AIBU to be fed up of defending my choice to use formula

[Sequinbow]

I just want a bit of a rant, I’m fed up of having to defend formula feeding my little girl. She is 5 months old and thriving 💓 she absolutely loves her bottle and it’s wonderful to feed her she’s happy and content.

but….

I’ve had a stranger tell me (whilst I was feeding my LO) ‘breast is best’ and i should try harder to breast feed. I’ve also had colleagues and other mums pointing out ‘oh you’re not breastfeeding’ when I get her bottle out and asking why im not breast feeding.

There is a lot of chat in the mums WhatsApp group about how they are beside themselves to make the decision to bring in one bottle per day of formula to top up their supply and how they need to come to terms with it etc I find myself wanting to defend formula feeding my baby. And it’s the implication that my little girl is at a disadvantage because of me, her mum.
I wonder what do they think of me if they’re so caught up with adding just one bottle of formula when I exclusively formula fed.

im really fed up of having to defend my choices and having to provide a reason for formula feeding. I feel looked down on for formula feeding my daughter x

I was made to feel like crap in the hospital because I formula fed. I had a very traumatic birth & ended up in HDU off my face on drugs for 48 hours where I was virtually comatose, the only time I woke up was when a midwife was groping down my gown trying to latch ds on when it said in bold type in my birth plan that I planned to formula feed, they left ds for over 48 hours without a feed because I was unable to ask myself for a bottle & wouldn't accept my husband or mum asking for a bottle to feed ds, the poor mite was absolutely starving by the time I came round & he gulped down so much he was throwing up as much as he was taking in. From the moment I asked for a bottle the midwife's attitude to me completely changed, I got no care whatsoever, despite still being very poorly I ended up discharging myself as I knew I would get better care at home.

I really don't understand why some women have children and don't give them the best start in life by breastfeeding them. Yes it is hard work to establish breastfeeding but you have to be willing to do that hard work for your precious child. It doesn't work the first time, the second time or even 20 times after that, most women give up at this point unfortunately and say they couldn't do it or come up with some excuse.
Yes I look down on FF mothers.

Exactly.
Formula is chemical powder made in a factory, it has one aim only and that is to make the manufacturers eye wateringly wealthy. They spend millions on marketing it as a healthy alternative, they have done a spectacular job there.
Nothing will come close to breast milk. Please put your precious babies first and stop feeding them toxic junk.

I would dismiss and ignore anyone who criticises anyone’s choice as to how they feed their baby. They aren’t worth engaging with. Being supercilious isn’t a good characteristic.

Breast feeding doesn’t mean you are a better mother or have made better choices.

Some of these comments are offensive. I felt dreadful as I couldn't breastfeed, I genuinely thought my child was going to be sick and worse.

Many years on my child is super bright, very healthy, and a lovely kind child. He is the least fussy eater I know.

There are millions of decisions you will make as a parent! What to feed your baby is just one. This is one of many things you get to choose and we can't be 'perfect' or 'best' for everyone. We can just try our best and love our children!

I would say your attitude and ignorance is toxic junk more than formula.

That's your prerogative, but you are woefully ignorant on the subject.

OP I totally feel you. I struggled so much with breastfeeding and despite reaching out to all the support I could access it didn’t help (thanks Covid!). I felt the same judgement as you and the need to constantly defend my decision (if it was really a decision). I was also extremely sensitive about convos like you describe in the WhatsApp as it made me feel like I was intentionally poisoning my baby. I was hyper sensitive because of the pressure to breastfeed (thanks NCT!), the lack of support to formula feed and the associated guilt I felt. Whatever anyone says, I know people were judging me because, if I’m honest, I think I would have (because we have breast is best rammed down our throats through NCT and the likes). All I can say to you is that it will stop being a thing one day. My DD has started school now and I’ve not thought about it for ages, despite it dominating the early years. Be kind to yourself, you’re doing what works best to make you a good mum. People who haven’t been through it will probably not understand so ignore the “let it go” comments.

You are fear mongering here. New mums are already vulnerable without comments like yours - which are very exaggerated.

And here lies an example of the inaccurate dangerous scaremongering lies spread by many pro breast feeders.

Formula is the most scrutinised food on the planet that has to meet nutritional standards and is healthy and safe. Not so much for foods toddlers and children eat .Half of foods toddlers go on to eat are unscutinised UPFs and 67% of foods eaten by children areunscutinised UPFs. I’d save your concern for that as opposed to a few months of formula that serves a vital role in the nutrition of many babies.

FYI I’ve always put my children first. Breastfeeding made all of my children unwell with one ending up in SCBU. I remember the paed consultant ranting at the breast feeding pressure put on mums and the pushing of breast feeding by the midwife that had resulted in her ending up there .

