£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

[ClypoClimb]

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP I am sad for you, I would be gutted with this too. What a shit father and man he is to go back on his word and let you and his own children down like that.

Please don't go into debt for Christmas. Of course you want to give your children gifts they want but putting them on a credit card Klarna is not the answer and not the way to start the new year.

Is their Dad one of those guys who think teenagers survive on air and can wear knitted grass clothes. Does he think you are being frivolous with his money - squandering it on heating bills and nail salons? Could you contact him again and ask him to buy at one item for each child say the keyboard (link the Amazon page) and the vinyl record player. He can pay for them, put them on a credit card, Klarna - not you.

I would talk to them beforehand, so there is no drama on Christmas morning.

Try world of books for good quality 2nd hand books they also have a deal on at the moment.
You haven't done anything thing wrong, just be honest with them and enjoy christmas together doing fun things like card games walks etc.
Similar happened to me when my children were younger, and we have some great memories of those make do christmases

£100 per child is fine. That's what i do and think that's fine.

Is Klarna an option for the piano? I tend to use that as its such a short term debt.

Explain it, get something with half the money, and the suggest saving the rest to look for a second hand keyboard - we got ours for about 50EUR from a parent at my kids school, it would be worth putting feelers out on facebook/parents groups - people often have stuff like that this that they've just not thought of selling yet.

£100 really is fine - I've rarely spent more than that each on my two, and they're both fine with it - it's a 50 quid main prezzie of some sort, then 50 EUR of smaller bits/bobs, plenty to open.

You don't have to buy everything on the list. DD gave us a list of about 5/6 items. She is getting 2 of them because that's what we budgeted for.

I’d use clearpay for the record player, beauty bits and/or trainers if I really had to. This is Mumsnet though where anyone would be lucky to get a walnut and a jigsaw.

By 15 ans 17 you can speak to your children and make them aware of the situation, there's really no need to feel bad, it isn't like you have a 6 year old asking santa for something specific you can't afford. You have 2 young adults who should understand by now you are a struggling single parent. They aren't going to get £300 worth of stuff, it isnt the end of the world.

I have sent you a Pm

Surely dad can contribute SOMETHING?! At least 1-2 presents per child? What a loser!
he remembers now that it’s Christmas and he has no money? Get him to send you money.

OP I’ve just had a quick search on Vinted and can see some of the items you are looking for on there. Have you had a look? You can really get some bargains.

Including quite a few pianos at reasonable prices but not sure if it’s the correct one you are looking for.

https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/7717518809-crossley-portable-record-player

https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/7734539280-polaroid

https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/5881840325-polaroid-supercolor-635-camera-vintage-instant-camera-not-tested-with-case

https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/7732017050-oyayo-folding-88-key-piano

Have a look on FB market place for electric piano. I sold one on there not long ago for around £50. There were loads on there when I sold ours. So many on there are practically unused as kids think they want to learn the piano but then not willing to practice (well that’s how it went with my kids anyway!).

I may have an unused vinyl record player in my basement. An unwanted gift for my husband a couple of years ago. I’ll go down later and see if it’s still there. If it is I’ll DM you as you would be welcome to it for free.

I’m sorry he’s let you & the kids down OP, that’s really shit, especially this close to Christmas when you don’t really have the gift of time to try and get some extra money together yourself.

I can understand people saying £100 is a lot of money still, and it is, but for teenagers £100 really doesn’t stretch very far so I totally get where you are coming from OP.

I would try to maximise the budget as much as you can by looking second hand as others have said, and see if you can find any deals. Are they specific about what “beauty stuff”, as in a brand, or is it just “skin care” or “make up”? If it’s general stuff then I’d have a look at the offers Boots do 3 for 2 so you could save a bit there, or keep an eye on their £10 Tuesday deals as there can be some great bargain’s there.

Do the trainers have to be a particular brand, or is it just a “look”? For example the New Balance trainers are expensive, but if it’s the look of them rather than the brand she’s bothered about then places like PLT have some that look very similar for a fraction of the cost (and they currently have a sale on).

Polaroid camera, have a look on Vinted, there are some on there ranging £10-30, quite a few so definitely worth a look.

Ask their dad to contribute a smaller amount if he can’t afford £200 each, or can he buy them both a few presents?

Keep checking FB marketplace (unfortunately it’s quite close to Christmas now) or vinted.

If not I’d tell them the truth and they can prioritise what they really want.

Have you asked on fb for a keyboard etc? I advertised mine a few years ago and it was snapped up within the hour by a friend whose child was learning. Complete with stand and original box

OP I hear you. It’s harder now as you thought you had the higher budget and allowed them to write lists etc- had you known you’d have £100 budget you would have approached it differently and now you have to go back to them to discuss which makes it really hard.
I also agree that £100 is limited and £300 isn’t crazy especially for teens. We don’t go made but I’d really struggle to get my kids decent stuff for £50 to be honest and im inpressed people do! Mind you its a lot cheaper for small kids to get cheap bulky items.
I wouldn’t get into debt unless you can easily pay it off but instead sit with them and say this is the budget, I am happy to spend it on whatever you want but tell me what to prioritise/what are you happy to have 2nd hand etc.

I realize you said you are rural, but do you have a Buy Nothing group on Facebook for your area?

You can put out requests; someone might have a digital piano sitting around and be willing to give it.

To me, a vinyl record player AND a Polaroid camera AND trainers is a lot. I'd get the record player and the trainers; the camera is a novelty item that soon loses its charm, plus the film (or whatever it's called) is expensive.

Check with your ex if he can contribute anything at all.

Talk to the girls, explain the budget is tighter than you thought and ask them to prioritise what they would really want.

Look on FB marketplace, ebay and vinted for second hand stuff.

If no luck, can you save and get some of the things in the new year? Give them some IOU vouchers instead and see if any come up in the sales/you can save some money for some of the bits.

is your DD after specific beauty items OP? I have a couple of makeup bits I won’t use from an advent calendar that I’m happy to send, Revolution type brands. I’ll only be sending them to the charity shop otherwise

It’s a bit late but have tried vinted ? I sell all DDs old clothes, trainers on there and it’s really easy to do and can easily make £50/£100. You can get a little money for old phones and tech too. You might be able to find a few things they want on vinted too I always check there before buying new, some items are new with tags just cheaper. I got DDs beauty bits Black Friday saved a lot there but again might be a little late. You are not failing them at all it’s hard being a single mum, and they are old enough to understand too so ask them to prioritise then work from there xx

Op can you ask them to rate what they really want ?

It's not so bad honestly also my DD works one day a week and has several thousand saved up over the year. Your DD must be making ok money surely ?

What about some small bits and pieces for them to open and enjoy and then £50 each to save up for what they want?