£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

[ClypoClimb]

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

So after Christmas tell the ex he will be dealing with his children and paying them directly into their accounts child maintenance etc. this solved the problem with my dead beat dad as he was too embarrassed to tell his DD

£100 won’t go far with a teenager . Maybe for toddlers yes but stuff costs a lot more when they get older !
OP - not much help now but I would never rely on a man for money . Save up throughout the year and then this won’t happen again.

I know the one daughter actually wants to learn something. I found the contented alpaca abit mean spirited, almost bitter. Maybe her name is ironic

What?

I’m so sorry it wasn’t meant at you. But the person you’re responding to. My bad. I was agreeing with you.

Do Nokia phones still exist? All phones are now pretty expensive, even for reconditioned/used.

I feel for OP, it’s not that she only has £100 to spend per child, it’s that she probably told the. There was a £300 budget as the father was supposed to paying £200 per child, so now she feels she’s let them down when in fact their father has let them down. I am sure they will understand the situation (that their father is a waste of space) but OP can still feel the way she does, we all want our children to be happy.

I have spent more than £100 on each of mine and that was still buying 2nd hand items. Even the basic things like trainers, phones, a new coat etc… are still pretty pricy. The average price of a t-shirt now seems to be £20, trainers £50+, and phones £100+.

A 100 pounds is loads of money on presents. 300 is crazy to me, I've never spent that much on one child's presents and I have a solid income.

It really does come down to family habits/values/mindset. I agree it's miserable to be poor, but all the more reason not to follow any of the advice saying stick it on a credit card/klarna.

I think the kids would much prefer fewer presents but a relaxed, positive start to 2026 instead of lots of presents but then watching their mum stressing about paying back debt all through the first months of the year.

OP is completely reasonable to be angry and upset at her ex though. He's completely reneged on his promises.

agree with what others have said about being honest with them that their dad has failed to put in what he said he would, and you'll all need to adjust.
Shopping second hand and looking for good deals, using facebook market place are all also good tips.

Have you not started any shopping for them whatsoever yet? Most people seem to be pretty much finished by now, or just have a couple of stocking fillers left to get. [If their dad will be kicking in money in the future, then aim to get this by mid-October to allow you to shop when sales are on, and take advantage of black friday for any big gifts]
If you've got a few bits, first thing is to take stock and work out what you've got for each of them and make sure it's roughly even, or in line with what they're expecting.

If this was me, I'd be having an honest chat with them re dad letting them down, and what did they value most about Christmas? If there's stuff you usually do that you and them would be happy to skip or downgrade, so that funds could be re-allocated to the present budget this is the time to identify it (eg if none of you are bothered about mince pies and christmas pudding, then that might help to buy a couple of makeup bits. Or if you usually buy new xmas baubles but can reuse the old ones that might free up some funds).
Then I'd be asking 'what's the one thing you want most' and be aiming to buy that, and a few little things and stocking fillers - ideally things they will appreciate and want/use, so have that chat with them (would you rather have a pack of cheaper nail varnish in lots of colours, or one bottle of OPI? would you rather an unbranded big makeup set, or a branded mascara and eyeshadow?)

Have you got any friends that have watched them grow up? If so, chat to them and let them know that the girls' dad has let them down, and so christmas is gonna be a bit of a stretch, so if they happen to be planning to do out their wardrobes, make up drawers etc soon, you'd really appreciate anything they'd be able to pass on! If this was one of my friends, I'd definitely then consider buying the kids a present, even if I didn't usually, and wouldn't be expecting anything in return, and I'd also probably find a few bits from my wardrobe that I'd be happy to pass on! You could also ask friends to keep an eye on facebook marketplace etc for people giving away suitable stuff.

No worries :)

I said it before but I really think sales is the way to go

get something small /stocking stuff so they have things to open but wait till 26th as will get so much more for their /your money

Can I make a suggestion on going forward. Stop having the money off him to buy their gifts. When they give you a list tick off the ones you can buy & tell them to text the rest to their dad. He can either purchase them or he can transfer the money into their bank accounts for them (open them one if they already don’t have one). I think you’d half the guilt you’re feeling, I think by having all the responsibility of actually sourcing the gifts is making you feel more guilty & upset than it should. You’re shouldering his shame & the disappointment. I don’t think that fair. I also reckon when he has to let them down & he has to explain why, he may be less inclined to do it.

