AIBU to be fed up of defending my choice to use formula

[Sequinbow]

I just want a bit of a rant, I’m fed up of having to defend formula feeding my little girl. She is 5 months old and thriving 💓 she absolutely loves her bottle and it’s wonderful to feed her she’s happy and content.

but….

I’ve had a stranger tell me (whilst I was feeding my LO) ‘breast is best’ and i should try harder to breast feed. I’ve also had colleagues and other mums pointing out ‘oh you’re not breastfeeding’ when I get her bottle out and asking why im not breast feeding.

There is a lot of chat in the mums WhatsApp group about how they are beside themselves to make the decision to bring in one bottle per day of formula to top up their supply and how they need to come to terms with it etc I find myself wanting to defend formula feeding my baby. And it’s the implication that my little girl is at a disadvantage because of me, her mum.
I wonder what do they think of me if they’re so caught up with adding just one bottle of formula when I exclusively formula fed.

im really fed up of having to defend my choices and having to provide a reason for formula feeding. I feel looked down on for formula feeding my daughter x

Breast is every bit as good as formula. I fed for 20 months and then 22 and my breasts aren't saggy. Whether breasts sag depends on reaction to pregnancy hormones, as well as whether you wear a supporting maternity bra day and night in pregnancy as well as a supporting nursing bra day and night while feeding. Sometimes women who have never breastfed and who have taken above precautions still end up with saggy boobs. If your 2nd child grew normally he/she was fed enough. Many factors influence their sleep. Mine both slept from young age but my milk wasn't any better than any other.

Why are you pretending that multiple posters did that? It was one poster.

No they don't but people should care about feelings and keep their unwanted opinions to themselves and stop criticising mums who for whatever reason are not breastfeeding

You shouldn't say breastfeeding is hard work. For many of us it's easy, although you can easily mess it up or have it messed up for you if you get poor advice. Occasionally it's difficult, and well done to those who stick with it, but you'll put some expectant mothers off trying with posts like this and others will go into it expecting it to fail, a self fulfilling prophecy. Also, every mother has the right to bottlefeed if she wants..

The original poster sequinbow has long gone and this shit show continues.

Don’t stress it, there has always been breast feeding zealots, some women love to judge other women to make themselves feel superior.

i bottle fed mine, she’s a happy thriving young adult now.

Some women judge other women. Bottle fed, extended breast, it’s about them not you, ignore it.

worsf comment I had was feeding my baby on the maternity ward and a mid wife said to me that she assumed I wasn’t breast feeding as I didn’t want my breasts to go saggy, just out the blue, no lead up to it, no discussion, she just walked up, looked at me, and blurted it out. it was the first time I’d even encountered this woman. She knew nothing about me. Never even met me. My husband was there, and we just stared open mouthed at her in silence. She then turned on her heels and scuttled away like the piece of shit she was.

@Procrastinatrixx It was widely reported at the time - around the year 2000 if I remember correctly - that breastmilk had toxins. However it was stressed that despite this, breastfeeding was still the best choice. Not surprising, really, because there are toxins throughout the food chain. There must surely be toxins in cows' milk, and that's what formula is. Of course, the anti breastfeeding lot jumped on this with glee.

If the comment (and hopefully poster!) hadn't been deleted there would have been pages of similar comments by others, as that is usually the case on these threads. My comment was in response to someone saying that absolutely didn't happen here, we are both in agreement that that statement is untrue. There is plenty of hate for breastfeeding mothers on this forum and in society, just because you ignore it or agree with it doesn't mean it is untrue. Stop gaslighting women!

One of my babies much preferred the shape of the nipplle on the bottle to mine. She caused my nipples to crack and so much pain. Next baby suckled in a completely different way. You know what best suits you and your baby . I’d be furious if questioned so condescending, so matronising. Just give them an frowny shake of the head. It’s just rude.

Gaslighting like making out more than one poster made that comment you mean? 🤔

There might be very small amounts of "hate" towards BFing, but its nowhere near the scale towards FF and IME its normally in retaliation to an absolute militant BF weapon posting something they know will kick off 🙄

To add, I really don't feel sexualised comments of any other form of early years would be minimised or tolerated in the way they are with regards to breastfeeding. It is utterly repulsive.

Our opinions and experiences are clearly vastly different. I would simply ask that you respect and support everyone whatever their feeding journey may be.

Well, that comment wasn't tolerated.

I BF til DS was 2. The only negative comment I had was from someone who also BF and asked me if I was doing it for me or DS.

Nothing on this earth would ever convince me that my decision to BF my DC was wrong or the same as FF.
Thats just defensiveness and silly considering all the published research
Of course the benefits are on an epidemiological level and challenging people to pick out the BF/FF child is ignorance although having said that my dentist spotted it immediately !
Absolutely its vital in a civilised society that alternatives to BF are available but choices are being made within a marketing structure that has undermined women and BF for decades.
Formula is an UPF , a heavily marketed product.
I dont eat UPF, why would I feed my child that as a first choice?
Marketing it as the same as BM?
Gaslighting on a population level
So the usual narrative is that BF women are mad, obsessed wierdos who make it their whole personalities if you dare to admit you BF.
Misogyny rules

Why?
To make money

Its as simple as that

I've seen that poster be allowed to make the same comment on multiple threads. Whilst it is deleted they are not removed from the site. It is being minimised by many posters now. I think if someone made sexualised comments regarding a bottle fed baby, noone woukd aupport the comment and the poster would rightly be reported to the authorities.

Oh give over and calm down.

nonone needs to beleive the scientists. You do you.

Sorry i have no idea why you've made that comment towards me, nothing i have said indicates i care how someone elses baby is fed, because I honestly couldnt care less.

Kindest and most sensible comment I’ve seen on this

Yeah. GP gave me it off-licence. They did warn me of the risks. I was so ashamed and heartbroken and determined to right my wrongs as a mother I would have done absolutely anything. It was scary. People don't realise the incredibly dangerous consequences of the breast is best ideology.

Again it was one poster. I dont disagree there will be others but they will be vanishingly small numbers.

Posyers who continue to make comments that get deleted are banned too.

Best to ignore idiots like that. Similar to wild anti FF posters, of which there are many, they are doing it to derail a thread and cause it to kick off because they are pathetic losers. Ignore ignore ignore.

Ironically my baby was very, very poorly due to ebf. I remember the neonatal nurse showing me a graph and gently warning us that if things didn't improve soon, he would likely be brain damaged. I didn't make enough milk and nobody would believe me.

Which goes to show, breast might be best for some babies, for others ebf can be fatal.

They do realise, they just dont care about the mother.

Im sorry you experienced that but im not surprised. The pressure to BF above all else and they way people are generally treated if they FF is absolutely shocking.

@DarkPassenger1

I’m so sorry you were subjected to that 💐
It angers me so much that women’s lives are valued so little.

@Fuckoffeasypeelers

yes, yes, you are superior, you are the best mother, we are not worthy, blah blah

As I say, that poster has made these comments on other threads in the past and has commented on threads today so I don't think these comments are taken seriously by Mumsnet and I believe Mumsnet would act differently if the comments weren't in relation to breastfeeding.

But you are right that it is best to ignore. But at the same time, I wouldn't want these views to be left unchallenged and it affect someones breastfeeding journey or for those views to be seen as acceptable, because they are vile. I was simply replying to a post that stated these things do not exist, they do.