DD(15y) off ill from school...now wants to come grocery shopping

[CelestialCandyfloss]

And I know why...so she can try to strong arm me into buying her sweets and treats 😒
She's been complaining of a tummy ache and feeling sick. I relented and let her stay home. I've had an awful 11 months with work and quite frankly I am burnt out and crawling towards the Christmas break. She's been ill on and off lately. I am sympathetic (she gets bad period pains), and has been involved in friendship dramas that I talked through with her, but she does also take the piss. I'm a single parent so have to be both good and bad cop.
She's now screaming and crying that she wants to come with me to Tesco to do the shopping. I've said no. If she's too poorly to go to school, then she's not going to be trotting round Tesco throwing all sorts in the trolley. I buy her snacks but she always wants more.

She's having a full on screaming fit. She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

AIBU to not take her? In fact I've just finished work (WFH today), am exhausted and just feel like not bothering at all.

That way madness lies.

She's having a full on screaming fit. She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

Can you elaborate a bit on that last sentence? What is the "bad habit" and what have you do to try to stop her?

It's not a quiet life if the teenager thinks she can scream to get what she wants is it?

If I had Friday off, I wasn’t allowed out all weekend. So I always made myself go on on a Friday 😅

Too ill for school, too ill to go shopping.

A tantrum-throwing 15 year old needs to be made aware that she doesn’t rule the roost. Sounds like she thinks screaming and behaving like a brat will get her what she wants.

She probably does get what she wants though. The screaming fits work.

Mum labels it as ‘defiance’, says she’s exhausted with it and gives in. She probably always has since the dd was 3…

A cautionary tale for all those soft as shit ‘gentle’ parents. If you don’t start boundaries at some point you get a sugar addicted stroppy 15 year old ruling the roost.

Thanks for concluding I don't practice 'decent parenting ' because my daughter shouted at me? I didn't have to deal with screaming or 'tantrums' when she was young, because she didn't act like that. Her best friend is constantly shouting at her parents and getting her own way. I feel this has now become the tactic in my house.

Honestly, no one needs sugar this badly if there’s other food in the house. It’s not addictive like crack or cheese

Nope, not the case. I'm exhausted because of an external situation that I've had to deal with and I didn't want to deal with shouting tonight.

Oh, I totally agree with you.

But why is your 15yo having a screaming fit to begin with? She should have been taught long ago that that kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable.

You’re probably right about your daughter copying her best friend’s behaviour. I remember a time when I had to ban my younger DD from watching Tracy Beaker for the same reason. Stay strong @CelestialCandyfloss and hope for a peaceful day tomorrow.

If there’s one thing I have learned the hard way it’s that teenage girls can be dramatic, no matter what they’ve been taught in the past.

I don't think tantrums in teenage girls is out of the ordinary

Having a screaming fit at 15? I'd be telling her to cut out the toddler tantrum and grow up. If she was too ill for school then she's too ill for Tesco. And I'd be telling her that the consequence for having a tantrum is that she gets fuck all snacks

Sorry but your child is having a tantrum, you are burnt out and rather than deal with it you are posting on here. You must have more free time on your hands than you realise

She's been complaining of a tummy ache and feeling sick.

Then the last thing she needs is sweets. Bananas, rice, toast, and applesauce.

And screaming tantrum? She must be feeling a whole lot better. 🙄 I wouldn't take her just for that bullshit alone.

Tantrums, yes, but not a full-on screaming fit over sweets.

Deal with what dd needs ignoring if she is going to act like that. Op going up there is going to escalate things further dd needs time to calm down

I took screaming meaning shouting not actually squealing

WTF? Mumsnet literally exists so parents can ask for advice. I can’t understand why you would choose to post something so needlessly unpleasant.

Perhaps OP has indeed taught her daughter that screaming and shouting is wrong, but her daughter for one of a hundred possible reasons does it anyway? You can do everything right and still end up with a kid who doesn’t do what it says on the tin.

Either way it's not normal.

I think posting on here for advice rather than engaging with the tantrum is sensible.

Really? Screaming and crying to go shopping at 15? My kids are young adults and I cannot imagine they or their friends doing this at 15 at all. I didn’t when I was a teen. Is this really common in most households?? Genuinely?

If she does not have SEND, then the solution to raiding the cupboards is to not buy any treats. OK, there will be some tantrums, but you're getting those anyhow once she's eaten all the existing treats - noise cancelling headphones or acoustic filter ear plugs will take the shrillest notes out of it.

It'll make Christmas cheaper.

But it is absolutely normal for a lot of teen girls to still have tantrums and shout and cry and stomp around the house and slam doors