I haven't done any shopping yet. Stop adding to the pressure

On the keyboard - to help with second hand options that meet the bill. Quite a lot take a sustain pedal input but don’t come with one. You can buy them separately. So worth poking around online specifications for ones available second hand.

Are you 100% sure Dad is not going to buy his own presents this year? Maybe he just doesn't want to pool anymore?

How much in £££ does he give in maintenance every month? Maybe he believes this should cover his contribution if it's a high amount?

I like to think there are reasons behind people's behaviour not just that they are inexplicably shit people?

I know you said that you are rural, but there are second hand sites that will post. Look on ebay, shop around, look for deals etc
get them one big thing and a couple of small things each, they don’t need everything on their list, just the thing they want the most.
I get it’s tough, I have been there (still am) but the kids aren’t daft, they know there isn’t a money tree.

My 16 and 18 y o save up for things they want . Both worked in the summer. 18 y o will work in Xmas hols.
They may get a gift from Grandma but good chance it won't be what they want. They may get £10; from an uncle. No guarantees.
I just don't understand why OPs DDs are asking for so much. For £100 they can get smellies, make up and trainers or a large gift.
They are both old enough for pt time jobs.
Their expectations are wild imo

I grew up with parents on a tight budget OP. Ok, I didn’t get everything some others got but it really didn’t bother me. I would cry myself to sleep sometimes with concern for my parents, but never for me. I just hated seeing them stressed.

It gave me drive. I worked every hour my shop job would give me whilst in sixth form, worked a part time job throughout university and saved hard when I got home for a deposit, I never wanted to struggle in the same way and -luckily- I haven’t. I have a high work ethic and am very grateful for everything I earn and can afford.

Please don’t worry. All kids want, really, is for a happy family. Sit them down and explain what’s happened, that dad is having a tough time (so they don’t feel unloved) and can’t afford presents this year and so you have a smaller budget. Would they like the cash or to pick between presents with a view of carrying over the others to next birthday and Christmas?

It’s ok, they’ll be fine. This is a really good life lesson which with hopefully fuel their fire to work and save hard.

My 16 and 18 y o save up for things they want . Both worked in the summer. 18 y o will work in Xmas hols.
They may get a gift from Grandma but good chance it won't be what they want. They may get £10; from an uncle. No guarantees.
I just don't understand why OPs DDs are asking for so much. For £100 they can get smellies, make up and trainers or a large gift.
They are both old enough for pt time jobs.
Their expectations are wild imo.

Christmas media makes you think you need a lot of money at Christmas time, not just the presents but the wealth of activities at this time of year. Light shows, pantos, ice skating, meals out and parties let alone dresses etc.

For presents check out ebay and Vinted but quick to get deliveries in time.

many years (inc this year), I’ve bought second hand in good nick and saved a fortune. It’s hard to organise sometimes, but check out online sales after 4pm on Christmas Eve for birthdays / Christmas next year.

With the £100 id spend half on presents and give the other half as cash for them to save for what they want. Not ideal, but keeps within budget.

good luck, I know it’s tricky believe me.

And it’s rubbish their Dad has let you all down.

forget him, you’ve got this Mumma.

What their Dad has done is awful. Is it possible to go back and ask for £50 per child? If not, in your situation, and only if I could afford it, I'd get the piano and trainers on a 0% Very account. Pay it back £15-£20 a month before the interest kicks in.

Hi, I'm not sure if there is a way to DM on mums net (I've literally never commented) but I am also rural Scotland so understand how difficult it is for second hand items in the area, but do travel to Glasgow fairly regularly so if there's a way to message, please get in touch and I'd be happy to help if we are relatively close to each other, either picking cheaper items up for you, or getting the books for your daughter; I have access through uni and work links to several resources for second hand books. X

I don't think you could do this on £100.

A decent wind instrument is £500 upwards. Sports equipment can be £1000.

I do feel for you; even children with modest expectations need some special things.

Yes, more than one

The 17yo is old enough for a job the 15yo isn’t & I don’t know where you shop but a £100 doesn’t cover all that you’ve listed. A teen girl isn’t going to want £30 trainers as a choice. She’d very likely prefer to not have any trainers than waste money on something she doesn’t want. You may well be of the thought process of well tough she doesn’t need it but again the op has said that anything like trainers are a present. So she may well need them.