To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

We would not hesitate to collect either of our early 20s daughters, if they needed us. They have been stranded more than once as suddenly no trains were running and my husband has driven 40 minutes each way to collect, once when we were literally about to go to bed! Given how generous you are with providing lifts for family, I would be pretty upset too.

A way of life? No. Just because there are so many people on the list you can wait ten years plus to be offered one. There are currently 14000 people in my home town waiting for a council house

This also has nothing to do with immigrants. If I had had the money to buy a flat when I started work after uni I would have done it - but I couldn't afford to.

I'm really not sure what your point is. Waiting ten years for a council house isn't getting a council house ASAP. It's nothing like it.

Unfortunately the amount of rent you paid then IS relevant because when rents were lower, far fewer people stayed home. Heck, I moved out at 18 to go to Uni and never went back. Could I afford to move to London into a flat share rental straight from Uni now, absolutely not.

Getting a council place was easier, full stop.

I'm sorry those things happened to you and it sounds like you've had it tough.

However, you did imply that OP would be asked to leave if she stopped the lifts. Understandably that has got her back up and makes the relationship sound transactional, which is awful. It's such an emotive topic and we don't know enough details about how OP's parents feel about their adult children living at home. Maybe they love it. Maybe they hate it and want their own space. It's not nice to think about.

They don't sound great though - not happy to take the bus to golf, but happy for DD to wait in the dark and cold for a bus. Very selfish. But self-aware at least.

My DB lived at home far longer than I and my mum used to moan but she missed him when he eventually moved out. She also had a mortgage-free home (lucky she could buy when she did) and so any "rent" he paid made sure she could cover bills. She's the same age as OPs parents so they might be raking it in as far as we know.

I would def come get you and I’m 67 and work full time.

I mean you presumably chose to have them.

What's the matter with everyone on this thread? So many mean and unkind people!

OP I would call my husband to pick me up if a bus was delayed 45 minutes, especially in the winter. Your mum was horrible in refusing and in calling you selfish. I would definitely stop running them around so much.

I can't believe people wouldn't do this for a loved one. I would do it if a friend asked!

I can't imagine any circumstances when I would have left my daughter to wait alone, in the cold, at night, either when she was living at home or for that matter now and she has her own home and children now.

I also know that she would, (and has) give me a lift when I needed it. It is what families do.

I feel the same. I'd pick up any of my family that asked, especially as a random one off because a bus was delayed. They'd do the same for me. I can't imagine being the kind of person who would leave someone at the bus stop for an hour because I was wearing pyjamas 🙄.

I'm not sure what your way of life dig was about. I couldn't afford to buy a flat when I left uni as I was working part time in a homeless unit. I'm single and I would not have been able to buy one on my wages. Even shared ownership was too expensive and I did look into that

Lots of people live in social or council housing - for the very same reasons. They can't afford to buy. If I had had a partner then I probably would have bought. Lots of people are in the same situation. They either end up in social or private housing because they are priced out of buying.

Immigrants have nothing to do with this. I certainly don't get upset if someone who is an immigrant

gets housing. I visited asylum seekers for years. Your post was some kind of dig at me - all you aspire to is a council house - that's not and never has been the case.

If I had had a really good income or a partner who was working I would have happily bought a property. I just couldn't afford to

I'm not sure people who live in private rented accommodation often paying over the odds get quite as much judgement as people who live in council housing

I've actually aspired to quite a lot in my life as it happens. I have a degree and two post grads and I have just finished another degree (online) because I had to put work on hold as I was very unwell. I just happened to work in a line of work where I was paid peanuts for the job I did. Even as a manager - you can stick your comments quite frankly.

I just find it very odd that you criticised me for being in “subsidised” housing at home with my parents but you are justifying your subsidised housing in a council house.

I wasn't judging you for getting a council house, I was judging you for being so hypocritical.

Don’t get into it @coldabdtired, there’s no point.

Back to your issue in hand… it’s a ridiculous notion that just because you live with your parents you have to suck up all and any treatment. No, your parents didn’t need to get you. But it would have been kind. Instead they said no and even blamed you for asking… not demanding… asking… for a favour.

Yeah.. I’d be scaling back the lifts too. It’s perfectly acceptable to meet people in their energy..i

Blimey, can the bloody bickering stop already?!!! (Pretty please...) @Roobarbtwo is not living in subsidised housing. Most social housing is not subsidised, or 'free' - and the OP @coldabdtired is not being unreasonable to be miffed that her parents didn't want to pick her up because they were in their pyjamas. Just because she's not 12, her parents should still care enough to help her out if she needs it. As has been said, you don't stop caring about, and worrying about your children - even when they're in their 20s, 30s, 40s, or beyond!

People living at home with parents at 25-30 are not adult babies, (as some seem to imply,) many are not able to leave due to finances. Like another poster said, when DH and I were in our early 20s, we easily saved 20% of the value of a house, and bought a property in our mid 20s. (On 2 average wages.) Couldn't do that now!

We've all had a cross to bear, so let's stop snipping and snapping at each other. It doesn't matter who started it.

