To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

I’m really sorry people are piling on you for having the audacity to still live at home at 25. I moved out at the same age but I lived in Scotland, so much cheaper /easier to do. I live on the south coast now myself and I don’t know how anyone on minimum wage survives. I would have come out to get my son in those circumstances without needing to be asked as that’s what family do. I’d have done the same for my dad, sisters, mates too. I also bought an electric blanket last year and it has changed my life!

This wouldn't have been an issue in my family. Sorry your mom is like this. Hope she compensates in other ways.

Absolutely. And 99% of the time I do but I live in the arse end of nowhere and tqxi’s aren’t always available and there is defintely no Uber. So it’s an ‘uber-mum’ and she is a SUber duber!! I would go to the end of earth for her and she’d do same for me.
people on Mumsnet are wierd.

It’s them not you. Shame on them.

Big hug for you, @coldabdtired
Sometimes I'm almost embarrassed to be a member of mumsnet.
I do hope you've had a much better day.

I think thats mean of them! None of our young adult dc drive and DH and I are an unofficial taxi service. The joke among my dd (20) and her friends is ",Shall we just get a J-uber?" (My name begins with J!). I don't begrudge them if we're not busy. Rather that than think of them cold and miserable!

If anything op, your situation is less problematic because given that you are not taking up social housing, it means someone else has the opportunity.

Op, I think someone is very unhappy with their lot and is using you to make themselves feel better about their own situation.

You have done and are doing nothing wrong!! And while you aren't paying market rates for your housing, there's a good chance you are more than covering you expenses - which means you are effectively subsidising your parents...

Well, quite!

Well, that's one take.

How much are you paying your parents in rent and what does it include? Is your brother younger or older and does he pay the same?

That’s none of your business

Gosh there are some tw*ts on this thread 😮! YANBU OP. I'd have picked up DD in such a circumstance. I live a few minutes from my parents and we often help each other out with e.g. lifts from medical appointments where there is no parking, car mechanics on service day, social things etc. I would certainly just grab a coat and whizz out and get you in such a circumstance. I have no idea why some people have such a problem with young adults living at home. It's completely irrelevant to the actual question really. And without wishing to make assumptions, the fact you work at a hospital suggests you're not an investment banker on £100k in your 20s, and so it's perfectly flipping obvious why you might be living at home, and why you might choose cheaper public transport to work instead of expensive parking. It's really not difficult to understand and I don't know why people are making such a thing of it. Aside from that, it's always ok to ask for help... you never know one of them might have texted back saying actually I'm just out in the car and not far from you I'll come get you now. It's just what... normal families and friends do really. It's really not an outrageous thing to have asked.

Completely agree, @Deliaskis. We’re in our seventies, and we are lucky enough to have a group of friends who will always drop anything if any of us is in a bind for whatever reason. If we were near our children, we would of course do the same for them, and they for us. Normal family and friends behaviour, nothing like this alternate universe some people appear to inhabit.

It's relevant to the overall picture, much as might feel intrusive.

Well there's your answer. The pair of you are probably not paying them enough and they are feeling somewhat resentful. It may also be they would like to downsize to somewhere smaller and cheaper to run whilst they still have the energy and funds to do so but can't because they feel obligated to provide you and your DB with somewhere to live whilst you get on your feet. Have you shared your moving out plans with them? Ie by x date I'll have this much saved and will buy somewhere with friend / partner etc or are they in the dark and just hoping it's not going to be too much longer? They are 4 years below SP pension age so are probably living off private pensions and concerned about how long their funds will last. Maybe try and have an adult conversation with them about the impact you're each having on the other's future plans and see where that takes you.

The are perfectly happy with what we are paying and they do not want to downsize at all. They adore their house, the garden and spend all day out there. My dad gets his state pension, my mum has a private pension and they have other sources of income. Don’t make assumptions.

But it’s not. If I was paying £800 a month does it mean they have to give lifts but if it’s £300 they don’t?!

Why is OPs living situation of any relevance whatsoever?

OP asked parents a perfectly reasonable question obviously hoping they’d say yes but understanding if they said no, but instead got told she was selfish for even asking the question. That’s not on.

have they talked to you since @coldabdtired

Yeah we’ve chatted like normal. I just can’t really be bothered for it to turn into a thing

In their eyes, potentially, yes.

Well that’s a load of bollocks. As I’ve said a million times, I wasn’t bothered by the fact they said no, it was the way they said it

I was positioning other perfectly reasonable possibilities that you may not have thought of as to why your mum refused to come and get you. You've said they don't apply which is fine. Maybe it comes down to nothing more than they find
driving in the dark, in heavy traffic with blinding oncoming headlights, very uncomfortable and unsafe or they are just innately selfish people. Who knows.

The responses on this thread…

I’ll always help my kids.. don’t care how old they are.

Seems many posters think the minute you turn 18 you are entitled for asking for any help whatsoever. Barmy.

Downright hilarious really - where people can assume you are "very unhappy with your lot". I assume that was aimed at me. For context I no longer live in that flat. I had to move five years ago because the flat I lived in was being demolished.

The entire housing scheme was being pulled down - and I now live elsewhere.

As for the dig that was made about not taking up social housing so that someone else has the opportunity - I made it quite clear that the area I moved into - people didn't want to live there and that's why the council decided to pull them down - the amount of voids.

People shouldn't feel ashamed of taking up any social or council housing if its available to them. I have friends (who live nowhere near me). Both families are in private lets. Both are paying well over a grand a month. One of the houses is damp and it's affecting their health because the landlord is refusing to do repairs.

There should be far more low cost accommodation for people who need it. People shouldn't have to live in insecure tenancies and pay over the odds for them knowing they could be served an eviction notice at any time

With all due respect, have you ever actually sat down and chatted about expectations, on both sides?