Page 14 | £100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

ClypoClimb · 2025-12-09T19:41:24+00:00

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15. We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads. Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything. DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100. DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive). I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much. AIBU to feel like this?

usedtobeaylis · 10/12/2025 16:41

Sorry if I missed this as I read half the thread yesterday and more today but if he can't contribute the full amount of what he promised did you ask him what he CAN contribute? There's no way he should be just giving nothing at all.

And to be honest most of the people trying to reassure you would be feeling the exact same in your position so don't be patronised.

musicinme · 10/12/2025 16:46

Slowdownyouredoingfine · 10/12/2025 15:29

£100 is really not enough especially with teens, Christmas is about giving them what they truly want and sometimes the pair of trainers they want are £100 alone. Everything is expensive now. I really feel for you OP, can you not speak to their dad? Tell him the reality that the girls aren’t going to get much at all it’s not on he has bailed like this. Prick. Do as much second hand sourcing as you can Vinted etc, get on Temu or SHEIN for stocking fillers. I know this won’t be popular advice but I’d be looking at getting a 0% credit card if possible for the bigger items.

I am feeling terrible now and have never been able to spend £100 on any of my teenagers (now adult) at Christmas. Yet I have always managed to get them something they really wanted. And they have always seemed happy/grateful (but perhaps not secretly). But then I would never get anything on credit either, 0% or not. Oh dear!

InMyOodie · 10/12/2025 16:57

You need to pressure your ex to contribute something. He doesn't get off scott free while you worry about your children.

SleepyLemur · 10/12/2025 16:58

musicinme · 10/12/2025 16:46

I am feeling terrible now and have never been able to spend £100 on any of my teenagers (now adult) at Christmas. Yet I have always managed to get them something they really wanted. And they have always seemed happy/grateful (but perhaps not secretly). But then I would never get anything on credit either, 0% or not. Oh dear!

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Don't feel £100 is a lot of money and you can get amazing presents for less. Christmas is about far more than presents.

OP you sound like an amazing mum too, don't feel bad. Very unfair of you ex to behave like this, but you still have enough to get them great presents.

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 17:20

ForCraftyWriter · 10/12/2025 16:29

Because OP no one who says they can do gifts on £100, or who say £100 is ok would ever dream of spending £100 on a pair of trainers. It’s a ridiculous price that families doing Christmas on £100 can’t afford. The kids would have a different brand, second hand, or get a job.
If spending this amount for Christmas’s is very important to you I’d suggest opening another bank account and paying over a monthly standing order.

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do you have a teen?

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 17:25

musicinme · 10/12/2025 16:46

I am feeling terrible now and have never been able to spend £100 on any of my teenagers (now adult) at Christmas. Yet I have always managed to get them something they really wanted. And they have always seemed happy/grateful (but perhaps not secretly). But then I would never get anything on credit either, 0% or not. Oh dear!

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How old are your adult kids? My nieces & nephews would have roughly £50 each spent on them from their parents. It stretched alot further than a £100 now. Trainers have doubled in price. The only thing that’s roughly stayed the same is possibly makeup. I assume your kids had family to buy them things. I get to distribute their Christmas list to grandparents & aunts & uncles. She doesn’t. So the whole of their Christmas pot is just that £100. I don’t think her posts were aimed at making you feel bad. Her ex has let her down with the money

PigeonsandSquirrels · 10/12/2025 17:35

So just tell the kids that you can only afford £100 each. They’re not 7, they’re teens and can understand that money doesn’t grow on trees.

Disenchantedone · 10/12/2025 17:39

OP you are doing your best, and have saved money to the best of your ability. YOU have not let them down HE has!!!
They are old enough to sit them down and say there is a last minute problem as their dad is not able to contribute what you thought.
Perhaps suggest some of the little things they want, and keep saving for the bigger items after christmas, or ask them which gifts are most important.
Don't beat yourself up. It is natural to be disappointed that you can't give them what they asked for, but it is really not your fault.

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 17:43

Heylittlesongbird · 10/12/2025 15:04

OP, I think you’re right, in your situation this is a very tight budget to work with as it is the only chance you have to go beyond the essentials.

I do think your first step is to go back to your ex. Tell him this isn’t good enough with 2 weeks to go, what can he afford? Or can he send it in January? He sounds useless but it’s worth a try. If he does agree to January, don’t spend it until you see it, explain to your children you will buy things when he helps.

For now I think you have to have a conversation with them about what is their priority for a £100 budget.

And whatever you do, don’t get into debt over it. This isn’t your fault and your children need to understand that.

I agree that OP is in a tough spot and needs to explain the financial situation to her children.

