£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

[ClypoClimb]

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

Op lives rurally. Jobs for 17 year old might be quite thin on the ground and hard to get to.

Op I liked the suggestion up-thread of getting a few things - maybe some of the books and giving the rest as cash so that they can put it towards the keyboard.

I picked one up second hand and later realised we could add a pedal. It will just be a case of waiting until something suitable comes along and it's a shame to spend that money on stuff for the sake of it, only to not be able to get the piano for a long time.

I was younger than that and my sister and I got £20 cash from our parents (about 25 years ago) so try not to worry, I would have been grateful for £100. I know it is tough now but my best Christmas was the one a few years later when my dad was gone and it was just my mum, had very little that year too.

OP you sound genuine, and also your daughters Christmas lists very modest. I’m fortunate enough to have finished my Christmas shopping. Could I purchase the digital piano and the trainers (if they are below £150) for you to give your daughters for Christmas? I wanted to help somebody this year, I did actually put a post on Facebook asking if anyone needed a Christmas food shop or gifts for there child but was getting ridiculous requests from people asking for iPhones etc so I gave up.
I would be happy to do this for you. You would need to give me the links so I know what items, or i could purchase an Amazon gift card to cover the amount for you to buy them if easier? Open to suggestions 😊

Are there any charities close to you that you could reach out to? What do you do for work? Because if your a nurse for eg there are specific cost of living charities that are independent so maybe google that. Do you get UC? You could get an advance from them. Worse case senario you will just have to explain to the kids that you were relying on that money and have been let down. They will understand. It’s about who’s around the tree not what’s under it.

That’s so kind! I think she’s genuine too. I’d be happy to buy one or two of the books. Maybe make an Amazon wish list and people can do it on there?

I have a teen (dd3 who is 17) and there is no way she'd expect trainers for £100! My budget is about £40 for her this Christmas.

We are on UC and dc have to learn to cut their cloth according to their means! Our boiler broke down a couple of weeks ago and fixing that would have been a good use of an advance not buying Christmas presents. In the end we have got an interest free loan as we had to replace the boiler.

Hi OP
Whereabouts are you?
Due to some accidental purchases which Amazon just refunded and said they didn't want them back I have a brand new still boxed vinyl player and a still packaged unused skateboard that you can have if you happen to be close enough to collect?
I would offer to courier them to you but they're pretty big so I dread to think how much that would cost .

Also, regarding the keyboard / electric piano:
I know debt is not rhe answer but on some products Amazon offer a pay in 5 monthly installments interest free on some products, I bought my daughter a keyboard for Christmas using this offer.

This isn't a dig at anyone. But £100 isn't unusual for trainers especially for a 17 year old. I paid £63 for DS trainers and that was sale price. He does have a broad foot and is a size 9 mens though and he's almost 11. Trainers aren't cheap if you are buying from Nike or JD. The last pair I bought for DS cost me £100.

But if you can't afford £100 because you literally haven't got £100 then your teens will have to wear what you can afford.
They can want them all they want...but if the money isn't there then that's that.

Is that a choice or is that because you don’t have any money? Because there’s a difference knowing you’re growing up making ends meet and not wanting to put on your mum so not asking for expensive presents to being told (like ops teens) that they have a budget for Christmas and picking what they want.

You have to live within your means but how sad that OP feels she can’t treat her kids for Christmas

Absolutely agree. I was just highlighting that's its not a an unusual amount of money!

You're not unreasonable to feel the way you do. That's a real kick in the teeth from the kids' Dad. You're not letting them down, but I get why you feel you are.

Getting a digital piano (as opposed to a keyboard) for £100 is a challenge. It might be worth looking on a cheap but reliable website like Gear4Music, finding the less expensive models, and then searching online for a used version. If she only wants semi-weighted then the cost might not be too bad.

For example - these are above your budget, but with an offer you might manage to get something like this at a reasonable cost:
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/336338065612 (has fully weighted keys)
https://uk.webuy.com/product-detail/?id=SMIDALEQ88MK2B (semi weighted keys)

There are super cheap unbranded sustain pedals available, though you'll have to check compatibility.

Good luck OP.

Sorry, ignore that last link - that's the keyboard version, not the digital piano. Again, it's unfortunately above your budget, but you can find them second hand if you can scrape together a little more budget (I appreciate that's not an option for lots of people): www.ebay.co.uk/itm/397343723540?chn=ps&_ul=GB&mkevt=1&mkcid=28&google_free_listing_action=view_item

No money I'm afraid but even when we had more we never spent a lot for the sake of it. We do have an electric piano (dd3 has just passed her grade 8) but that would never have been a Christmas present. The stool that we bought to go with the keyboard (before the electric piano) we got from the charity shop was a joint Christmas present between dd3 and ds.

I’m sorry this is happening to you, I know the horrid feeling of not being able to do ‘enough’ I don’t have the answers, but when I was in your situation I got a Very catalogue and paid it off £5 per month. Took me all year but then I would do it again. I wasn’t able to cope with not giving them what they wanted (good kids who didn’t ask too much) so I did that instead. The feeling is awful 😞

please ignore the £100 is enough brigade! £100 goes no where, the price of everything has tripled.

I would do this too. Spreads the cost but without the temptation and cost of a credit card. I put away money each month but ds2 birthday near Christmas eats into it - so to my mind it’s just carrying that on past christmas

Use Klarna, vouchers and cashback. Vinted. Tesco or boots points. Hacoo. Freebie facebook groups and community groups.

Quizzes. Referral vouchers. Discount codes. Amazon can be a false economy - try this for music

https://www.agar-trust.org.uk/grants-for-individuals/

Could you buy via eBay or Amazon but by the 3/6 payments via klarna or PayPal

so many of you suggesting the op gets into debt
you seem to have completely loss the meaning of christmas and cost of living imo
nobody HAS to spend a particular amount, do you have to show your teens your receipts to prove how you love them

No but the teens have asked for stuff that washing to be in the price range and @ClypoClimb just meats to get her girls something they want

At 17 I was working nearly full time hours to support myself whilst studying for 2 GCSEs and 3 A Levels. And, whilst suffering with chronic fatigue. It was a killer.
My parents were separated too, and even though my dad paid a reasonable amount of maintenance, my mother apparently never had enough for my basic essentials, so I had to stump up the cash for them. The last thing I thought about was what I was getting from my mother at Christmas. All I ever wanted was to be loved and wanted by her, but she will forever be incapable of giving me that.
Love your kids, be honest with them, and some day they'll realise that that's enough.

Hello you are doing the best you can. A budget of £100 is really generous and they are old enough to learn about prioritising spend and budgeting. My three boys (17,13,11) never want anything, despite being asked from November time for ideas. I fill up Christmas sacks with their favourite chocolates and snacks and give them £100 each. They are always delighted!
Have an honest conversation with them and ask them to choose one big item. I am sure you will all have a wonderful time.Please don’t put too much pressure on things and take care of yourself.