AIBU to be fed up of defending my choice to use formula

[Sequinbow]

I just want a bit of a rant, I’m fed up of having to defend formula feeding my little girl. She is 5 months old and thriving 💓 she absolutely loves her bottle and it’s wonderful to feed her she’s happy and content.

but….

I’ve had a stranger tell me (whilst I was feeding my LO) ‘breast is best’ and i should try harder to breast feed. I’ve also had colleagues and other mums pointing out ‘oh you’re not breastfeeding’ when I get her bottle out and asking why im not breast feeding.

There is a lot of chat in the mums WhatsApp group about how they are beside themselves to make the decision to bring in one bottle per day of formula to top up their supply and how they need to come to terms with it etc I find myself wanting to defend formula feeding my baby. And it’s the implication that my little girl is at a disadvantage because of me, her mum.
I wonder what do they think of me if they’re so caught up with adding just one bottle of formula when I exclusively formula fed.

im really fed up of having to defend my choices and having to provide a reason for formula feeding. I feel looked down on for formula feeding my daughter x

Of course it can’t show a degree from minimal to significant because it would be unethical to create an environment where you could test.

that doesn’t mean the benefits aren’t there does it, it also doesn’t mean that anyone should be judged or made to feel a failure for not doing so

Don't be silly, there is infinite sample available to compare outcomes to. All you have to do is ask how they were fed.

Don’t be daft, you just ask how babies, infants, children and adults were fed. Nothing unethical about it, and they have done this, and tested, and the results show very minimal difference, formula is excellent. The most they think, the very most, is it may prevent the odd ear infection, but even that’s questionable. And babies get all the comfort from being held as they are fed.

id have thought it a positive there was no real health difference, no one wants formula fed babies to be damaged surely, given not all woman can breast feed. You’d want all children to have optimal nutrition.

Exactly, the fact formula is only negligibly worse than breastfeeding is a cause for celebration, not something to frantically talk down at any opportunity. I don’t really understand why facts are good when ‘it proves breastmilk is better’ but facts are suddenly bad when we talk about how much better.

Apparently the ear infection thing is because breastfeeding involves lying babies almost horizontally on their side which drains the ear

@Laptopinthelivingroom What sexualised comments? I missed these.

@Peonies12 @BuffaloCauliflower A long tine ago, but here are just a few comments I remember. 'Does he get enough from you or do you have to give top ups?' (from a stranger); 'You can't give him to someone else' (from another stranger); 'Don't you give him bottles too, to make him go longer?' (from a distant relative); 'How long are you prepared to restrict your freedom?' (from DH's aunt); 'It's ridiculous that you're still breastfeeding' (from my sister, who bottlefed); 'I don't suppose there's anything wrong with it but it seems weird' (from my brother, whose wife bottlefed); 'You should feed in private because there are young boys here' (from my mum. DH replied 'Well, they don't have to look.'

Do you have a source? I can’t really find much that has a proper study because it is difficult to create equal environments and all other factors in order to compare

It’s no one’s business what you (The baby’s mother) think is best for them. They have no place in telling you anything.

As a mum who has done both, there is no better option. They both come with pros and cons. I found that breast feeding settles baby faster whereas bottle feeding keeps baby fuller for longer. Both ways have all baby needs, there is no wrong in either.

Next time someone tries to tell you anything different, tell them to mind their own business. Your baby is thriving, happy and healthy and that’s all that matters

Nothing on this earth would ever convince me that my decision to BF my DC was wrong or the same as FF.

Being so proudly blinkered only weakens your argument

That's just defensiveness and silly considering all the published research

The published research which you have selectively read so it agrees with you

I don't eat UPF

Of course you don't

So the usual narrative is that BF women are mad, obsessed wierdos who make it their whole personalities if you dare to admit you BF.

And you are their Queen.

La Leche League thinks that breastfeeding is superior and provides research to back it up? I'm shocked to my core! Shocked I tell you!

Google is your friend if you wanted to read some research that doesn't echo chamber the outcome you want. But only if you want to, I don't want you to have to do any reflecting at all, don't strain yourself.

I watched a woman put Dr Pepper into her less than a year old baby’s bottle. I judged her. But not for using a bottle just what she put in it.
People somehow feel that baby’s are fair game to comment about. I was always told my baby needed more clothes on. They should have seen him at six walking to school in the snow shedding his jacket then his jumper - he just always ran hot and I knew he did because he’s MY baby. Just roll your eyes and keep doing what you’re doing.

It drives me crazy how much pressure is put on women to breastfeed.

My oldest is 18 now, but I still remember that we weren't told about bottle feeding at antenatal classes unless we specifically stayed behind. I was naive (and hungry having come to the class straight from work) so didn't. Fortunately, we were fine - but I feel we should be given pros and cons of breast and bottle feeding, and 'troubleshooting' for both.

Whatever your choice and reasons behind it, people will have their say. I had MIL complaining that it was a shame other people (she) couldn't feed the baby. DGM quizzed me on 'How do you know DC is getting enough milk?' And my favourite..'Do they test your milk to make sure it has all the right things in it?' Other people will have disapproval from their DGM because they are bottle feeding, but not me.

Basically, if the baby is being fed appropriately (breast / bottle ) and is thriving- that's all that is important.

My DDs are 7 and 4 now, and trust me, as they get older, nobody (including me!) thinks about how they were fed as babies. It makes you realise how unnecessarily ridiculous the BF/FF thing actually is. Fed baby. End of story IMO! Your girl sounds wonderful OP. 😃

I bottle fed DC1 and breast fed DC2. Either way there was a lot of comment and judgement. It upset me with DC1 but I was very quickly at the it's none of your business opinion when it happened with DC2. I stopped going to a mum and baby group woth DC1 because of all the negative interest in the bottle. It was the right thing to do. Good luck OP and enjoy feeding your baby, my bottle fed one is now 23 and doing masters at uni, he's absolutely fine.

Oh wow there is just so much pressure and judgement either way .
I breastfed my first but got so many comments from my mum and my MIL “ oh baby is unsettled , you don’t have large breasts so baby will be getting nothing, mine slept through because I bottle fed etc etc “
I stopped breastfeeding when baby was about 3 months because all the comments were stressing me out ( and my baby was doing fine on breast and did fine on bottles too )
The other babies I ignored the comments

Given the low rates of breast feeding in the uk, i would say the ffs, and the formula companies are winning, so not sure why so defensive op.

When I decided to use formula, marketing and profits for the formula companies didn’t come into the equation. They were not a part of my decision making process.

What does this have to do with people making FFers out to be, and feel like, terrible people?

And "winning" is such a strange view on it. Winning what exactly? The war on feeding babies?

You get just as many shitty comments for breastfeeding. “They’d sleep through if you gave a bottle” “are you sure you are producing enough” “are you still breastfeeding” “do you think you should cover up” “do you want to feed somewhere more private” “but other people won’t be able to bond with her”

I could go on.

Indeed my oldest is 19 on boxing day
Honestly nobody cares once the feeding stage is over.

Just ignore. I only briefly BF DD1 because I got mastitis and I bloody hated it anyway. I only BF DD2 in hospital for the colostrum then she went straight on to FF at home.

I honestly couldn't have given less of a shit what other people thought and judged. Though I often enjoyed a private smirk because both my DDs got into grammar school, played sport at county level and went to good universities. Whereas the off spring of the biggest BF fascist I knew.....didn't.

@JayJayj You are SO right.

You weren't told about bottlefeeding at classes? Wirh ds1 told about both but with ds 2 the midwife doing the class almost ignored breastfeeding, describing it as difficult but saying some of us might want to give it a go.