AIBU to be fed up of defending my choice to use formula

[Sequinbow]

I just want a bit of a rant, I’m fed up of having to defend formula feeding my little girl. She is 5 months old and thriving 💓 she absolutely loves her bottle and it’s wonderful to feed her she’s happy and content.

but….

I’ve had a stranger tell me (whilst I was feeding my LO) ‘breast is best’ and i should try harder to breast feed. I’ve also had colleagues and other mums pointing out ‘oh you’re not breastfeeding’ when I get her bottle out and asking why im not breast feeding.

There is a lot of chat in the mums WhatsApp group about how they are beside themselves to make the decision to bring in one bottle per day of formula to top up their supply and how they need to come to terms with it etc I find myself wanting to defend formula feeding my baby. And it’s the implication that my little girl is at a disadvantage because of me, her mum.
I wonder what do they think of me if they’re so caught up with adding just one bottle of formula when I exclusively formula fed.

im really fed up of having to defend my choices and having to provide a reason for formula feeding. I feel looked down on for formula feeding my daughter x

Serious repercussions? Such as ?

In nature, sometimes a mother eats its young. I don't care that it's natural, I didn't want to do it so I didn't.

I'm not offended, so that's a blow for you. You wrote what you wrote, it was pretty unsubtle - this is on you.

I don’t think anyone really cares that much about anyone else’s baby tbh. Not wanting to breastfeed is a valid reason. I wish more women just said they don’t want to do it than make up excuses. No one really cares!

I hadn’t considered the eating of one’s young but that’s a valid point.

Just don’t reply . I BF all off mine and my last I had to bottle fed much earlier than the other and the guilt was huge .
you do you and others will do them

It makes no difference in the long run. What makes the difference is the child's diet and living conditions not whether they were bf.

People should not be directly commenting on your feeding choice. It’s rude and you certainly can’t go back and change it is pointless.

Women who want to breastfeed exclusively deserve support. It can take effort to get past problems. If they need help avoiding formula supplementation, they should be able to ask for it without having to worry about someone else’s feelings.

Just to note: they probably don’t need to add a bottle in. There are a lot of misconceptions about milk supply unfortunately.

I was told to add a bottle by a doctor and then told by a feeding specialist that I didn’t need to.

Don’t let that one person bother you.

Yeah I wrote an analogy. You clearly either misinterpreted it for outrage or just don’t understand how analogies work. If someone tells you about a marathon they’ve run is your response to take that as a slight that you don’t run marathons? That was literally the point I was making.

If you read all my posts you’ll see I haven’t been putting down people’s choices for their babies, whereas your attitude towards breastfeeding mums comes across as pretty unpleasant. That’s on you.

I was under perinatal psychiatric care and only just managing. Despite looking after my baby I was harming myself. Negative judgment from others supported my reasons to self harm. Which resulted from a lack of ability to breast feed. If I had chosen to
bottle feed and had a comment like the one made to OP, I’m not sure what I may have done to myself. I have never written this down, I understand this is extreme and maybe not relevant and I’m sorry. I felt something whilst reading the original post, and found myself typing.

People can believe whatever they want but keep your opinions to yourself. There are many reasons why mothers use formula and no one knows each individuals circumstances. So think whatever you want but no need for anyone to voice their opinions on a mother.

I noticed those who said it to me were mostly in the 60s age bracket. I never had people my own age say it.

@Crochetandtea

because a woman’s body is still her own, regardless of whether she is a mother or not. Some women simply do not want to, and that is fine

If you go to anywhere with children i challenge anyone to point out the breast fed v formula fed children.

There are many reasons why a mother doesn't breast feed. I would never criticise anyone for their choices. Both mine were bottle fed and thrived.

This is why some women struggle on with breast-feeding for so long when they, for example, just don't produce enough milk to satiate the baby. One of my friends almost had a breakdown about having to continue breastfeeding (because she wasnt producing enough milk), until her husband said enough. You can't do this any more and bought bottles and formula.

YANBU. You know what's best for your baby - and that's being fed and looked after by a happy mum.

It's interesting how things change. My children were breast fed but started weaning at 16 weeks, 14 weeks and 8 weeks (youngest was 10 lbs born). I fed the oldest for 7 months and the others for around 4. That wasn't unusual 30 to 40 years ago.They are all fit and healthy, no difference between them and my friends' bottle and breast feeding. They have no allergies, are rarely ill and are slim and active at 32 to 42 years old. I think we all worry too much.

It's not an opinion. Facts don't care about feelings.

I'm a midwife and I can tell you the best baby is a fed baby. No other buggers business!

I'm one of 3. Our mum had no intention in breastfeeding any of us, it wasn't really the thing back then (I was on baby rice in a bottle when I was 2 weeks old!). We all thrived. I breast-fed my DD until she was 6 months old, would have gone on longer but I had to go back to work and pumping didn't work for me. I (stupidly) assumed that DS would be breast-fed until around 1...I managed a week! He didn't latch on properly, my nipples nearly fell off and were oozing pus, he was constantly hungry so I put him on formula (despite all the guilt from the midwife). Best thing I did. My kids are adults, you'd not know which one had more breast milk. So you do you. As long as your baby is fed and loved, that's all that matters. People will try to make you feel shit, no matter what you do.

Someone actually criticising you is out of order.

With mums discussing bf and introducing a bottle, it's not a criticism of you. But it can be so emotional for mums whatever they choose - if they have a choice - and it is a big decision.

DD are 11 and 13 now. I couldn't fully bf so I mixed fed (both at every feed), which was so unusual, no midwife had any advice for me. It was in a way the worst of both worlds as I had the hassle of bottles but still couldn't leave dd with anyone, however, I was happy with my decision and didn't feel judgement.

I know I felt a pang when friends said how much they loved bf and one said it was the best thing she had done in her life, BUT it was about their mothering, their baby, and not to be taken personally.

I CHOSE to formula feed and didn't even attempt to breastfeed... Imagine the shit I got!!

I had one midwife in the unit walk away the day after I had him and refuse to get me a bottle! Literally walked off when I asked and never returned (and no she didn't forget or was busy) she made it very clear she didn't agree

To be honest I ignored the lot of them. People will try and make you feel bad and tell you you Must know all the scientific backing etc etc

I just smiled and said well.. That's my choice, so good job we live somewhere I'm allowed to make those choices!!

@Crochetandtea
I didn't even try. Didn't want to. Can't stand a bra touching my breast skin so no way would I have wanted to feed. Maybe you have the same opinion that one of the midwifes had which is that I shouldn't have had a child if I wasn't even going to try 🤷
Well I didn't and now have a 5ft 11 incredibly healthy 14 year old
He drained a whole bottle within hours of being born (staff were certain we'd tried it to see what it tasted like, we didn't, he had the lot and never stopped) so never struggled with his food despite being still really slim

Still not outraged, sorry - or whatever it is you want to accuse me of next.

If you want to talk to everyone about how pleased you are with yourself then you go ahead I guess. Everyone needs their validation from somewhere. Just don't expect everyone to think you're as amazing as you do. But well done you, have a gold star.

By the way, I breastfed all of mine.