£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

[ClypoClimb]

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

Second hand pianos are often given for free / cost of delivery and you could also get a keyboard or OR your child will have a to wait until you have the money. Will family members give money or ask what they would like (in which case you can ask for o
money towards the things they want).

£100 isn't that bad. If you don't have the money, you don't have the money...

OP I have been in that same position where we spent £100 per child due to very difficult circumstances despite us both working full time, so don’t feel bad, you can only do what you can do. You can also give IOU notes for perhaps buying some of the items on the kids lists in Jan or Feb.

Im sorry that you are managing this on your own. You are doing amazing. Its their dad that has let them down here not you. For what its worth when I was a teen it was just my mum, me and my 2 younger brothers. Dad was not on the scene and notoriously let us down time and time again. One Christmas he was supposed to contribute towards christmas but surprise surprise he didn't. My mum was so sad and spoke to the 3 of us and let us know that she could only afford £50.00 each for presents. We had an amazing Christmas, we knew how much effort my mum had put into it and that she was juggling alot. As hard as it must be for you, try to talk to the kids about it if you can. Im sure they will know that you are giving all you can and making it as wonderful as you can. You are doing amazing and christmas is no easy thing to juggle on your own! Their dad should be ashamed.

If you don’t have that much money, manage your children’s expectations. It’s a strange and unattractive thing about our society that many feel like they have the right to to live like celebrities even though they can’t afford it. You’ll be doing them a massive favour by teaching them to live within their means and be happy with it.

£100 is a good amount , no need for OP to feel bad about it.

I’m only doing £100 per child this year…. Boy (17) is slightly over as I got his in the sales earlier in the year. My girls are 22 and 23 however I’ve told them that I’m cutting back. They’ve always been materialistic and I’ve told them ‘no more’ . I’ve got the girls some Elemis, make up that they use, bath bits and some cosy socks. Birthdays are the same amount now and is a piece of jewellery.

I was always a single parent. Money was very tight as I couldn't work, as dd had special needs (but no disability benefit to help)
DD would get the argos catalogue, write reams of things she likes, then would say to me, but you must only buy me one thing mummy. She always got more BUT she was aware we didn't have much. She didn't mind as that's how she'd been brought up, not to expect. Talk to your children, tell them what's happened (ok perhaps embellish if you don't want to bad mouth the ex) they're more than old enough to understand (mine was only 4-12 ish)
Tell them it doesn't mean you think any less of them. Tell them to choose one reasonable present. That's all you can do

Better to vent here. But it is still a pretty healthy budget. They are not going to he deprived.

I am sure she would have if her ex hadn't promised funds.

A lot of people don't understand what it's like to have kids with no family support.
No gifts from other family members, no pocket money from. Grandparents or people in their lives.So you try and make xmas nice.
I'm sure they will understand sending big hugs to you.It's hard with no support xx.

Ignore, some people are not right in the head.