AIBU to be fed up of defending my choice to use formula

[Sequinbow]

I just want a bit of a rant, I’m fed up of having to defend formula feeding my little girl. She is 5 months old and thriving 💓 she absolutely loves her bottle and it’s wonderful to feed her she’s happy and content.

but….

I’ve had a stranger tell me (whilst I was feeding my LO) ‘breast is best’ and i should try harder to breast feed. I’ve also had colleagues and other mums pointing out ‘oh you’re not breastfeeding’ when I get her bottle out and asking why im not breast feeding.

There is a lot of chat in the mums WhatsApp group about how they are beside themselves to make the decision to bring in one bottle per day of formula to top up their supply and how they need to come to terms with it etc I find myself wanting to defend formula feeding my baby. And it’s the implication that my little girl is at a disadvantage because of me, her mum.
I wonder what do they think of me if they’re so caught up with adding just one bottle of formula when I exclusively formula fed.

im really fed up of having to defend my choices and having to provide a reason for formula feeding. I feel looked down on for formula feeding my daughter x

Please please please let their comments roll over you and forget them.
There are any number of reasons why some women don't or can't bf, and I find it quite depressing that 99.9% of the time, its women rather than men criticising mums.

I had a shockingly bad time trying to bf dd1.
Tried cluster feeding for weeks, she'd be suckling for hours, and never seemed satisfied.
I ended up with cracked bleeding nipples, sobbing along with her.
Eventually sent my husband out for a pump, pumped for 3 hours, and ended up with about 30ml of milk, which had blood in it from my poor destroyed nipples, at which point I accepted it wasn't happening for me and moved to formula.

With dd2 I went straight to formula, didn't even entertain bf.
And out of the two of them, dd1 has eczema, allergies, is always the one to pick up bugs etc 🤷🏽‍♀️

Your child is loved, fed and cared for, anyone who has a problem with that can get to fuck.

Gosh - you’re such an amazing mother - we will all come to you for advice. The rest of us are obviously doing everything wrong.

How old are your DC’s?

It’s shocking isn’t it, that anyone would run into a thread like this, elbows out. with a struggling mother and stick the boot in.

Do you feel the same about FFers feeding journey being affected by comments like "i look down on FFers"?

As I said, not an opinion.

"Breastfeeding is better than formula," is an opinion. It varies from family to family. Not every mother/baby dyad is going to find breastfeeding to be the best option- it can be true for one family and false for another.

"The scientific consensus agrees that breast milk is a superior food source to formula for infants," is either true or false. There's not alternative versions of the truth for different people, hence it is not an opinion but a fact.

We can say, "Formula was the best/only option for me and my baby, however, I know that there are some risks associated with formula feeding and my baby and I will have missed out on some benefits in breast milk. How can I ensure the best outcomes and mitigate some of those disadvantages?"

We can't say, honestly, "There are no disadvantages to formula over breast milk.".

Yes.

We CAN say, in all honesty, that the differences are absolutely minimal, in a country with clean, reliable water supply and reliable health advice/support.

You can, but you'd be in direct opposition to the scientific consensus and every single major health organisation including WHO, NHS, AAP and also UNICEF and even formula companies themselves. It's an extremely bold claim to make and I'd expect it to be backed up by some serious qualifications in infant feeding, medicine and nutrition.

As a breastfeeder there are plenty who would look down on that choice especially as my kids got older. As they got older still the horror in some online comments that someone was still breastfeeding at 'that' age became more evident still and I felt that i couldn't freely breastfeoed out and about for fear of these attitudes which many hold including those who breastfed but to a younger age. Ultimately however long someone chooses to breastfeed for (at any duration from 0 days to 7+ years) is no-one else's business and that's what you can say to the face of anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable. 'Is that a problem for you? My daughter is happy and healthy'

No, not at all

Where is the evidence that the difference is anything more than minimal, taking account of all other variables, in the uk?

I was going to say this. I EBF and have had so many negative comments about it, like “how do you know she is getting enough”, “shes spoilt for wanting boob”, “it’s why she wakes at night…”.

@Megifer That's unfair. I breastfed and everyone thought they had a right to make negative remarks.

@Peonies12 I know what you mean. Mine are now 27 and 30 and I got the sort of remarks you describe.

I think its very fair and accurate based on my experience, that of many people I know, many previous threads on MN, and this very thread.

You can't know that since you weren't with me. Formula people don't have a monopoly on annoying remarks. I'm supportive of formula mums on this thread. A pity you can't return compliment

I never said they did have a monopoly. Please read my comments properly otherwise theres no point in replying (which is fine of course, but replying with comments that have nothing to do with the posters original comment just makes it all a bit frustrating i think).

For e.g. Im supportive of bfers, I was one, I have no idea why youre going on about returning the compliment when nothing i have said is bad against bfers as a whole, my comments are clearly aimed at the wrong uns that are militant about it.

I have a big advantage over some posters as my DC’s are now in their mid 20’s so I can look back at the decisions we made.
They only had formula - by choice. I didn’t want to try to breast feed.
Im not bothered about other people’s babies or population wide - my concern is only for my DC’s.
They are 100% healthy - only one hospital visit (DS’s badly broken leg - an accident - his fault). No allergies, food intolerances or other illnesses which apparently formula fed babies are prone to. Both have beautiful teeth (no fillings) and are a healthy weight. No shortage of intelligence - both got all A’s and 1st class degrees.
Based on the above I have no regrets in the decision to use formula. It made life easy and would recommend to anyone who asked for my opinion. I wouldn’t offer an opinion unless asked.

The NHS is pretty sure that it is.

If you want sources, you can find them via the NCT, La Leche League, Unicef, the ABM- there's lots of places you can go to find the research.

That doesn’t answer the question.

I think the poster was asking for a numerical benefit.

Show me where the nhs outlines the degree of benefit

And you will find the data on the above mentioned websites. I'm not going to summarise all the studies ever done on breastfeeding in a Mumsnet comment- there are vast quantities of it. Becoming a qualified lactation consultant or infant feeding specialist takes YEARS. Even most midwives and health visitors have only received training that covers the tip of the iceberg of the data that's available. Even very basic training up to the level I've received myself takes several months, although that was enough to satisfy me that the NHS has good reason to give the advice it does. If you want to do a course then go ahead but I can't provide one here.

I would dare anyone to question me on how I fed my babies, they would not know what had verbally hit them.

None of the data demonstrates that the benefits are anything other than min

Whoops minimal.

In the uk, adjusted for other circumstances.

Where do you think data shows there are significant / notable differences between bf and ff babies?

Health outcomes? IQ? Educational outcomes? Where?

Tell them politely it's none of there business. They don't know your life or reasons.

Don't explain why you don't. Just say I don't breastfeed for my reasons which I don't wish to discuss with you as they are personal.

If you say it assertively people will shut up, walk away or get defensive themselves. Then you can smile, change the subject if you know them and/or remove yourself.

Often with things like this it's about how you respond and body language than what you say.

People will feel if your defensive and if they are that type of person will use it to feel superior.

I formula fed. Even back then (mine are grown) I got comments.

My daughter breastfed her first. Her 2nd would not take from the breast so she had to go on bottle.

My daughter did pump but she has had comments and appropriately without telling them it's breast milk in the bottle she has told them it's none of there business, which it isn't