DD(15y) off ill from school...now wants to come grocery shopping

[CelestialCandyfloss]

And I know why...so she can try to strong arm me into buying her sweets and treats 😒
She's been complaining of a tummy ache and feeling sick. I relented and let her stay home. I've had an awful 11 months with work and quite frankly I am burnt out and crawling towards the Christmas break. She's been ill on and off lately. I am sympathetic (she gets bad period pains), and has been involved in friendship dramas that I talked through with her, but she does also take the piss. I'm a single parent so have to be both good and bad cop.
She's now screaming and crying that she wants to come with me to Tesco to do the shopping. I've said no. If she's too poorly to go to school, then she's not going to be trotting round Tesco throwing all sorts in the trolley. I buy her snacks but she always wants more.

She's having a full on screaming fit. She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

AIBU to not take her? In fact I've just finished work (WFH today), am exhausted and just feel like not bothering at all.

Defiantly and likes her own way or a pampered madam who's never been told no?

Batshit isn't it? Even if she was five, the answer should be no!

I’m not being disingenuous at all, I just disagree with you. I think many adults massively overuse the “this is what it’s like in the adult world” mantra to justify nonsense practices (like being trapped in the house 24/7 because you’re not well enough for a day’s work, or wearing a tie all day for a 7yo child, or not being allowed to use a toilet when desperate). The truth is that the vast majority of adults don’t have to do any of those things at all.

I did say earlier though that I wouldn’t be rewarding tantrums or indulging unreasonable requests for treats. That, in my opinion, is legitimately preparing her for the adult world, where we can’t get what we want by screeching and begging. Unlike popping out for food/fresh air while ill, which adults do all the time.

Do the shop online?

I didn't say that. She's definitely gets told no. I don't think this is unheard of with teenagers, is it?

Why does she have money for junk food when she isn’t eating the meals provided? Offer one meal - if she doesn’t want it, she doesn’t get junk food as an alternative.

I don't think full on screaming fits are normal for NT teenagers, no.

If it achieves the desired result, it’s really not.

15 year olds should not be having screaming tantrums so no your daughter's behavior is not common for teenagers.

I think the screaming and crying needs addressing 🤔

Of course it's unusual. That's what 3yo's do.

15yo's should have been taught long ago not to scream to get what they want.

Can you do an online shop? At 15 years old screaming and shouting is unacceptable. I think you need step up a bit. I would not have treats in the house if you think she is becoming a addiction.

This x100!

Ah, I suspect we maybe agree on more than we think. I also don’t agree with ties on kids, or not being allowed to go to the toilet except in set breaks, or lots of other stupid practices just because ‘that’s what we’ve always done.’

But I am buggered if I want someone with gastric symptoms wandering around a supermarket possibly spreading germs for no good reason, other than because she wants sweets. That’s irresponsible and avoidable and kids need to learn that. To me that’s just being a responsible human.
That isn’t the same as going out for fresh air - which is altogether a different matter.

@CelestialCandyfloss if you’ve said no, you need to hold the line and say it’s not a negotiation, you’re not going shopping. Then your DD knows screaming is not going to work this time.

15 and throwing toddler tantrums? Crikey, is this regular behaviour? Either way, you are knackered OP, take a break and revisit your shopping another day.

Yeah, I don’t think we’re that far apart really 😆 sorry if I was snippy. Long day!

not necessarily
but come to tesco, for a quiet life

i absolutely think the answer is, as the op has suggested.
just dont go shopping!

OP; seriously, a full on screaming tantrum isn't usual in 15 year olds and you're going to need to address this. Is there family in the picture?
Perhaps she needs more support?
I would make an appointment with the GP for the period problems, firstly, because that may need investigation.
Secondly, make an appointment to see the appropriate pastoral head at school. They can discuss any concerns they have, and also suggest support for you.
This is a problem.

Agreed.

Screaming to try to make the adult give in ?

Of course it isn't normal.
It is a stage many dc go through at 2 or 3, until decent parenting teaches it gets them nowhere and they tend to not then continue.

Of course she shouldn't be taken to the shop.
Apart from anything else, she shouldn't be sharing her germs with others. but that aside, you've told her 'no', so you calmly walk out of the door and go and do the shop, then, when you return without any treats you reiterate that people who scream and tantrum don't get rewarded for that behaviour.

It's very unusual for a reason like wanting sweets. Yes teenagers can throw tantrums but not for things that a 3yo would throw a tantrum over. She's well old enough to understand that when she's off school she can't be galavanting round the shops.

For those saying they'd go shopping if they were off work poorly, really? Because if I'm off work poorly I am unable to leave the house, I thought that was the same for everyone.

She sounds like me at 15 and still now in my 30s. That's not a good thing op

I totally agree with this. Sugar is bad for the immune system is what I’d say.