, too sick to go out in public. That’s how it works in the adult world. Get used to it.

Also, there’s enough disease out there at present. Keep your sick kid home and stop spreading germs unnecessarily.

I was never off school ill ... my mum made us stay in bed if we were too ill for school. No phone, tablet, tv. Could read a book if bored.

she will be better by monday
i would let her

She's pretty defiant and always liked to get her own way. She had period pain and was off two weeks ago; this is a separate illness - feeling /being sick and having tummy ache. She refuses breakfast but buys cakes in school. Turns her nose up at food I make. Her BFF Is super fussy, I believe she has ED and I'm so worried my daughter is so sugar addicted

No - if she’s not well enough for school, she can’t go out shopping. If she’s behaving like a child, treat her like one - take her phone off her and no treats to eat.

Has she work from school to catch up on - she could be spending her time doing that.

A screaming fit? At 15? Fuck me my kids would never have a single treat ever again if they’d screamed at me. What is her problem? Her real problem.That’s what I’d be trying to establish. The going to Tesco is neither here nor there but the relationship sounds fraught.

Same...I had to be at literal deaths door. We didn't even have phone s or tablets when I was at school!

That isn’t how it works in the adult world at all. People who are off sick do have to get children to school, do food shopping etc; the same goes for people with sick children in tow. This is one of MN’s weird black-and-white-thinking issues.

Too sick for school too sick for shopping.

I also wouldn’t be buying treats and sweets for a tantruming 15 year old.

Yes I've told her to do her homework, reading and revision (she's Yr 10)

A child of this age screaming like that is really unusual.

I’d let her go . Not sure it’s a battle that needs fighting. I’m generally pretty strict too

TBH I am so drained I might just not bother. Maybe do it Sunday morning.

This is what my mum did, although there were no phones or tablets back then.

OP don't give in to her, you're giving in to a tantrum. She's behaving like a 5 year old.

You’re being disingenuous with this response by oversimplifying what I’ve said.

Of course adults do. Because they’re adults And have responsibilities. But adults also don’t generally take the piss by bunking off work then going out - or at least, they shouldn’t. Aren’t we meant to teach our kids these things too? Or should we teach them it’s ok to stay home as soon as everything isn’t great at work but hey, off you trot to the pub later?

Taking your 5 year old with you to do the shop may be necessary for adults, but taking your 15 year old because she is demanding sweets absolutely is not.

Yeah go Sunday and tbh I still wouldn’t take her with you.

It’s just rewarding bad behaviour.

Hmm this puzzles me. Last time I was ill, I definitely couldn’t have been reading a book. Snoozing on the sofa listening/vaguely watching tv was all I could do.

A 15yo having a screaming fit shouldn't be getting anything, let alone a trip to the shops to buy treats.

Does she always behave like this?

Exactly this. Cannot believe posters saying take her. Fancy giving in to a 15 year old having a tantrum? Fuck that!

You'd let a screaming 15yo have sweets and treats?

😬