Just my opinion, don't bite me! 😬

I should not have to justify it to you or anyone else. You don't know what I pay in rent. I also have to pay bills on top on my own. Would you have the same criticisms if I were paying a mortgage or in private renting? I'm justifying myself on here because I was told to sit down because I was privileged. Nothing could be further from the truth

for context - my brother's monthly mortgage payments aren't that much more than my monthly rent. There's nothing wrong with council or social housing - it should be the norm that people can live in accommodation and not be completely rinsed in the process

I'm not justifying anything. I don't need to justify living in a council house to a complete stranger on the Internet. I just corrected a few people who seemed to think that I was privileged. Yourself included. I honestly can't be arsed going round in circles all night. Why don't you go and take aim at some of the people who have been really awful to you on here - and leave me alone

I don't even know what you pay your parents in rent. The issue wasn't about you living at home - it was about the possibility of your relationship deteriorating and them potentially asking you to leave

Im not the person egging you on to stop doing things for your parents either all because they wouldn't give you a lift last night.

Thank you. At least someone gets it

My mum lives in council housing for more or less the same reason as me. One wage and the absolute minimum in financial support from my dad when they divorced . She was actually refused council housing back in the day because she was told my dad would have priority if he came to live in our area - even though he didn't live near us. Then she was told strings would be pulled if she slept with the housing officer.

She was actually in homeless accommodation when she got her offer. I would pretty much like to see everyone who needs social or council housing be able to access it. There shouldn't be this stigma of someone having council housing used as an insult against them.

@coldabdtired these replies from other posters OP!! I don’t know why I’m shocked. MN is the pits sometimes.

for what it’s worth I’d have picked you up. I pick up my kids and although this will cause an uproar(!) my parents will still pick me up now if I need it.

Theres no entitlement or drama or any of the other hideous comments some posters have made…..we just yep each other when we need it.

I hope you warmed up and got some dinner. I dread the time when my kids try to move out. It seems so impossible. We’re lucky we have space for them to stay until they can afford it.

Oh take no notice OP, I wouldn’t even bother answering. Loads of people your age and older still live with their family. It’s ridiculous to pay private rent as high as it now if you don’t have to or need /want to . And that isn’t your generations fault at all.

I didn't tell you to sit down I told you to take your tone down because you were very rude to OP. And judgemental.

No one has criticised you for being in a council house, I agree with you and think there should be far more council housing. The issue is you are criticising OP for not moving out into her own place which is hypocritical when you did not do this yourself. So you should know how hard it is. And you were rude. You made a valid point about living at home in your late 20s can put a strain on the relationship, but it's not necessary to say this with the judgement you did.

They don't have to accommodate you. You're an adult in full time employment

Rude.

This thread is not about you! Stop hijacking it!

It's not worth arguing with some people

I'm surprised at the hard time some people have given you on here. You give lifts to your family recently, you made a one off request for a lift because of 1 off difficult circumstances and they responded badly.

You may be getting cheaper accomodation but they're your family. Presumably your rent covers any costs incurred so they're not losing out by having you at home, and in fact they gain when it comes to lifts.

I can't imagine everything refusing to pick my adult child up in a similar situation if I was able to do it. And I would expect the same from them.

For a young single person, the average waiting time for social housing in my area is over 5 years.

Most social housing is heavily subsidized by state money. Even for those who pay their entire rent from their wages and don't get any benefits, most social housing is purchased or built using significant state money that the rent does not repay. Even affordable housing that developers are required to provide mixed in with their other units to gain planning permission is subsidized by the non-social occupants. Some social housing built in more recent years is done using private finance that the association will have to pay back from rents, but it will use al rents including from subsidized housing to do that and will only have got the loan at a good rate because of that income stream of rent from subsidized housing.

This isn't to criticise those who live in social housing. It should be there. If anything it should be more heavily subsidized and more widely available. People should be able to have a home they can afford without having to choose between heating and food, etc.. It's to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with OP being subsidized by living at home.

Good lord, OP. I’m goggling at some of these harsh responses! If you were my DD then I would have bunged my coat on and driven to meet you without hesitation. And I would be happy for you to still live at home, and wouldn’t rely on you to ferry me around if I can’t be arsed returning the favour. FWIW, I got my first job at 16, left home at 18 and didn’t rely on my parents from then on. Doesn’t mean to say that I expect my own DD to do or to be the same. Times change. It’s so much harder for young folk these days compared to when I was in my 20s in the 1990s. You were perfectly reasonable to ask for a lift. Hope you’ve properly thawed out now.

No one is saying there's anything wrong with you or your mum living in social housing or being subsidized by doing so. They are pointing out that you are having a go at OP for being subsidized and that is hypocritical of you. It's not your housing situation that's the problem, it's your judging of someone else for not doing something that you couldn't do either.

The average age for moving out of the family home is much older than it used to be so I am surprised the OP is being given a hard time. She is working, has a car and helps her family out with lifts which only seems to work one way. Our daughters bought their own places in their twenties but we helped them as we were in a position to. Even though they no longer live at home they live in the same town as us and either my husband and I would help them out with lifts if needed and have done all sorts of trips like delivering forgotten lunches or wellies/pr kit to schools for grandchildren or picking up from night out or station. They do the same for us if needed. Why the dramatics that a 25 year old just politely asked (not insisted) for a favour. Then got guilt tripped from a mother who couldn’t be bothered to make a 15 minute drive. What miserable self centred people are on this thread?