To refuse to be a witness against colleague??

[Pukkajones]

Christmas party, a few nights ago. At a hotel, as it was timed with a big sales meeting, so everyone staying over, 200 ish people, free bar as well as a formal dinner.
Drinking very much encouraged. Staff ages ranged from early 20s to the senior staff in their 50s. Everyone VERY merry.
One colleague, let’s call her Jenny, got a bit carried away, throwing shapes on the dance floor, too touchy feely with men and women apparently then groped one older male colleagues testicles at which point friends grabbed hold of her and steered her off up stairs to her room.
She escaped. Came back down - paralytic at this point - and flashed her boobs at a senior male colleague! In the side bar area so fewer people around me being one of them. Another colleague and I intervened and friends got her again and put her to bed, this time someone stayed with her.

Now I’m being asked to come and tell what I saw to her line manager. I’m in training for an event at the moment so it’s common knowledge that I wasn’t drinking and was sober.

I really don’t want to. She’s lovely, usually quiet and sensible, the company got her poleaxed and now want to carpet her. I’m not a bloody snitch plus - why can’t the guy she flashed at say what happened. Why do I need to be involved???

I’ve been working away since the party so have no idea what is being said in office other than the OMG, Jenny! What was she doing??? Messages. But trust me, there’s plenty of stories from that night… so she’s in good company.

YABU - snitch on her. A man doing that would be in so much trouble.

YANBU - deny seeing anything. If the company ply everyone with that much booze there’s bound to be uncouth behaviour and they probably have enough witnesses already.

the company didn’t get her poleaxed, she is a grown woman who made the decision to get so drunk she sexually assaulted someone and had to have someone stay in her room to stop her from doing it again

Depends. If the office nice guy got paralytic and showed everyone his pants - I wouldn’t.
If it was some dickhead, maybe but actually probably not.

She's lucky then that they didn't a complaint as that one is much more serious I think. However, if you refuse to say what you saw and she 'gets away with it' what message does that give out?
You shouldn't have lower standards because it's a woman and she's nice, she's clearly not able to hold her drink and needs to understand actions have consequences.

So one guy was subjected to indecent exposure and another sexually assaulted but you want to turn a blind eye?

Allegedly. I have heard that 3rd hand as I wasn’t there at the time.

the company got her poleaxed

How exactly? I would say she did this herself.

I’m not a bloody snitch plus - why can’t the guy she flashed at say what happened.

Because you were a witness. Otherwise it would be his word vs hers.

Many, many people would say "sorry but I didn't see what happened", although the replies to this thread will not reflect that and nearly everyone who posts on it will say they would give the witness statement.

I think you should give a statement but only speak to what you personally saw, not on what you heard/ were told/ have been told about the rest. If you saw her flashing her breasts say so. If you saw her groping people say so. If you did not see these things, say that.

Shame on you. If you were flashed by a man and someone witnessed it, you'd want them to support you if you reported it to the police. If you had been groped by a man at a party, you'd expect other colleagues to stand up for you. So you should do the same.

You don't appear to be a very nice person.

YAB very U.

Why should she get a free pass to sexually abuse someone when you’d expect a man doing similar to be prosecuted as a sex pest?

A free bar is not a licence to lose your mind. No-one forced her to drink to excess and get paralytic. She could have chosen to stop at any time.

I made it a rule in my early 20’s after witnessing a senior male manger acting the maggot, to never drink more than one glass at a works social. In fact, for most of the events I attended, I stuck to soft drinks.

You owe it to your male colleague and anyone else offended by her lewed behaviour to tell the truth. No-one’s asking you to lie or exaggerate but simply tell the truth.

Yes she behaved completely inappropriately, but tbh the employer shouldn’t have had a free bar if they didn’t want staff getting rat arsed to the point of flashing at people. Some people just can’t control themselves.

She grows a bunch of people, fully sexually assault one male colleague and then flashed another.

You’re right; if a male colleague had been groping a bunch of people, then grabbed the crotch or breasts of a female collage and then flashed his penis at another and you said “I don’t want to snitch” then you’d be judged badly for that. He would deserve it.

So does she. Free bar does not mean get shitfaced and sexually assault people. She is an adult who knows her limits and knows how to behave then chose to get wasted and assault people during a work event.

If you have to make a statement you give a factual account of what you saw. There's no reason why you shouldn't.

Employees are usually obliged to participate in workplace investigations, so no, I don’t think you can refuse to be interviewed.

My advice is to tell the absolute truth. If you didn’t see her sexually assaulting her colleagues there will presumably be other staff who did, so the chances are she will be dismissed.

If everyone else is giving version A, and you are lying, things could go quite badly for you. Don’t rely on people saying “I’m not going to grass her up” because actually they most probably will, rather than be exposed as a liar.

It is concerning that you don’t think her behaviour is reprehensible.

No that's not what I said. In fact it's the opposite of what I said.

I am making the point that the company may very well be vicariously liable for the fact that two employees have been sexually harassed in the workplace. Google it. They may know this, and be keen to throw the blame entirely on Jenny.

That is separate to the fact that Jenny should be subject to the company's sexual harassment procedure.

She got herself drunk, no one made her drink as much as she did. I would say what you saw first hand, no hearsay, and if you want to you can state that you find her usually lovely, quiet and sensible and that this was a definite one off as far as you are concerned. I can't see any valid reason for refusing to say what you saw.

Regardless of how she is normally, you surely must agree that getting that drunk and behaving in that way is completely inappropriate for a work event and that there should be appropriate consequences.

I wouldn’t do anything or give a statement. However I would if the sexes were reversed.

How do people with this kind of attitude sleep at night?

Maybe not. Probably not. Depends.

Unbelievable, that is hypocrisy at it's finest.

You only need to say what you saw, that she flashed her bra (which is a bit different to naked breasts). Absolutely no need to comment on things you heard from others, in fact it would be wrong to do so. Short and factual.

In lots of workplace complaint situations I can see why people don't want to get involved but I think where there is any form of harassment, assault or discrimination/bullying , those should be the exceptions.

I was at a work party where some members of staff drunkenly exposed themselves on the dance floor (both male and female and I'm not talking a flash of bra either) and a senior female member of staff propositioned some young male members of staff, then passed out and her husband had to come and collect her. Those involved were given a stern warning but it didn't go further.

Actually assaulting someone, sexually or otherwise, is much more serious but you can't comment on what you didn't see.

They may know this, and be keen to throw the blame entirely on Jenny.

The blame lies with Jenny. I managed to drink for devades and I am not 1 tipple person, without flashing people and grabbing genitals

What a disgusting attitude, your colleague sexually assaulted two people. I hope she's massively ashamed and ready to face the consequences of her actions.

This. I used to work in the legal industry where free bars were commonplace at work events, Christmas parties etc.

Everyone used to drink A LOT and not once did I see or hear of anyone flashing or grabbing someone else's genitals.

That may be your opinion, but legally the company could absolutely be found to be vicariously responsible if it were to go to tribunal.

People, we don't need to go to switching genders.
Simply "if your husband was harrased/assault by woman at work, would you be happy for it to be swept under carpet because" she lovely tho""?