It is also useful to differentiate between needs wants:

phones - if they genuinely need phones, get a basic Nokia or similar

make-up/perfumes - make-up maybe, but do they really need perfume?

musical instruments - can they be rented until they are sure they want to commit to learning? (Admittedly I’m ancient, but in my day, schools would rent out instruments.) Alternatively, look for second-hand….. but maybe not in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

sports equipment/other hobby equipment - as above, look for second-hand throughout the year.

Things like trainers and sports clothing - my kids always had generic rather than branded, or knock-offs from market stalls, even though we could have affordable Nike etc. They never complained. Throughout their childhood we focused on experiences rather than merchandise, and I know they were happy.

Nightlight8 · 10/12/2025 17:59

Do you work OP? Does their dad pay CMS?

Phoenixfire1988 · 10/12/2025 18:03

Get what you can and explain dad didn't keep his end of the bargain what a twat he is letting his kids down so close to Xmas !

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 10/12/2025 18:04

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 17:43

I agree that OP is in a tough spot and needs to explain the financial situation to her children.

It is also useful to differentiate between needs wants:

phones - if they genuinely need phones, get a basic Nokia or similar

make-up/perfumes - make-up maybe, but do they really need perfume?

musical instruments - can they be rented until they are sure they want to commit to learning? (Admittedly I’m ancient, but in my day, schools would rent out instruments.) Alternatively, look for second-hand….. but maybe not in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

sports equipment/other hobby equipment - as above, look for second-hand throughout the year.

Things like trainers and sports clothing - my kids always had generic rather than branded, or knock-offs from market stalls, even though we could have affordable Nike etc. They never complained. Throughout their childhood we focused on experiences rather than merchandise, and I know they were happy.

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It’s Christmas. It’s not about needs and wants. It’s about treating her lovely kids at Christmas

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 18:08

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 10/12/2025 18:04

It’s Christmas. It’s not about needs and wants. It’s about treating her lovely kids at Christmas

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It is if the budget is limited and the other parent is being an Rshole.

musicinme · 10/12/2025 18:12

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 17:25

How old are your adult kids? My nieces & nephews would have roughly £50 each spent on them from their parents. It stretched alot further than a £100 now. Trainers have doubled in price. The only thing that’s roughly stayed the same is possibly makeup. I assume your kids had family to buy them things. I get to distribute their Christmas list to grandparents & aunts & uncles. She doesn’t. So the whole of their Christmas pot is just that £100. I don’t think her posts were aimed at making you feel bad. Her ex has let her down with the money

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Yes, it's not about me of course, but I wrote without thinking really. Yes, I suppose it was about £50/£60 each back then, but thankfully they never asked for branded goods or expensive trainers. Thankfully nor do grandchildren - who I do spoil throughout the year.

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 10/12/2025 18:16

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 18:08

It is if the budget is limited and the other parent is being an Rshole.

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She’s got a budget of £100 yet you’re telling her her kids don’t need any of the things they want. Perfume - don’t need it. Trainers - knock offs. Musical instruments - rent them,

Merry Christmas kids! Here’s some Nikey trainers and a keyboard I’ve rented for a week.

It just feels a bit patronising to suggest that her kids should have to consider needs and not wants for Christmas. It’s rubbish her ex has let her down. But her kids are allowed to want some nice things

TicklishLion · 10/12/2025 18:17

All these things they’re asking for are bells and whistles. They’re old enough to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees and they can’t just go around asking for things that are way over budget. They also need to learn how to live within your family’s means. They need to have reasonable expectations for gifts!

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 10/12/2025 18:21

TicklishLion · 10/12/2025 18:17

All these things they’re asking for are bells and whistles. They’re old enough to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees and they can’t just go around asking for things that are way over budget. They also need to learn how to live within your family’s means. They need to have reasonable expectations for gifts!

They did. They had a budget of £300. Their dad has let them down. It’s not the kids fault so I don’t think it’s fair to imply they’re being unreasonable for asking for presents within a budget their dad has let them down on

axolotlfloof · 10/12/2025 18:24

I wouldn't spend more than £100 even if I can afford it.
They are asking for far too much.
Tell them they can have gifts up to the value of £100 and they can prioritise what they would like.
My 18 y o has sent me a link for a £40 gift, he will get a few stocking fillers and maybe some cash if I am spending more on is brother.
He wouldn't expect the gifts your daughter is asking for.

TicklishLion · 10/12/2025 18:24

ClypoClimb · 09/12/2025 20:05

Yes we tend to pool money, he doesn’t see them often as we live in rural Scotland and he lives in london now. He sees them maybe once a year and never around Christmas.

I know their is nothing inherently wrong with £100 each, I guess I just know many of their friends will be getting expensive clothes, bikes, tech etc. and feel sad I can’t do what I was hoping too.

