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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should self employed husband be able to care for three kids for a weekend?

309 replies

Plasey · 10/12/2025 01:38

Husband is self employed and I am a SAHM. The division of labour is very clear cut in our marriage. Dh does help with the house/kids when he is not working. Whilst I do my best to make sure husband is supported in his business. I think I am a lot more flexible than many would be in my situation. DH’s business is hugely stressful for him. The industry DH works is in a weird place and he’s feeling it. Especially as he has 50+ staff who rely on him. Luckily I have siblings without children and my parents to help me out.

I want to go on a weekend away with some friends. Normally I would send my two youngest to my sister/BIL and the oldest to my parents. But I’ve thought, “no I want the kids to be with their dad for the two days I am away”. He’s their father after all and they are very well behaved.

its caused a bit of an issue. Dh is worried he will have to go into work and he will be left up shits creek if that were the case. Dh doesn’t often go away for recreation at the weekends but when he does I’m not shipping the kids out.

It has become a matter of principle. Am I being unreasonable?

Dh doesn’t see why we can’t do what we always do ie get help from my family.

OP posts:
schoolfriend · 10/12/2025 20:22

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/12/2025 18:49

I would say he should be on call for the weekend but he can call your parents if there’s a genuine emergency.

This seems like a sensible and proportionate solution.

weisatted · 10/12/2025 20:31

schoolfriend · 10/12/2025 20:21

it’s easy to say ‘he’s not parenting his kids!’ (It doesn’t sound like that’s the case from what the OP has said) but things are complicated by her DH running his own business. The whole family presumably benefits from that so the real questions is; would it be detrimental for him to not be able to attend work for a weekend (even in the event of an emergency)? Or is he just opting out of childcare?

Well the OP has said that he manages to take weekends off work for things he wants to do. So it clearly isn't detrimental.

It is just that looking after his children isn't something he wants to do.

schoolfriend · 10/12/2025 21:39

weisatted · 10/12/2025 20:31

Well the OP has said that he manages to take weekends off work for things he wants to do. So it clearly isn't detrimental.

It is just that looking after his children isn't something he wants to do.

Show quote history

Yeah but self employed people can obviously make themselves unavailable any time, the question is, at what cost? The Op talks about him making arrangement when he goes away, or when they go away as a family. It’s not a case of can he? But rather is it good for all of them if he does? It didn’t seem sensible to me for family to take care of the kids all w/e ‘just in case’ but to arrange some contingency seems reasonable for everyone.

weisatted · 10/12/2025 21:46

schoolfriend · 10/12/2025 21:39

Yeah but self employed people can obviously make themselves unavailable any time, the question is, at what cost? The Op talks about him making arrangement when he goes away, or when they go away as a family. It’s not a case of can he? But rather is it good for all of them if he does? It didn’t seem sensible to me for family to take care of the kids all w/e ‘just in case’ but to arrange some contingency seems reasonable for everyone.

Show quote history

I think what is really problematic to me is that the DH's clear view - and this is an important principle the OP should make a stand on - is that the kids aren't his responsibility to look after. That if the OP isn't there, other women should deal with them.

It isn't that he has considered and rejected the idea of organising things so that he can look after his own children, he just thinks her family should be the default over him

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 10/12/2025 22:08

Naunet · 10/12/2025 08:45

Oh please, HE DECIDED TO HAVE CHILDREN, they are HIS responsibility. How do you think they feel knowing their dad would rather dump them on female relatives all weekend just because he supposedly can't delegate at work properly for a single weekend? That he never prioritises them, never spends time with them alone?

Edited
Show quote history

All he and the OP have to do as per previous post, is organise a back up plan, so if he does get called in there is something in place. That way she can go away and he can look after the kids without panicing about cover. They have both been unreasonable not to have figured this out.

Not all small businesses allow for delegation depending on the structure. Running then is like living on a perpetual knife edge. He and the OP jointly decided (one assumes) to have kids and that she would give up work. This does have consequences

mindutopia · 10/12/2025 22:12

Of course, he can. 😂 My Dh is a company director. He is our sole income at the moment as I have cancer, but normally I do work. He’s never not been able to look after the dc on his own. I’ve been to Australia for 2 weeks. All over Europe on solo holidays. To America. I go on holiday and leave him home for a week usually once a year or more. We have never had any help. He’s a very successful entrepreneur. He’s built a company from the ground up that’s now hugely profitable. He is perfectly capable of doing the school run and homework and cooking meals without me there.

schoolfriend · 10/12/2025 22:28

weisatted · 10/12/2025 21:46

I think what is really problematic to me is that the DH's clear view - and this is an important principle the OP should make a stand on - is that the kids aren't his responsibility to look after. That if the OP isn't there, other women should deal with them.

It isn't that he has considered and rejected the idea of organising things so that he can look after his own children, he just thinks her family should be the default over him

Show quote history

Are the kids going to other women? Or other couples? That’s how I read it. Either way, I agree it’s not (in principal) the OP’s job to be responsible for childcare at all times just because she’s a SAHM but it doesn’t seem unreasonable to organising back up if needed given the OP will ultimately benefit from his successful business too.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 11/12/2025 13:32

Lidre · 10/12/2025 13:04

You are absolutely entitled to make your choice, with the compromises it will require, but it's unclear why you're being so difficult about this weekend.

Show quote history

I don't get the impression OP is "being so difficult" about this weekend. She'd just like her DH to parent their children. For a weekend. FFS.

edited to fix typo

Purpleturtle45 · 13/12/2025 07:54

I have 3 kids and my husband is self employed. He is more than capable of looking after our 3 kids for the weekend and would take great offence to any suggestions otherwise.

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