AIBU to be fed up of defending my choice to use formula

[Sequinbow]

I just want a bit of a rant, I’m fed up of having to defend formula feeding my little girl. She is 5 months old and thriving 💓 she absolutely loves her bottle and it’s wonderful to feed her she’s happy and content.

but….

I’ve had a stranger tell me (whilst I was feeding my LO) ‘breast is best’ and i should try harder to breast feed. I’ve also had colleagues and other mums pointing out ‘oh you’re not breastfeeding’ when I get her bottle out and asking why im not breast feeding.

There is a lot of chat in the mums WhatsApp group about how they are beside themselves to make the decision to bring in one bottle per day of formula to top up their supply and how they need to come to terms with it etc I find myself wanting to defend formula feeding my baby. And it’s the implication that my little girl is at a disadvantage because of me, her mum.
I wonder what do they think of me if they’re so caught up with adding just one bottle of formula when I exclusively formula fed.

im really fed up of having to defend my choices and having to provide a reason for formula feeding. I feel looked down on for formula feeding my daughter x

I haven't shared my journey here at all. I have simply stated that mothers are allowed to discuss their journey, in the same way OP has.

You could be giving your child milk from the Virgin Mary and someone would still find something to say about it…

Ignore people.

Yes, of course discussing your personal journey is fine. Saying how amazing you are because you climbed a mountain lesser mortals can't tackle isn't.

It's not projecting, it's what pps have written in black and white. That's just factual recall.

But nobody is interested in your experience or mine. Why do you need to discuss or expect others to want to hear your birth and breast feeding stories.

This is the comment I was responding to.

I had the same, I did breastfeed too, but no amount of pumping/medication would make me produce more than a few ounces, so at best I managed a bottle or two for the first few months topped up with formula. It got really wearing defending it. Was also really wearing having the sanctimonious natural birth patrol criticising my (emergency) C section whilst preening themselves on how clever they were managing a natural birth. This tearing down of other women over stuff that is a) their business b) not hurting anyone else and c) really fucking unimportant in the scheme of things, is very sad.

At the end of the day on an individual basis it doesn’t make any difference - and babies will still eat from the dog’s food bowl and as teenagers have too many McD’s and cheap beer!

Really wanted to breast feed. Managed for about 3 weeks -he was always feeding, he never seemed full but was thriving and gaining but I was cream crackered. Then developed mastitis. Health visitor said - ‘you can’t do this anymore - go on formula and don’t beat yourself up about it. ‘. She admitted that health workers push breast to the point where mums feel guilty if it’s not possible. So formula it was and he was fine.

.

I love this. I still wish someone had said this to me at any point. I ended up triple feeding on domperidone (which is quite a serious drug, can cause parkinsons symptoms) for nine long months because I couldn't forgive myself for starving him to near brain damage due to insufficient supply. Still never made enough for him, 8 pumping sessions per day 1hr each would yield maybe 200ml. Sheer insanity.

I can't wait for a time when nobody comments on how mothers feed their babies beyond 'how do you plan to feed your baby? Great, let's support you to do that'. Neutral and supportive. It's a relic of the past that women are still guilted, cajoled, forced, and shamed into feeding their baby in a way someone else thinks is best for them without knowing anything about their circumstances, health, body, or baby.

People should mind their own business. I breastfed my daughter and it was hell. She didn't sleep much, she was constantly sick, she was very clingy and wouldn't go to her dad or ganny and when she went to preschool she constantly had colds and every bug going even though we went to 4 different baby and toddler group. My mental health was terrible. She also has a few allergies.
Anyway I decided to bottle feed my son from newborn and it was the best thing for us as a family. He slept right through, put on the right amount of weight, is never sick, has no allergies and will happily got to he's dad or granny.
But I've had to constantly listen to people ask why I'm not breastfeeding him. 🫤 Like it has anything to do with some random strangers.

Some people are lucky and they and their children find breastfeeding a lot easier than others. Unfortunately these are the people you'll get commenting on how it's better.

I chose to use formula even before my son was born. I was not personally comfortable with the idea.of (me) breastfeeding and did a lot of research on which formula to use. I have absolutely no regrets. DS (now 14) was a strong and healthy baby and is thriving. He loved being bottle-fed and my husband was able to bond with him over feeding as well. Going out and about was super easy too and it worked very well for us. DS and I have always been super close.

