DD(15y) off ill from school...now wants to come grocery shopping

[CelestialCandyfloss]

And I know why...so she can try to strong arm me into buying her sweets and treats 😒
She's been complaining of a tummy ache and feeling sick. I relented and let her stay home. I've had an awful 11 months with work and quite frankly I am burnt out and crawling towards the Christmas break. She's been ill on and off lately. I am sympathetic (she gets bad period pains), and has been involved in friendship dramas that I talked through with her, but she does also take the piss. I'm a single parent so have to be both good and bad cop.
She's now screaming and crying that she wants to come with me to Tesco to do the shopping. I've said no. If she's too poorly to go to school, then she's not going to be trotting round Tesco throwing all sorts in the trolley. I buy her snacks but she always wants more.

She's having a full on screaming fit. She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

AIBU to not take her? In fact I've just finished work (WFH today), am exhausted and just feel like not bothering at all.

Not over sweets, it's not.

@CelestialCandyfloss the screaming fit at 15 from being told no isn't normal.

Just keep doing what you are doing and reiterate that if she has a tantrum then she will absolutely not have treats for a week, and that she needs to treat you woth respect and not behave like a toddler. If my 15 year old did that I'd also take his phone for 24 hours!!

If she is taking them out the cupboard and fridge then I'd stop buying them at all and stick to fruit.

I am a bit baffled at you saying she takes treats out of the cupboard and fridge. I stopped policing what my son ate long before he was 15. If it's in the house he can have it. If you don't want her to have it, don't buy it.

Also I think it's fine for her to come to Tesco if she is feeling better, so long as it is after school. People can feel better as the day goes on. That said, my mindset is a little different as my son had a lot of time off school in years 8 and 9 because of stomach aches (the drs put it down to stress related IBS). He would have barely left the house if I only took him out when he'd been in school earlier that day.

The very fact she is 15 and screaming and shouting would be a hard fucking no from me!

Generally I wouldn’t have a problem if she was feeling better and wanted to get out of the house. But that behaviour? Nope. No way.

I’ve a teen girl and no we don’t have screaming fits and demands of sweets and such.

She asks and accepts a no she might grumble but she certainly does not tantrum about it. If she started crying because I wouldn’t take her to Tesco I’d think she had gone a bit loopy tbh.

No judgement on the tantrums. I know plenty of door slamming teens who tantrum about screen time, appropriate clothing or staying out too late.

I wouldn't buy sweets for a child with gastric symptoms though. Surely that would make it worse?

When she's well, explain that you decide what food to buy and she decides whether to eat it. If she's buying junk food herself there's no need for you to buy it too. So I wouldn't. Do online shops or don't take her with you.

She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

Don’t have treats at home at all. Tell her her behaviour shows she’s addicted to sugar and now can only have treats on a Saturday. Then hide away while she screams the house down and it all blows over…

If OP’s daughter has seen her friend get her own way by using this tactic, it must be more common than you think. It’s not a rare event, certainly. Did your children never eat all the Advent calendar chocolates by December 3rd?

Yeah thats not so normal but if she has food issues then its understandable

Exactly. Rolling eyes, huffing, the odd slammed door, a shout of ‘it’s not fair’ all probably normal. This crying and screaming behaviour is certainly not normal for any teens I have met. And I have lots of good friends who have been through this stage w their kids.

I agree with this. Busy yourself on mn rather than engage with her.

Even if you did relent and let her come with you why does she think that automatically gets her sweets and treats? Would she tantrum in the shop? 🙈

No! Maybe my kids were unusual then, who knows.

I was a sweet-craving teenager and I’m currently saving up for three fillings - can’t get a NHS dentist.

They sound very well-behaved.

I assume you mean she’s shouting. That along with crying is terribly babyish behaviour for a 15 year old. I really hope you left the house without her and do the same every time she tries that.

I really don't think this is true?

I have three teens, one 18, one 16 and one 14.

Genuinely, hand on heart, they've never shouted or screamed at me. They've never sworn at us. We have probably had about three occasions max of leaving the room huffily and a loud closing of a door.

I don't recognise posts which seem to accept teen tantrums and huffing as the norm. I really don't think it is, it a fair reflection of most teens I know.

Ha ha my then 6yr old did - and also ate his older sisters advent calendar 🙈 He was 6! Not bloody 15. Though we do still laugh at him every year about it when advent calendars are handed out 🤣

Who are these people saying this behaviour is normal? I have 4 dc - 3 over 15. Not one of them behaved like that.

They were only allowed to open one day of the advent calendar at a time and chocolate and sweets were not readily available at home. They were a treat for special occasions.

Thank you. And she is always praised (ever since she was a little girl) for her good manners, how lovely she is (she is), how kind and polite she is. Her best friend is the same but shouts at her mum and dad. I try not to react. I leave the room etc but in the past and now sometimes I shout back. I'm working on this, but we're all only human. I never really shouted at my parents but both me and my mum have said we wanted ou r own way as teenagers.

15 seems a bit old for wheedling sweets and treats and most kids of any age don't like grocery shopping much.

Tell her no and explain that she might puke in the store which would be embarrassing for her and inconvenient for you and the staff that have to clean it up!

I think there is an unfair stereotype of teenagers and it can be a self fulfilling prophecy somehow. This seems unique to western cultures. I am from an Asian culture and teens are not expected to be behave like this and generally don’t. This may be changing now of course.

My kids are early 20s and have never sworn at us. I’m sure they do with their friends, but not at home. I wouldn’t be too bothered if they did at this age but they have clearly chosen not to.

If you read my post, I said I wasn't going to accept being shouted at.

Uh, not at 15, no.

Even at five, I wouldn't have dared behave like that.

Op just say no to her and go the shop without her. It really is that easy.