£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

[ClypoClimb]

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

Is there nothing he can give even if it was £100. I get how upset you are. No advice but to say your feelings are justifiable

At those ages I’d just tell them the truth? I feel like £100 per child as a single parent is quite good, that’s normally what I do with DD, considering all the food etc also falls on me. She’s never complained or implied it’s not enough.

You could also tell them if they’d prefer to just do some minor bits and wait for the sales? They start right after.

Just adding to my other post, I don’t know what the right keyboard is but for example on Amazon they have ones that also do interest free for 5 months.
eg
savings -15% £127.48

RRP: £149.99 RRP: £149.99
Or £25.50 /month (5 months)

I’d be honest. Tell them their dad isn’t contributing and give them £100 cash each in a stocking with cheap lovely bits to open.

They can decide what to prioritise and get it in the sales. It would be gutting if you got it just a bit wrong and you already feel bad.

There are digi pianos on vinted too OP within your budget, I’ve been looking for my DD

You should talk to them and explain the situation so that they can decide what they want to do. We knew the Christmas present budget as teenagers, so we asked within that budget. The older one might prefer the cash towards the piano she wants seeing as she is earning some money. The younger one might desperately want the Polaroid but be less bothered about the trainers knowing there’s less in the pot than expected. Your kids might even find second-hand things to make it go further. Don’t go into any sort of debt though. It’s not setting a good example to them.

I just put presents on my credit card and worry about it after. Obviously I don’t go mad and pay it off asap and know I’ll stick to paying it off and not staying in debt.

I would just buy them some nice bits and bobs for £30 and give them £70 each to save and put towards these larger items. They can choose the trainers OR the camera, etc. If your eldest wants the piano that badly she can save her earnings and any other Christmas or birthday money she gets to put towards it.
They’re old enough to realise that you're on a tight budget and just don’t have hundreds to spare.

This isn’t sensible advice. If OP could afford it she would have saved it already. Christmas isn’t a surprise to anyone. Nobody should be getting into debt to pay for Christmas.

They’re old enough for you to be completely honest with them. Just say something like “money’s tight this year, let’s all have a think how we can make Christmas fun in other ways.” Maybe spend money doing something a bit different and special and just do little charity shop gifts so you all have something to unwrap.

You might find your teens care less about presents that you imagine.

I think you need to be honest - my budget is £100. Dad said he had a budget too but maybe isn’t able to contribute now. Please ask for the thing you want most from me and another gift from dad but bear in mind he may not be able to purchase it.

OP try Vinted, even for the piano. There's all sorts of stuff on there even though people mostly associate it with clothes. Might be cutting it a bit fine but you never know.

Teens don't need to have £300 spent on them. I think it's this expectation that is the issue. I give mine £150 budget for main gift plus a little stocking and both teens are perfectly happy. Don't feel bad just tell them their Dad is no longer contributing so they only have £100 each. They can let you know their priorities.

This will trigger a message from MNHQ.

Not everyone is who they say are on the internet.

No offence to the OP, she has come for advice only.

Is there still such a thing as an Argos card where you pay off a thing gradually? Think they do keyboards etc. There's no interest when you pay within the agreed period - is that do-able? Debt isn't great when you're skint I know, but could you afford to pay back £50 a month?

I get you are disappointed but 100 is still a decent budget imo. It’s what I am spending on mine and I don’t feel bad at all.

I have only ever been able to afford to spend £50-60 per child. I'm just very up front about what the limit will be and they choose within that - or they can ask for the cash so they can supplement it with their own money etc. I've never felt they have missed out. In fact, I've been gobsmacked looking at threads like these at how much money/how many gifts people fret isn't enough. It's their dad's fault, not yours, that they aren't getting more. But they are still getting a good amount. I remember when my kids got second-hand bikes for Christmas and others in the same town had £1000 mountain bikes - turned out those parents were in massive debt - so never compare your situation with those who seem to have more - as there is often more to the story. Be proud you can give them what you can and that you are a stable, loving parent - because that is priceless.

My sister and I got one main present at Christmas and a few bits under the tree. That was it. There was a stict limit and we had to choose it from one shop where our mother could pay off it. We were told the family financial situation in no uncertain terms and we just got on with it.

I would give them £100 each in cash and allow them to source their own gifts. They can look on Amazon, Ebay and Vinted. There is an old saying about cutting your coat according to your cloth. In later life they will appreciate the value of money.

Talk to them and ask them to prioritise, also keep an eye out on Vinted/ebay/fb marketplace.

I always made lists for Christmas/birthdays but they were always just ideas for people. I never expected to get everything on them? Part of the fun was opening gifts not knowing which I had been bought. I’m not sure where this expectation has come from but perhaps you could help reframe their wish lists as just ideas?

Please don't feel bad. £100 per child is fine-they're old enough they can maybe discuss options with you for getting it cheaper, sometimes on local websites things will be on offer. Due to circumstances I won't go into here, at times my family was really hard up and couldn't give me anything-I had to give the money I earned from my pt job to my family, and I never felt anything but love and respect for what my parents could do for me. The fact mum chose to ice a cake the way I liked it, sticking up my favourite things on the wall, playing my favourite song-this is what kids remember.

At 17 and 15 they know the value of money and that Father Christmas doesn’t come to people their age. Just tell them the truth

Similar to another poster here but I wouldn't have ever asked my parents for a Polaroid camera, at any age 😳 my parents spent £50-60 at Christmas and I only really got one pressie and that was it. Usually makeup or something like that. £100 is a lot of money!!

My kids had several Christmas' with literally no gifts, we have Sally Ann food parcels too. They were amazing and managed fine, they speak fondly of those Christmas's now too.

Kids are not stupid. They know the challenges as they live them too.

Their Dad has really moved the goalposts here. I think better to explain the situation, get them lots of nice stocking things and save for the bigger items next year. Better to have more to open in my opinion than just one big thing.

I contribute to a local Christmas fund. Whilst I sympathise with the OP, I'd be pissed off if I found it was being given to people who "only" have £100 per child!

I also really don't think getting into debt (credit card/klarna) over some Xmas presents is a good idea!

Go back to your existing and ask him to contribute something, if it's not the full amount it at least helps. Then be honest with your kids. They are old enough to understand money doesn't grow on trees and just need realistic expectations to avoid a let down on the day.

Don't feel bad about it, these things happen, it's not your fault, it's just the way it be.