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My mom once said to me “I feel bad that you can’t fly first-class to uni like my friend’s child” and I looked at her like she had two heads. It had never occurred to me to compare lifestyles in different stratospheres. Your guilt is your own and likely unfounded. Your children may not feel that way at all.

ContentedAlpaca · 10/12/2025 18:47

axolotlfloof · 10/12/2025 18:24

I wouldn't spend more than £100 even if I can afford it.
They are asking for far too much.
Tell them they can have gifts up to the value of £100 and they can prioritise what they would like.
My 18 y o has sent me a link for a £40 gift, he will get a few stocking fillers and maybe some cash if I am spending more on is brother.
He wouldn't expect the gifts your daughter is asking for.

I don't think something to learn a new skill on is at all frivolous though and would want to get it if I could. Same with a record player. My son gets so much joy out of his and finding second hand vinyl for it.

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 10/12/2025 18:51

axolotlfloof · 10/12/2025 18:24

I wouldn't spend more than £100 even if I can afford it.
They are asking for far too much.
Tell them they can have gifts up to the value of £100 and they can prioritise what they would like.
My 18 y o has sent me a link for a £40 gift, he will get a few stocking fillers and maybe some cash if I am spending more on is brother.
He wouldn't expect the gifts your daughter is asking for.

So your teen doesn’t own anything over the value of £100 then?

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 18:58

TicklishLion · 10/12/2025 18:17

All these things they’re asking for are bells and whistles. They’re old enough to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees and they can’t just go around asking for things that are way over budget. They also need to learn how to live within your family’s means. They need to have reasonable expectations for gifts!

Aren’t you full of the joys of Christmas. Her kids don’t sound demanding. They wait till Christmas before getting new trainers etc. where I’d suggest most kids take for granted they’ll get a new pair as needed. I think you’re missing the point. They get to choose & have what they want twice a year. It’s the only time their wants are indulged. She’s posted how her kids understand this & very likely to understand their Christmas budget not being as promised. They’re going to feel disappointed & the mom feels terrible for it. All understandable, no?

Cuwins · 10/12/2025 19:01

Jugendstiel · 10/12/2025 15:39

It infuriates me that you are the one feeling bad when he is the one who is letting them down. Please be honest with them and explain that he has said this. It may hurt but they deserve to know you are doing your best and that he is the one letting them down.

Can you call him and ask him to reconsider, and say they ask for almost nothing and he contributes so little, can he please keep this promise so you can buy some of the things on their list that they most want.

OP, sign up for Freecycle and join as many local groups as you can, including any in reachable towns, and ask for an electric piano. I have received one before. and given two away via Freecycle. You are not limited to seeing what is on offer. You can list a wanted item. And you're not limited to your own local group. You can ask in neighbouring groups. If you can get to an area to collect it, then include that area in your search. people may still be doing clear outs.

Check every local site regularly - at least once a day, and contact people politely, promising when you can collect. If it's an item you really would like for your DC, always say, if this item has already been offered to someone who then doesn't collect it, please do think of me, as I am still very interested and happy to collect at your convenience. Lots of people get let down on freecycle and you can get good things by promising to be reliable.

If you can't get anything worthwhile in this way, then look for the items that cost around £60-70 on their lists and buy one each as the main present, then use the remaining £30 to do a really nice stocking of small items from their lists and a couple of small surprises - even if it's just a 99p face mask from Superdrug or poundstore make up brushes.

To add to this look on Facebook for local free pages: ‘freebay’, ‘before the tip’ and then your town name you will be amazed at what some people give away

Piknik · 10/12/2025 19:02

Send their dad a message.

Hi X

I take it from your message that you are struggling financially this year... So am I. Our girls have made modest lists but I cannot cover them alone - even scouting for second hand items as I am. They understand that they can't have everything on the list but I would hope to get them more than one thing as there is no wider family to contribute or gift (as you know). So on that basis, can you please let me know what you can offer/put in? If it's only £150 or £100 rather than the original promised £200, then so be it, but the long and short of it is, I cannot make my money stretch any further than it already is - and they deserve a contribution from their dad.

Let me know please
Thank you
OP

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 19:05

axolotlfloof · 10/12/2025 18:24

I wouldn't spend more than £100 even if I can afford it.
They are asking for far too much.
Tell them they can have gifts up to the value of £100 and they can prioritise what they would like.
My 18 y o has sent me a link for a £40 gift, he will get a few stocking fillers and maybe some cash if I am spending more on is brother.
He wouldn't expect the gifts your daughter is asking for.

Do your boys have any other relatives to buy for them?

Do they get clothes throughout the year? Because she has literally said they don’t get trainers, make up or smellies throughout the year. They have to wait to get certain bits they actually need for birthday & Christmas