To refuse to be a witness against colleague??

[Pukkajones]

Christmas party, a few nights ago. At a hotel, as it was timed with a big sales meeting, so everyone staying over, 200 ish people, free bar as well as a formal dinner.
Drinking very much encouraged. Staff ages ranged from early 20s to the senior staff in their 50s. Everyone VERY merry.
One colleague, let’s call her Jenny, got a bit carried away, throwing shapes on the dance floor, too touchy feely with men and women apparently then groped one older male colleagues testicles at which point friends grabbed hold of her and steered her off up stairs to her room.
She escaped. Came back down - paralytic at this point - and flashed her boobs at a senior male colleague! In the side bar area so fewer people around me being one of them. Another colleague and I intervened and friends got her again and put her to bed, this time someone stayed with her.

Now I’m being asked to come and tell what I saw to her line manager. I’m in training for an event at the moment so it’s common knowledge that I wasn’t drinking and was sober.

I really don’t want to. She’s lovely, usually quiet and sensible, the company got her poleaxed and now want to carpet her. I’m not a bloody snitch plus - why can’t the guy she flashed at say what happened. Why do I need to be involved???

I’ve been working away since the party so have no idea what is being said in office other than the OMG, Jenny! What was she doing??? Messages. But trust me, there’s plenty of stories from that night… so she’s in good company.

YABU - snitch on her. A man doing that would be in so much trouble.

YANBU - deny seeing anything. If the company ply everyone with that much booze there’s bound to be uncouth behaviour and they probably have enough witnesses already.

If you refuse to be a witness then potentially you could go through a disciplinary process for failure to follow a reasonable management instruction, it is really worth the hassle for you?

I do agree with other posters that no one forced her to drink so much she sexually assaulted someone. Your employer can’t brush it under the carpet, especially with the new sexual harassment legislation

I don’t think boobs are a sexual threat like someone’s penis is.

Flashing boobs is like doing a moony at someone IMO.

Don’t we all want boobs to stop being sexualised when we’re breastfeeding or sunbathing topless in a foreign country?

Say what you saw, you saw her flash her bra.

The drunken rumour mill could have her rubbing her naked breasts on his face - what you say might actually save her from wild exaggeration.

You wouldn’t think twice about reporting a lovely quiet man for flashing at a colleague. Your double standards are disturbing.

A very similar thing happened to a colleague of mine 25 years ago, I was called as witness was factual but also made a strong point that much drink had been flowing very freely and drinking shots encouraged by management. She got off with a warning, what annoyed me was more popular colleagues got away with doing absolute bonkers things and never got pulled up.
Do you by any chance work in an Industry starting with PH?

Not saying it was great behaviour, it wasn't. But personally I'd stay out.

There's no point trying to reverse the sexes for an example because virtually nothing in our patriarchal world is analogous between men and women.

When men flash or grope women, it serves as a reminder that in this world men can often get away with anything. Women experiencing even minor harassment from men are often unwittingly reminded of more serious sexual offences they've already endured, hence traumatic reactions.

Male sexual offences have a known pattern of escalation. I don't think that's the case with women. Men are physically stronger, and commit well over 90% of all sexual and violent crimes. Men cannot become pregnant from rape.

So whilst your colleague behaved badly, she's living in a world which works against her in so many ways. And whilst it can't have been nice for the owner of the testicles, women as a class don't threaten his safety, dignity or livelihood.

Quite

I'd just say 'Sorry, I don't remember much!' and refuse to participate.

CCTV doesnt mean she witnessed it and if you go down that route then god help us all

God, all these posts about what if the genders were reversed . Well they weren't, a drunk woman is annoying but no threat to anyone.

Absolutely do not join in whatever investigation is being carried out. Leave it to whomever complained.

Perhaps the industry needs to reflect on their boozy reputation as a whole and start promoting a healthier culture

Women get over their breasts being groped too, but it doesn’t make it right. Of course the OP should say what she saw, actions have consequences.

You need to tell them what you witnessed, not the third hand stuff.

Imagine if a man groped a woman and flashed his bits at the party, etc and nobody spoke up because 'he was drunk'.

So what. It's completely inappropriate at a work function (or any function tbh) and conversations need to be had.

2 completely different scenarios. Men flashing their cocks tend to be predatory pervs, women flashing their bra aren't, silly and drunk yes. Unclench.

I think you have to give a factual account of what you saw. Say 'I was stood by the bar, when Jenny came into the room, she was clearly drunk, pulled up her top and showed Bob her breasts/bra. Liz and myself felt we needed to intervene, so we helped her to her room. I came back to the bar, whilst Liz stayed with Jenny'. It's factual, you're not giving an opinion or speculating, just facts. Jenny may be a lovely, quiet person but she's also an adult who made poor choices. No one forced her to get blind drunk, and no one forced her to touch colleagues inappropriately or flash her boobs at senior managers. That's all on her, because she drank too much alcohol. It may have been a sales meeting that ended with a Christmas party, but the company has a right to expect certain standards. Unfortunately, it is likely to be gross misconduct - because of the fact she grabbed a blokes testicles.

Update… just got off a video call with the manager ( who incidentally I once had to help to bed many years ago after a big industry event, and who was so ill the next day missed their flight and had to get a later one… but I digress)
where I confirmed that I saw nothing untoward as I arrived into the area but did help escort Drunken colleague to their room as they were clearly not fit to be trying to break back into the ballroom …
that is all. Thanks for the advice.

Give her a break, she’s probably mortified. Say ‘Well I could tell she was tipsy but saw nothing untoward.’

It’s not ‘snitching’ it’s giving a factual account.

And your account might verify that she exposed her underwear NOT her breasts.

And might give you an opportunity to talk about the drinking culture which is supported and funded by the company.

It isn’t OK for women to flash at men or grab their genitals.

All you are being asked to do is give a factual account.

No it's a different thing altogether. Boobs arent a flashing willy. One is silly, the other is frightening.

Was her behaviour out of character and not in proportion to her drinking?

At a Xmas party I attended some woman started acting in a very drunk dis-inhibited manner and one of them ended up in hospital where they told her it was likely her drink had been spiked.

We never found out who did this.

If a sexual harassment claim was brought against the company, it would be brought against Jenny too.

So you lied, nice one 🙄

She also grabbed someone's testicle. Is that OK? And yes we desperately need breasts to not be sexualised, but is that really the way to start doing it? Some mad woman on a night out groping men and flashing her boobs?

Agree.

I'd stay out of it and just say I didn't really see anything, just that she was drunk so you helped her to bed.

Mortified, I hear is an understatement. Though I also hear HR have an actually problem to deal with as there was some kind of punch up in the early hours… I was long in bed by then.

So you lied???