£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

[ClypoClimb]

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

I agree with the poster who said ‘talk to them’. We were pretty broke during my teenage years. I knew some of it. When my Mum talked to me honestly about budgets and priorities, I felt grown up and respected as well as loved. That’s a gift that can’t be taken away.

OP can you use Klarna or bnpl for something forxeach of the children? Not suggesting getting into thousands of debt but just to help then you could spread it out over nextcfew months?

Ive just seen that you live rurally, have you tried googling your village+fund. A lot of villages have a small fund for villagers.

£100 is more than enough. And considerably more than many kids will get. Spend time with them, have some fun and try to think about what you gave got rather than what you haven't. Your kids will hopefully grow up to be thoughtful and grateful adults rather than the spoilt, entitled brats some families bring up when they think throwing cash at them is the same as showing love.

£100 is still a lot of money. You shouldn’t feel bad when you’re trying to give your DC what they want. I think you need to be honest about your situation and offer them the option of reviewing their list and picking cheaper things or accepting second hand items if this means they can have exactly what they’ve asked for.

What an unpleasant reply and a particularly unpleasant turn of phrase.

Behave yourself and stop being so foul and crude to the OP. The father has gone back on his word and the OP is at a loss.

£100 is a generous Christmas budget. Your DD are old enough to understand that there isn’t an unlimited amount of money. If Christmas is only about the value of their presents - time for a rethink for them about looking forward to a lovely day with you and their sibling.

You can get A LOT of this second hand and it helps the environment quite a bit. Digital pianos, vinyl record player, skateboard - you can get nice, barely-touched versions of all of these. I agree beauty stuff and trainers CAN be expensive if they’ve asked for a specific thing (Adidas Sambas or Dior lip oil or something). They’re teens, that’s old enough to understand money is tight, and talk about whether they might like “dupes” (especially with makeup) - a LOT of name brand beauty things are just a waste of money.

Ebay for the piano? Vinted for the trainers?

£100 is plenty. I have £50 budget for my kids. Don’t borrow money or use charity. It’s not necessary. Just tell them your budget.

Surely those funds should be for families with no income for Christmas presents not a family with an already generous amount to spend.

christmas puts a lot of pressure on us to give our kids the perfect time.. with the perfect gifts

@Iheartmysmart im sorry really I am. I’m actually pretty good at reading but sat here with ice on one eye and distracting myself from the pain of being whacked in the eye by the cupboard, looking at mumsnet and not doing too well with one functioning eyeball, obviously

Of course Christmas isn’t only about the value of their presents but other than clothes and basic needs such as toiletries Christmas and birthday are the only times my children get any gifts. They also don’t have extended family buying gifts. So I guess I don’t view it as being that generous as other than basic clothes, items for school and toiletries (not make up or fancier stuff) this is all they will get until their birthdays in June and August.

Tell them that the budget is £100.00 and they need to decide which items in their list they want the most and they won’t be getting everything they’ve asked for. Be honest and say there will be less money than you thought because their Dad is no longer contributing.

£100.00 is more than many children will be getting spent on them and they need to learn that they cannot have everything they want.

I would definitely tell them in advance and ask them to prioritise their lists. £100 is still a lovely Christmas but if they usually get a bit more it would help to prepare them.

Can you not save up a little each month to get them bits of clothes between now and August? Maybe a job move is in order?

Yes my DF helps manage their village community fund and it provides a Christmas dinner for some of the elderly and alone (they have it in the village hall) and some help towards electricity and gas costs for some families. I believe they also apply to a bigger fund somewhere for presents for some of the families but that's onluy every now and then if a family is really struggling and they wouldn't do it for a family with £100 to spend per child.

What's wrong with £100 each?! Seems a nice amount to me.

I'm confused about their dad - do you normally just pool your money and buy the gifts together even though you are separated?

I think you have to just be honest with them and say he's unable to contribute this year, so unfortunately there aren't so many presents.

£100 is not a tiny budget. Talk to your children, explain that there’s a limit, that you can’t afford more (tell them their dad has said he can’t contribute) They may be disappointed but they will understand.

Yes we tend to pool money, he doesn’t see them often as we live in rural Scotland and he lives in london now. He sees them maybe once a year and never around Christmas.

I know their is nothing inherently wrong with £100 each, I guess I just know many of their friends will be getting expensive clothes, bikes, tech etc. and feel sad I can’t do what I was hoping too.

I remember a Christmas when my parents were utterly skint and they sat us down in advance and explained the situation. I don’t think we even had £100 between us three siblings. It was probably the nicest Christmas we’d ever had and I still remember it over 40 years later.

I had a tiny pair of silver earrings I still wear now, a makeup bag my mum made with a couple of cheap bits of makeup, a hand knitted scarf, gloves and hat plus some chocolate, bubble bath and a book.

It didn’t matter that we didn’t have much money, we were together as a family and spent the day watching films, playing board games, walking the dog and eating and drinking. I was 17, my older sibling 18 and the youngest one 12.

£100 per child is honestly fine! Honestly, Christmas spending and materialistic expectations have got waaaay out of hand.

Unfortunately I think the only thing you can do is tell them the truth yes their dad might be a twat but you can't get blood out of a stone ,if £100 each is what you can afford its what you can afford ,you are doing the best you can.