It's astounding that some women here are so judgmental of other women and their choices.
One would think it's a competition ... 😵‍💫😳🙄

edited to delete previous post due to length and Google links; copy/paste couldn't be modified. 😵‍💫

Try harder.

I had friends who had mental health disorders and their medication meant they couldn't breastfeed. Others developed mental health issues after breastfeeding and turned to formula. Others couldn't breastfeeding no matter how much they tried and others may have suffered sexual assault that led them to not breastfeed.

If you're judging any of these mums and looking down on them than it says more about you and you're lack of compassion and empathy.

It is so sad reading this thread, seeing the antipathy and ignorance and in some case outright fallacies going both ways. I don’t think anyone reasonable would criticise a mother for choosing formula after trying breastfeeding and it not working for whatever reason, and it is great that formula exists and can be life saving in this context.

However I wonder if part of the reason previous and current generations of medical staff were/are so anti-formula is the memory of the 1970s Nestle Baby Formula scandal - have people on here forgotten about this? It is the reason formula is now so tightly regulated because it was borderline evil how Nestle operated, and it did at least contribute to if not directly cause thousands of baby deaths. Hooking mothers on free formula in hospitals to deliberately disrupt milk supply, sending salespersons into hospitals pretending to be milk consultants to educate new mothers from the bedside, an aggressive and expensive marketing campaign spreading fallacies about breastfeeding, not caring about the need for sanitation, targeting poor mothers who couldn’t afford formula so ended up watering down formula and so starving their babies when they were capable of breastfeeding… it’s a shocking (and well documented) history. 50 years on Nestle are still subject to stringent regulation and compliance, still under boycott, and still purportedly doing dodgy things with baby food and milk. Other companies became embroiled too.

So I wonder if that scandal and its aftermath is why some midwives etc are so anti-formula (as well as the science backing breastfeeding benefits).

As I said previously, I agree fed is best. But there’s anti breastfeeding attitude on this thread that is shocking (eg claims that breast milk is toxic) - clearly Nestles propaganda is still running rife.

Meh ... They'll start asking why she's still on bottles and not on solid food within a week or so. People just love a moan. If you EBF you get comments about bottles and formula (honestly) and that you're obsessively tied to your baby and excluding others.

There absolutely isn’t an anti breast feeding attitude just anti anti scaremongering and over inflation stance. Why on earth are you harking back to a 50 year old history of Nestle as a reason for mothers to make a parenting choice? We have regulations now and don’t have dirty water in this country. When I make all my parenting choices I don’t base them on 50 year old history that has little bearing on what’s best for my children now.

Posters on this thread had their comments deleted for calling people that breastfeed incestuous and using 🤢 emojis.

And those of us who chose to use formula (never tried to breast feed) are criticised for being selfish, bad mothers and not putting their babies first.

I can see that too. I was replying to a poster that said 'there absolutely isn’t an anti breast feeding attitude just anti anti scaremongering and over inflation stance.'

It isn't a battle that you need to pick a side on. By defending those vile comments by saying'yeah but' you are part of the problem.

I don't understand why some women come on here and say downright stupid, goady, things. To do the best for your precious DC in the long term, teach them to be more open and kind than you are.

You do what is right for you and your baby, a baby needs a relaxed, content cared for mum more then it needs to be breastfed.
I am way past this stage and tbh wonder what all the fuss was about. I think the fundamental issue is people are judgy d**kheads. It will be breast or formula now, then jars or homemade food then sahm or creche, what age you toilet train, how many words has your kid got, when did they start to walk, and on it goes. Why can't people just be happy with their choices about how to raise their child without the weird need to judge others? Do they need to make someone else feel like crap or a failure in order to feel they are a good mum? Honestly why do people care how another mum feeds their baby?

ONE poster.

There have been far more posts from goady, horrible posters trying to make FFers feel like shit. Proving ops point beautifully and doing a fantastic job of also proving there is far more negativity towards FF than BF, despite how loud some BFers whinge and cry that they are the ones made to feel awful. That is simply not true. Its almost like they want to feel marginalised so they can crow about how they still carried on in the face of adversity. Its embarrassing and pathetic that grown women are posting some of the absolute piles of shit ive seen.

Do you often advertise that you're a bellend or is today a special occasion?

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 very well said.

OP I breastfed my youngest 3 babies for 2.5 years each, exclusively without formula, and only breastfed my oldest child for the first 6 weeks.... they are completely identical in health, bond and intelligence. Relax, don't defend yourself just sit quietly in the knowledge you did what was best for you!