I completely understand why people choose to breastfeed and fully respect their choice. It's just not for everyone - and why people get so judgemental about those who don't breastfeed is an absolute mystery. Surely choice is important and a happy mum is a happy baby. Fed is best.

The amount of awful comments and disparaging looks I received was incredible. An old friend was in the Breastapo Brigade and absolutely vile - she loved nothing .more than shaming anyone who used formula. As women, we should all support one another, but this issue is so divisive and I cannot understand why others felt it was OK to question my choice when my baby was clearly happy and loved. Those who formula-feed should never have to justify their decision. For some, it's by choice, but for many it's due to necessity, and therefore making someone feel judged when they may already be feeling vulnerable is really abhorrent.

@DarkPassenger1

you were put on such a harmful drug just to breastfeed??

It 100% is projecting because you’ve wilfully misinterpreted what I said in my mountain analogy just so you can be offended by it.

This whole discussion grieves me. My ‘babies’ are in their 40s now, with children of their own. What particularly dismays me is that these attitudes still prevail, 40+ years later. My kids were both bottle fed and you may find to your surprise that later on in your babies’ lives, that there are no special intelligence classes for breast fed babies. 🤦‍♀️

Oh op this was me a year ago! I was so judged but my child was losing weight and I honestly didn’t like it. I was told by some of the nct mums she won’t bond with me etc…
however I want to add - she is absolutely healthy, beautiful skin, only one cold in her 12 months, had her 12 month check in with the paediatrician last week and he was really pleased.

honestly my personal belief is the data about breastfeeding is so outdated the WHO will not even consider revising the guidelines on the basis it would be have a huge financial impact on countries who provide aid to those who couldn’t formulae feed and let’s face it women issues are never a priority. i am no expert on anything really but come from a country where mat leave was only 4 months and i was formula fed.

Honestly, I have felt the same as you before and one thing I still struggle to get my head around is the fact that with regards to medical professionals/midwives, the topic of ‘informed choice’ is so driven in to them!And yet even now, we are still being criticised and expected to justify what we’re doing (for whatever reason that may be!) and our informed choice is completely disregarded. We absolutely should not have to defend or justify what we are doing.

This argument has been going on since formula was invented! If you’re tired of defending your choice. Don't. Just dead eye anyone who thinks it’s okay to comment 😐 When my now teen DD1 was born I was advised in the hospital to mix feed from the beginning … so I did. Breast, formula, bottles of breast milk … whatever felt right at the time. They said it made weaning easier - it did but I can also imagine it was to encourage people to fuck off and mind their own business!

You can do whatever you want but it IS better for a baby to be breastfed. Formula is inferior to breast milk. I always wonder why a woman doesn’t at least try to breastfeed.

Because bodily autonomy doesn't cease to exist when a woman has a baby?

I agree with all those saying to ignore negative comments. This is such a loaded topic, as the comments on this thread reflect! I bottle fed my first and breastfed my other two. All three are bright strong healthy kids. Maternal guilt being a bottomless pit, I sometimes feel bad that I didn't bottle feed the other two (our own milk is sadly contaminated with all the toxic things around us) but also that I didn't breastfeed the first. I really enjoyed (selfishly?) that my kids were so dependent on me- letting go can be hard, and i think for many moms that's a bit triggering. You are doing what is best for you and your little girl, and formula milk is terrific, really well controlled (much more than mother's milk!), so try to ignore those comments if you can!

In nature a mother feeds its young or the young die. Breastfeeding is natural. Women can do what they want but some of us will continue to wonder why they didn’t at least try to breastfeed.

Why should we try when we prefer to use formula?

Keep doing what you are doing and ignore the negativity as best you can. I beat my self up and insisted that I expressed milk, I spent my days attached to a pump for hours with horrific PND and not bonding with my baby..just so he could drink breast milk. I remember my HV pumping milk out of my boobs whilst I sobbed. Not once did she suggest that I should stop. He still suffered with global developmental delay, he was awful at weaning and trying new foods. Breast milk was not best for me and my baby. Your happiness comes first. Remember that. For some it is a complex decision and any passing comment on how I fed my baby could have had serious repercussions.

Why would you prefer to use an inferior milk? Why should you not try to feed your child the way nature intended. Formula feeding carries a lot more risks to the health of a baby than breastmilk.

My breasts are saggy and long from breastfeeding and I dont think my 2nd child was fed enough.
Only started sleeping through the night when started on solids.
Probably because I was surviving on coffee to get through the day.
Breast is not best imo